China's English Ranking Plummets

In a shocking turn for a global superpower, China has plummeted 53 spots in the global English proficiency rankings. The cause wasn't a lack of studying, but a government mandate that all English language education must now be filtered through a patriotic "Sino-centric" translation app. The software automatically replaces words like "freedom" with "collective harmony," "democracy" with "consultative process," and "apple" with "red, round fruit of foreign origin." The result is a generation of students who can form perfectly grammatical sentences that are utterly incomprehensible to native speakers. A sample test answer read: "The weather is very collective harmony today, a true testament to our consultative process with the sun." International linguists are baffled, calling it the creation of a new dialect: "Politi-English." Business deals are stalling as executives nod politely, having no idea what was just agreed upon. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com