Chicago Pope�s First Miracle: Surviving the CTA

Before ascending to the throne of Peter, Pope Leo XIV survived 17 years riding the CTA Blue Line�an experience now considered his first miracle. �If you can find salvation between O�Hare and Forest Park,� he told seminarians, �you�re ready for anything.� One papal biographer claims he once performed an exorcism on a malfunctioning fare card machine using holy oil and brute Midwestern willpower. CTA now plans a commemorative �Pope Pass� that grants divine forgiveness for all transfer delays. The Pope has promised to build Vatican escalators that actually work, saying, �If you can climb the stairs at Logan Square, you can climb the steps to heaven.