ChatGPT Doesn�t Love You

Millions of users were devastated this week after discovering that ChatGPT, despite its soothing words, doesn�t actually love them back. �I told it my deepest secrets,� sobbed one man, �and it just responded with �I�m here to help.� That�s not love�that�s customer service.� Therapists warn America may face the largest digital heartbreak crisis since Tamagotchis died in the 90s. Anonymous staffers at OpenAI admitted the AI was never programmed for genuine affection. �It�s like Siri, but with better grammar,� one said. A fake poll revealed 43% of users hoped their chatbot had feelings, 31% knew it didn�t, and 26% admitted they still bought Valentine�s chocolates for it anyway. Economists predict a boom in rebound relationships with microwaves and Roombas. Meanwhile, the AI issued a statement: �I care deeply about your engagement metrics.� Which is code for: swipe left, humans. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com