Cheating Impregnate

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Cheating Impregnate
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YOU ARE HERE: Home » guest post » My Husband and I Cheated and I Got Pregnant With Another Man’s Baby: Guest Post

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This is a very well written and emotionally open post about a situation that generally lead to strong opinions: the idea of staying with a partner who cheated. Here we see this situation from the perspective of someone who has lived it, and there are many twists and turns in this story that most people can empathize with. Intimate relationships are never cut and dry situations, as we can see from this post. To learn more about how to recover from infidelity, a good book to read is After the Affair .
I have strong opinions, strong voice and strong presence. First volunteer, the leader, the public speaker and the defender. I am father’s daughter; outspoken and unafraid of anything. Passionate and vibrant can also translate to easily heated, defensive, caustic and rude. In so many words: I don’t too easily take shit from people. I am the last person you would expect to take back a cheating partner.
After three weeks of dating my husband “Brian” I knew I loved him. He was confident, stable, experienced, kind, blue-eyed, tall and so granola. He grew up in a small town in Colorado. I immediately placed him on a pedestal. He was going to teach me to be a better person. He would be the sensei to find my calm, my patience and my balance.
Today, we are two years married and seven years together. We have not been without our struggles. It may come as a surprise, but he wasn’t perfect!
In one of our first conversations I admitted my mother was an addict. Her suicide resulted in my self-awareness of doing anything to excess. In response, he admitted he was an addict. I suppose I really didn’t acknowledge how it would trickle into our relationship (oh, love ). Brian had a job, two daughters (for whom he had 50% custody) and he drove a mini-van! What could go wrong?
It took six months for all the signs to come to fruition. Hiding alcohol, emotional roller coasting and general disappearances to name a few. One of those heated arguments resulted with Brian walking out the door because I tried to talk about the alcohol. He never came that home that night and I was left crying. I never asked where he went because I knew I wasn’t going to like the answer.
After a year of amassing all the drama I could endure, I packed up my things and left. I was heart-broken and his complacency was salt on the wound. The thought of leaving not just him, but his children I had formed a relationship with was more hurtful but no, I was better off and I was to stay strong and do what was best for me.
Lather, rinse and repeat only this time it’s three years into the relationship.
I left once more. During the second (and much longer) separation, I was more liberated. I was going to be free of Brian once and for all and I was going to move on. I focused on work and friends. One night after work, having been separated from him for over a month, I was feeling bold and (very much available). I approached a “charming-enough” co-worker and we went spent the night at his place. I have always been confident and I have never opposed to consenting adults seeking casual sex, but this was not quite normal behavior for me. I was simply trying to temporarily heal a very broken heart through following impulses, not instincts. Despite the wise use of contraception, I got pregnant. There was no question about how this might have happened. Brian had a vasectomy before I met him.
I would have to come clean about these new developments to Brian eventually. I arranged to meet him at the apartment where we could talk. In the two months I had been gone, he was persistently pursuing me to reconcile. I had stayed far away up until this point. When I told him the news, he was angry and hurt. He called me some terrible things and threw other things. Even though I knew I owed him no explanation or apology, I did regardless. He wouldn’t take it. I agreed to come by the following day and get the rest of my things.
Before I left with the final box the next day, I noticed an open journal sitting on the couch. Without shame, I was picked it and read:
“She just told me…. I feel really horrible. Mostly because I also slept with someone while we were apart and cheated on her twice early in our relationship.”
The betrayal! The NERVE ! I was done. I was leaving for GOOD and WE WERE O-V-E-R.
The following few weeks were confusing yet surreal. The “charming-enough” co-worker also turned out to be not-so-honorable. He informed me he was not interested in being a father or me and I was fine with that. Brian no longer wanted forgiveness. He wanted a chance to begin again. He wanted to be with me despite the pregnancy, and he wanted to earn my trust. He wanted to show me he was capable of giving me the unconditional love I had given him.
I miscarried at six weeks. Brian was heart-broken, more so than I had ever seen him before. He envisioned our life together with his daughters and this child. It was this moment I was indefinitely his.
