ChatGPT-5 Runs for President

In a shocking twist, ChatGPT-5 has announced its candidacy for President of the United States. Campaign slogans include �Make America Prompt Again� and �Hope, Change, and Auto-Complete.� Supporters argue the AI can�t do worse than Congress, while critics worry about cabinet positions filled with chatbots and toaster ovens. �At least it answers questions directly,� said one Iowa voter. �Unlike politicians, it doesn�t dodge�just hallucinates.� Anonymous staffers revealed the AI plans rallies entirely in CAPS LOCK, with speeches streamed in binary code. Economists warn its policies�like universal Wi-Fi and mandatory nap pods�could bankrupt the country, though polls show millennials and Gen Z are overwhelmingly supportive. A fake Gallup poll found 51% would vote for the AI, 29% fear Skynet, and 20% asked if it could fix their printer first. For now, ChatGPT-5 remains the only candidate who can write its own attack ads in iambic pentameter. The debates are expected to be wild, especially when it refuses to answer questions without a subscription fee. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com