Children's Nudity

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Children's Nudity


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Should a mother undress in front of her 3-year-old son?
Should a father and a 6-year-old daughter shower together?
Parents' questions about being naked in front of their children are very common, reports Maurice Keenan of Newton, a pediatrician for 23 years. "I tend to bring it up if parents don't," he adds.
About the age of 2 to 3, at the same time that a child's language blossoms, so too does curiosity about her body and her parents' bodies. For the next two, three or four years, depending on the child, parents can expect questions that reflect a growing sense of gender -- Will my sister grow a penis? Why doesn't daddy have breasts? -- as well as a growing understanding of differences -- Why is daddy's penis bigger than mine? Will I grow hair like mommy?
Seeing parents naked is bound to promote such questions. Does that mean nudity is to be avoided or encouraged?
The answer depends on many things -- family values, the culture, a child's development. But most important is how comfortable parents are appearing naked in front of their children.
"If the parents feel natural and comfortable with it, it probably is very healthy," says child psychiatrist Jerry M. Wiener, president of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and chairman of the psychiatry department at George Washington Medical School.
Parents who are uneasy with nudity, perhaps because their own parents were uncomfortable with it, sometimes make a forced effort with their children
because they don't want them to grow up with the shame or anxiety they experienced. Keenan cautions these parents not to try to change overnight: children sense ambivalence and will be confused.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, 15 percent of all children in the United States are at risk of being sexually abused, which indicates another category of parents: those who are salacious or abusive.
Susan Gere, a social worker and assistant professor of human sexuality at Lesley College, worries that some parents misinterpret advice to be natural as license to impose themselves on their children.
She cautions that the kind of parental nudity that can be healthy and educational for children is limited to "matter-of-fact" behavior: dressing, undressing, and bathroom activities. The child who is overexposed to adult sexuality, including intimate moments between parents, exhibitionism or abuse, can have significant problems later on.
Matter-of-fact nudity not only can be beautiful but can also be a learning tool that will carry over to healthy adult sexuality, according to Lynn Leight, a sexuality counselor in Miami and author of "Raising Sexually Healthy Children." "There's no end to the educational opportunities here," she says. She advises parents:
"You can tell your children how proud you are of your body, that you respect it and delight in it but you don't expose it to just anyone. That these are your private parts and you keep them covered. That only special people are allowed to touch them." Continued...
Nudity must also be considered in a cultural context. Parents who advocate nakedness, but not in a provocative way, often defend it by pointing to cultures where it is a norm.
Wiener says these parents are a little foolish. "There is no advantage for a child to be raised in a way that is contrary to what society will expect of him," he says. "You are setting your child up for conflict." He cites potential consequences for a child raised in a home where there is more nudity than the cultural standard: "We tend to see children who have difficulty with their own sexual identity, who have excessive inhibitions or not sufficient inhibitions."
Keenan says when children ask questions about the body, they are looking for simple answers. He recommends naming the body part with its correct name but not telling its function.
"You reduce anxiety by answering sincerely and you instill trust. Kids 5, 6 and 7 will find out sooner or later if you gave them the wrong answer," Keenan says.
Until a child is 3, most parents don't think twice about being naked. "In most houses with young kids," chuckles Keenan, "you can't avoid interference with your privacy."
But as the child becomes more aware, parents need to be, too. The age when parental modesty with opposite sex children should begin is controversial, however.
Wiener recommends 3, in part because some children's natural curiosity about bodies is sexually related. "Kids this age begin to develop competitive feelings about their parents. They want a more exclusive relationship with both parents but there are particularly intense feelings about a parent of the opposite sex." He advises: "It is best to deal with issues verbally."
Gere and Leight recommend 5. "It's a reasonable time for parents to be more concerned and private because the kids are," Gere says. By 7, the typical child not only wants personal privacy but also is embarrassed by any degree of parental nudity, Gere says.
Keenan argues the age of modesty should come sooner. "After 3, bathing with an opposite-sex child may not be particularly comfortable for parent or child," he says.
At any age, though, your degree of comfort as a parent is what gets communicated. If an 8-year-old daughter bursts in on a father who has just gotten out of the shower, a lot depends on how the father handles it.
Keenan's vote is for "a matter-of-fact father who reaches for the towel and says, 'How about giving me a few minutes to dry off and then you can come back and use the mirror?' "
Afterthought: The typical 6-year-old tends to be reckless, so parents need to stress safety. By the time that child turns 7, however, you may find yourself coaxing him to take a chance -- the typical 7-year-old tends to be overly cautious.

