China Drops 53 Spots in English Rankings

China�s global English ranking has plummeted 53 spots, sparking national embarrassment. Officials blame TikTok slang, while critics point to English teachers forced to use outdated textbooks titled �How Do You Do, My Fine Sir?� Eyewitnesses report students now greet visitors with �slay queen� and �it�s giving homework.� Anonymous staffers revealed exams were graded by an algorithm trained on British reality TV subtitles. A fake poll shows 49% of Chinese citizens are concerned, 33% don�t care, and 18% think �English ranking� is just another esports tournament. Economists warn the decline could impact trade negotiations, though U.S. diplomats already struggle to understand Congress, let alone China. For now, officials vow to rebound by launching an intensive program called �English with Xi,� though early lessons reportedly feature mostly basketball metaphors and karaoke lyrics. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com