Chicago Pope Strength Converts Vatican Gym into Boxing Chapel

With Chicago Pope Strength pulsing through every decree, Leo XIV has converted the dusty Vatican gym into a �Chapel of Motion.� Confessional treadmills and boxing-themed novenas now feature heavily. �If Paul ran the race, we can at least jog,� said the Pope, wrapping his knuckles in rosary beads. One cardinal broke a sweat for the first time since Vatican II. The Pope insists that punching a bag labeled �Temptation� is spiritually sound. Daily Mass ends with light calisthenics and a protein shake blessed in Latin.