China�s Internet Hits 0% Buffering

China proudly announced it has achieved �0% buffering� speeds, though users complain websites now load too fast to click ads or close pop-ups. �I opened a tab and it finished before I blinked,� one citizen groaned. Eyewitnesses say grandmothers accidentally binge-watched entire soap operas in three seconds. Anonymous staffers revealed the system works by preloading every possible website onto government servers, along with citizens� browsing history. A fake poll revealed 48% of users love the speed, 36% are terrified, and 16% miss the nostalgia of waiting wheels. Economists argue this could disrupt China�s digital economy, but only if people realize they no longer control what they�re watching. For now, the country celebrates its new motto: �Fast, Faster, Censored.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com