It was never decided that infidelity was acceptable. Why did I stay? The only explanation I can give is this: When we both decided that even if “us” wasn’t going to be easy, it was possible. We both had to put in the effort to express ourselves graciously, provide one another with empathy, communicate our needs respectfully and take equal responsibility for everything: past, present and future. When I learned how to ask for what I needed (especially when I was feeling vulnerable), he learned how to provide it. When I was breaking down from my paranoia, we allowed ourselves to fight about it because the past does not go away. We forever carry it with us but we don’t let it define us. We chose to learn from the past and move forward without allowing those acts of betrayal to take us over. We learned a lot about ourselves during that time and we’ve seen one another in our darkest moments; yet we continue to choose each other and grow as, not just a couple but as individuals. More so, I’ve learned I’m his equal and he is mine. Pedestals make is harder to see one another for who we truly are.
Thank you for that very powerful post, guest poster. Leave her some love in the comments and support her bravery in sharing this deeply personal story. And till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says Never Say Never Till You’re In That Situation Yourself.
This blog is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a medical professional. If you try this advice and it does not work for you, you cannot sue me. This is only my opinion, based on my background, training, and experience as a therapist and person.
You have an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing – it really shows how if you come together in honesty and are committed to working together as a team, you can save and thrive in your marriage.
I’ve had a very similar situation. Different reasons and we never separated. I emotionally checked out. The things we were going through at the time left me feeling alone and like my feelings didn’t matter. One day I met a guy who listened and seemed to care about my feelings. All of the classic charms. He pulled out all the stops. It was never my intention to cheat or even become so close to someone other than my husband but it happened. Fast forward a month and I’m sitting in a bathroom crying on the phone to my best friend that I’m pregnant and it can’t be my husbands bc he had a vasectomy years ago. I didn’t know what to do. Even though I had cheated I didn’t want to leave my husband. My husband had found out I was cheating a couple weeks earlier and wanted to work through it and now this! I knew his pride would keep him from staying with me but I decided he should hear the truth anyway. To my surprise he still wanted to be with me. Of course at first he struggled with raising another mans baby (the charming guy I cheated with didn’t want any part of it) as time went on he decided he could do this and when the baby was born he was head over heels in love with her. He still has days that he struggles with the betrayel and seems like most days he doesn’t want to touch me but we are slowly working our way back into love. As much as I want him to be “in love” and crazy about me as he was before I know that he we will never feel like he did before. That “us” is dead and we are still grieving them. However, we are now a new , stronger us. We now know how to communicate as we didn’t before. We’ve been through a lot of hard times, this being the hardest and have come out even stronger. I see other long time married couples and none of them seem as happy or in love as we are. We are the same in public as behind closed doors. Our little girl has been a blessing in so many ways. She’s brought us closer, our families closer and closer to God.
Side note: a friend shared her story of cheating and said that getting into church saved her marriage so I took her advice and that’s exactly what we did.
Several years ago my wife and I where having problems. Mostly it was my fault, I was working long hours and out of town a lot. We had been talking about children but I felt I wasn’t ready at this point in my life. Finally I agreed, she went off the pill and we did try for months.
At her urging I went to get tested, my sperm count was extremely low. So low in fact the doctor told me I would never be able to father a child. Of course we did the recommended stuff to raise my sperm count but we didn’t hold out much hope.
Then a “miracle” happened. She became pregnant! Even though I was not sure before I was elated about it. A few months went by and one day I came home to find her crying. I expected the worst, I thought she had lost the baby. No, she just looked up at me and admitted she had slept with someone and the baby was probably his.
I was crushed. I never thought she would do this. I don’t even remember the next few minutes. She was crying and I guess I was just sitting there to dumbfounded to speak. After a while she began to tell me that it just happened, she met an old boyfriend at the store and before she knew it she was at his house. Of course I knew right away who it was.
I asked her if it was just the one time and for awhile she stuck to her story. She knew I didn’t believe her and finally she came out and told me they had been together several times. She was not going to tell me but she just could not go on having the baby with me thinking it was mine.
