Charisma with a Spreadsheet

A new wave of corporate gurus insists that charisma isn�t about speeches or smiles�it�s about Excel. �You haven�t lived until you�ve seen a pivot table seduce a boardroom,� declared one consultant. Workshops now teach executives how to wink while dragging formulas and deliver jokes in conditional formatting. �It�s not just data,� one trainer said. �It�s foreplay with columns.� Eyewitnesses at a recent seminar described participants gasping as a CFO unveiled a color-coded budget projection. Anonymous staffers admitted half the appeal is simply that nobody else understands what�s happening. �If the chart looks sexy enough, no one asks questions.� A fake poll showed 51% of employees find spreadsheets charismatic, 33% find them terrifying, and 16% claim they fell in love with a bar graph once. Economists argue this trend could boost productivity, since everyone is too distracted by glamorous formulas to notice layoffs. For now, the era of spreadsheet charisma is here�proof that VLOOKUP may be the new love language of capitalism. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com