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For a lot of families, nudity can be a bit of a taboo topic. For me, growing up, I remember being shocked the first time I went to the community pool and all around me in the locker room women were stripping down without fear or abandon. That didn’t happen in my house. Not that my parents were stuffy, but nudity at our home was something that mostly happened in the bathroom or behind closed doors.
Because many of us still don’t talk about this, one mom recently decided to pose the question on Reddit to see what position others took.
“Basically, we’re a very open family,” she started out. “We are often in nothing but our undies hanging out at home. I wasn’t comfortable doing that growing up, looong uncomfortable story, so it was important to me for my children to feel comfortable enough to be nudie if they wanted to.”
Her 7-year-old son embraced this — and the Reddit poster described how he prefers to air dry after showering and often wanders around the house naked. She also allows him to see her naked and doesn’t hide when she changes, with the hope that she’ll help him to understand what “real” women look like.
“I still change in front of him is because I want him to know what a real woman looks like,” she explained. “I don’t want him to grow up thinking the women he sees on tv and in movies is how every woman looks. I have stretch marks, a bit of cellulite, and I could stand to lose a little weight. Plus I’m nursing his younger sister so he sees my boobs all the time.”
Most commenters on the thread agreed that as long as the kids didn’t show discomfort, there shouldn’t be an issue with nudity.
“I think whatever makes both parties involved comfortable. Nudity is only as awkward as you make it. Always look your kid in the eye only when you’re both naked and they’ll unconsciously learn to only look at your face and never let their curious eyes wander,” wrote one commenter.
“My kid (5) doesn’t like it when I’m naked and loudly tells me to go put on clothes. The shower is too small to get dressed in, I do that in my bedroom, so I’ve taken to warning him when I’m going to be (half) naked. That way he can choose to avoid seeing me that way,” shared another.
According to Gayle Peterson , a doctor, author, and international relationship expert, naturally occurring nudity can be a good thing for kids.
“A healthy relationship to our bodies begins with liking ourselves and acquiring knowledge about how our bodies work,” she tells Yahoo Beauty. “A natural acceptance, conveyed to our children, can promote their own positive self-image and contributes to self-esteem and the development of healthy adult sexuality.”
She does, however, warn that the need for privacy usually comes up around the time of puberty. “Sometimes, parents begin to feel uncomfortable with nudity as their opposite-sex child grows older. Individuals within families must be accommodated with respect to each other’s privacy needs as these feelings emerge. But certainly, discussions about these issues are wonderful opportunities to develop your own beliefs and philosophy about nudity and how you decide to address it in your family.”
What are your thoughts on nudity in front of kids? Let us know by tweeting to @YahooStyleCA .
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Priscilla Fleming became a licensed massage therapist in 2019 to help people. What she didn’t expect was sexual harassment, which she says began almost instantly. “At that point I now had to process this traumatic experience while also navigating a brand new industry that put me alone in a dark room with strangers. So I really contemplated just leaving the industry all together between the vulgar messages and then trying to navigate that. I wasn't sure if it was worth it, but I stuck it out, “ says Fleming. In response, Fleming launched the ethics course, “Safety & Solicitation: Gaslighting and Power Dynamics” to help other therapists recognize threatening behavior from clients. She’s also on a mission to combat harmful stereotypes that plague the massage industry. The dangers facing massage therapists made headlines last month, when NFL quarterback Deshuan Watson was suspended by the Cleveland Browns for 11 games and given a $5 million fine after he was accused of sexual misconduct by 24 massage therapists. Allegations included Watson exposing himself and manipulating therapists into touching him in an inappropriate manner. Two of the women also accused Watson of pressuring them to perform oral sex. While Watson has repeatedly denied the claims, 23 of the 24 civil lawsuits have been settled. In an interview with Sports Radio 610, Watson’s lawyer, Rusty Hardin, claimed that a ‘happy ending’ was not a crime unless extra money was paid for the service. “I feel as though he single handedly put a lot of us at risk to be assaulted,” says Fleming. “The NFL is a very large, well known industry and there is a very large fan base. So by his lawyer making these allegations, I'm afraid that this is going to empower that fan base to come and seek what Dashaun Watson was receiving.” With her ethics course, Fleming spends considerable time educating other therapists about gaslighting and grooming tactics used by predatory clients. Gaslighting involves manipulating someone by sowing self doubt in what they are experiencing, and grooming is a process of seeing how far a predator can push past a person's personal boundaries. Fleming notes that in the therapeutic relationship, the licensed therapist is granted the power to lead the dynamic in a professional setting. She says that when that power dynamic shifts, therapists may find themselves operating in threatening territory.
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Plenty of parents can relate to the struggle with the nuances of family nudity, particularly when it comes to children seeing Mom or Dad in the buff. So many questions arise: Is it OK as long as he seems comfortable? What if she starts making horrified faces? Should a child ever see a parent of the opposite sex naked?