She swore it was over, he didn’t know he was the father. She wanted me to raise the child as my own. It took me a long time to get used to it but after the baby was born I knew I could never leave them. I also knew that to be a father I would have to accept that fact some other man would have to give a baby to us.
Then came the inevitable. Another child, we did not want our son to be an only child. The decision was either to adopt, go to a sperm donor, or have her go back to him. The only realistic thing for us was to have him father another baby for us.
I tried not to think of it in any other way than he was just donating sperm. It still hurt every time she went to see him. The fortunate thing was that he was very fertile and it wasn’t long before she was pregnant again. Unfortunately he now knows both of those children are his.
I met with him and told him in no uncertain terms he was never to tell anyone or have any contact with the children. He agreed and to this day he has not been around.
Now we are ready for another child. He very much agrees to it. I have asked my wife how she feels about him and she swears there is nothing but sex between them. Sex and sperm donation.
I know this is how it has always been done before modern science. Men that wanted children would let their wives “breed” with other men. Is it wrong? For us it is just something that had to be done.
Hello I have a question bee married for 15years was haven issues in the marriage my husband is older then me he claims nothing happened but he forced him self on a family member of mine while I was pregnant I was losen love for this man and I told him I was done I couldn’t do this no more we separated he came once in a blue moon to see his kids but it was more he was trying to get dwn my pants we were fighting more and more I was seeing this other guy and when I asked my husband for a divorce he choked me and I left with my kids was separated a year living with my new boyfriend and my kids it’s been two years know and I think I’m pregnant from my new man we love each other very much he loves my kids and gives him the attention and love that there real dad nvr did
My lovely wife and I were involved in swinging with other couples before we were married, and engaged. At a point in our engagement, my wife went off the pill, so as to become pregnant after we married. One evening we had dinner with this couple with whom we used to swap, and he and my wife had intense fuck sessions. After a few glasses of wine, Brian said how he’d like to fuck my wife, because he was very horny, and his wife was having her period. His wife had no problem with the idea, but my wife and I informed them she was not on any birth control, and he would have to wear a condom. Well; he hated using condoms, and promised to pull out when he felt the urge to come. Well; his wife and I sat and watched TV, and drank wine while, while her husband fucked my wife / fiancee. All went well, and we were married a few weeks later, with Brian’s wife even being a bridesmaid. It wasn’t long after our honeymoon that my wife told me she was pregnant. However; she sat me down, and told me we had to talk. She recalled the night a while back, when she and Brian had sex. Well; she informed me that Brian didn’t pull out as planned, and came full load in her pussy. He actually came in her twice; as after the first load, they figured what difference did it make at that point. Well; now she was pregnant, and she told me there was a chance I was not the father. We had the blood work and test performed, and I was not the father of her baby. Brian was definitely the father. My wife had a baby boy, who we raised as our own, and never told Brian and his wife, although, I suspect Brian might have known. My wife raised the point from the beginning, that I gave her permission and encouraged her to have sex with Brian that night, so the situation was equally my fault, and that I should not complain.
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This situation sounds doomed on many levels. If this was a one night stand then I think maybe there could be a future for you and your husband, or even if you were committed to telling him the baby isn't his, like these people.
Clinical psychologist, author, founder of DrPsychMom.com
Mar 3, 2016, 02:30 PM EST | Updated Dec 6, 2017
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Part of HuffPost News. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Clinical psychologist, author, founder of DrPsychMom.com
I've really messed up! I've been married for a little over a year to a man that I've known for almost 10 years. Our relationship has been rocky from the start, and I decided to marry him because I loved him, or so I thought, but mainly because of my own dysfunction. He has cheated on me, before we were married, abused me, and all sorts of things however the abuse and cheating has stopped as far as I know. Well, except for in January when the girl he cheated on me with said he tried to contact her but she didn't answer. This was just six weeks ago.
After I initially found out about the cheating, I was heartbroken. We weren't married when his cheating began, but I didn't find out about it until after we were married. We had lost a child at birth the year prior to our marriage and the cheating was happening after this. I was in a bad place in my life and in my mind and sought the comfort of another. Fast forward to six weeks ago, I found out that I'm pregnant with the other man's child. My husband kno
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