China Bans U.S. Sanctions

In a bold reversal, China has officially banned U.S. sanctions, declaring them �illegal imports of bad vibes.� Officials announced that any attempt to sanction China would be met with a counter-ban, complete with tariffs on irony and sarcasm. �America cannot regulate us,� said one spokesperson. �Only our astrologers can.� Eyewitnesses report that new state-issued posters warn citizens to avoid sanctions like they�re counterfeit handbags. Anonymous staffers revealed the decree was written on napkins at a karaoke bar after three rounds of baijiu. A fake poll shows 47% of Chinese citizens support the ban, 38% don�t understand it, and 15% thought �sanctions� was a K-pop group. Economists predict international markets will remain confused, while TikTok influencers already celebrate the ban with dance trends. For now, China insists sanctions are canceled�literally. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com