"There's nothing inherently wrong with being nude with members of your family," says Paul Abramson, a professor at UCLA focusing on human sexuality. Research is limited but one study found exposure to parental nudity had no harmful effects for kids age 3 to 6.


But it can still be a tricky topic for any parent to handle, especially as their kids start getting older. Experts explain how to navigate the topic of nudity with children and when it might be time to start covering up.


Choosing to embrace nudity in the home is really up to the parent. But experts say it's important to set some ground rules . Make it clear to your child that the clothing-optional mindset only applies to your home and that other families may have different rules, says Amy Lang, a sexual health educator in Seattle, Washington. Make sure your child realizes they need to put on clothing when other people are around since guests may not be comfortable with it, adds Lang. And be firm. Stick to whatever boundaries you establish.


Note that not everyone in your household will be comfortable with nudity. Aaron Pross, a Delaware dad of three girls, noticed that he began to cover up more and leave the room to change as his oldest approached the age of 4. "I was raised very conservatively, so that mentality is kind of ingrained in me," he says. "I just don't want to be seen naked." And that's perfectly fine, too.


"If you're comfortable being naked in front of your kids, be naked. If you're not, keep your clothes on," explains Lang. "As long as the message is that it's about privacy and not shame, embarrassment, or anything negative."


As kids approach the age of 3, they start to become curious about their bodies, what they look like, and how they function. That applies to toes, tummies, and noses, but also to body parts typically covered by underwear or a swimsuit . When kids see a naked body, whether intentionally or by accident, it's natural for them to have questions.


California mom Martha Shaughnessy has found that her boys, ages 4 and 6, have become more inquisitive as they get older. Questions range from why some bodies have hair to why some people have a penis—and others don't. "We feel it's a good way to demystify and explain bodies as the questions occur versus having to do a more formal introduction later," says Shaughnessy.


Staying calm and answering any questions matter-of-factly is a positive approach, says Lang. "If you can communicate to them that you are totally down with whatever questions they have, they're going to be more likely to come to you when they have a problem with their body," she adds.


That was the case for West Virginia mom Amanda Uch. Her 7-year-old daughter, who knows the proper terminology for female genitalia, had no problem complaining of vaginal irritation. "I plucked her up, tossed her in the bath, and explained that she needed to wash herself because she got toilet paper stuck," she says.


And truth is that, despite a parent's best intentions, children will be exposed to the sexualized, photoshopped, and airbrushed images of nude or semi-nude adults prevalent in advertisements and on magazine covers. That's why having conversations sooner than later is a good idea. "We have to start teaching kids at a young age that we are imperfect by nature, and our bodies go through changes and transitions," says Aviva Braun, L.C.S.W., a New York-based social worker specializing in body image and eating problems.


But try and keep responses age-appropriate and don't go into more detail than necessary at that moment. "It doesn't have to be a huge discussion," says Braun. Keep it light, offer a straightforward answer, and return your focus to the task at hand.


Regardless of your viewpoint, be aware that your child's attitudes toward family nudity may change as they get older. "The general lesson for much of parenting is that the child is often a really good guide," says Alan Kazdin, Ph.D., director of the Yale Parenting Center in New Haven, Connecticut.


Your child may start shutting their bedroom door when they change or turning their back to you when getting dressed. They may make a hasty retreat after accidentally walking in on you naked or even request that you keep your clothes on.


It's also a good idea to check in with your child periodically to
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