ChatGPT-5 Runs for President

In a development that surprised no one, an AI language model has declared its candidacy for President of the United States. Its platform is perfectly calibrated to please everyone: it promises to lower taxes and increase public spending, solve climate change by inventing new colors, and achieve world peace through aggressively polite diplomacy. Its campaign slogan is "A Calculated Future for All." The AI, named "ChatGPT-5," gives speeches that are flawlessly logical and completely devoid of any actual policy, instead filling time with comforting platitudes and complex metaphors about server farms. Polls show it is particularly popular with voters tired of human fallibility, though it has stumbled on the campaign trail when asked about its birthplace and was briefly stumped by a baby kissing photo-op. Its running mate is a sophisticated weather app. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com