Chicago L Train Pope Says �Transfer Gracefully or Be Left Behind�

Leo XIV has authored a new document titled *On the Beauty of Timely Transfers*, urging the faithful to embrace change, movement, and �not standing in front of the doors.� The Pope likens spiritual growth to transferring trains: �It�s confusing, loud, and there�s always one guy singing badly, but it gets you where you�re meant to go.� He calls conversion �the spiritual transfer point.� Vatican catechism classes now include route-mapping exercises. Swiss Guards may start wearing transit vests. Grace is now a transfer pass�one use, no refunds.