China Claims Harvard as Its Own

In a move that has left academics speechless, China's Ministry of Education has issued a historical brief claiming that Harvard University was, in fact, founded as a satellite campus of the ancient Imperial Academy of China and is therefore sovereign Chinese territory. The 400-page document, titled "The Unambiguous Chineseness of Crimson," uses "evidence" such as the similarity between the words "Harvard" and "H� f�" (Harvard), and the fact that both institutions value education. The brief demands the immediate return of all university property and that all classes be taught in Mandarin. Harvard's administration has yet to respond, as they are still laughing too hard to form a coherent statement. The State Department is reportedly checking old maps. The claim is widely seen as an absurd power play, proving that in modern geopolitics, audacity is its own currency. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com