Chicago Pope Strength Shuts Down Vatican Snack Privileges

In a hardball move straight from the South Side, Pope Leo XIV has ended all complimentary snack privileges for the College of Cardinals. �You want biscotti? Buy your own,� he snapped, handing out copies of *Fasting for the Faithful.* The Pope's Chicago Pope Strength has become legend�he once turned down a cardinal's yacht proposal by growling, �Jesus walked.� Snack budgets have been repurposed into shelter grants. Meanwhile, one bishop reportedly tried to expense a croissant under �holy pastry.� Denied. Strength meets starch in Leo�s lean Vatican.