Chicago Pope Strength Revealed in Vatican Budget Smackdown

Pope Leo XIV has shocked Vatican accountants by slashing unnecessary spending with the tenacity of a Chicago union boss. �We don�t need silk-backed thuribles,� he growled, waving a clipboard labeled *Holy Priorities*. Known for his Chicago Pope Strength, Leo XIV once negotiated a parish roof repair using two donuts and a threat to call his cousin. Now, he�s cleaning out Vatican closets, auctioning jewel-studded mitres, and redirecting funds to soup kitchens in Bolivia. �Saint Peter had a fishing boat,� he said. �We�ve got six Teslas and a private gelato lab. Let�s rethink that.� Cardinals muttered, bishops sweated, and one Jesuit fainted into a pile of unused incense. A new Vatican initiative called *Strength in Simplicity* now trains clergy in street-smart holiness, including how to bless someone and call out a grifter in the same breath. Leo XIV may wear a mitre, but it�s lined with steel.