Cbt Dominatrix
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Cbt Dominatrix
Inside the dungeon: Dominatrix reveals her secret world of bondage, flogging and bizarre fetishes
Inside the dungeon of Mistress Sarah Jessica
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WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT - Mistress Sarah Jessica says her dungeon is somewhere for people to come and explore their submissive side...
The Fifty Shades of Grey book, and movie version - which hits screens on Saturday - have placed a spotlight on the secret worlds of bondage, domination and fetishes.
The Manchester Evening News spoke to one of the UK's busiest Dominatrix, Mistress Sarah Jessica, about her line of work, and also what she thinks about the 50 Shades phenomenon.
I’ve always been quite dominant, and I like to live my life that way, but I didn’t really pick up on it until five years ago.
Basically I started googling the concept of BDSM (Bondage and Discipline and Sado-Masochism), and exploring myself and my desires more. I met a friend who is a Mistress - a Mistress is a dominatrix - about three year ago and that’s when I became a Mistress.
Mistress Sarah Jessica, a Manchester-based dominatrix (face obscured)
I do this professionally, but I’m also a lifestyle mistress as well, it’s part of my own life and who I am.
Sex has got absolutely nothing to do with it whatsoever. I have clients, submissive men, who come and visit me at a dungeon. It’s not a sex club, it’s basically somewhere for people to come and explore their submissive side and get that out of their system.
I deal with a lot of different men with a lot of different fetishes.
I’d really like to get my point across that it’s OK to be ‘kinky’ and people should be more open about it. It should be accepted. People are suppressing themselves because they are worried about being judged as a person. This isn’t right. People should never hide away and should be more open.
If society was more accepting of this lifestyle and actually understood it then I think things would be a lot different. You should never be ashamed of who you are... and I encourage it fully.
It’s a big scene here, I know of about 10 mistresses, and I’m well known on the scene. Sadists and masochists are people who like to inflict pain and receive pain, and that’s all done in a safe, consensual manner, I would never take somebody to a level of something they’re not comfortable with. I always make sure they feel safe.
It’s a fully-equipped dungeon with lots of different pieces of equipment.
There’s things like a spanking bench and St Andrew’s Cross, a piece of wood which you are attached to by your arms. It’s used if you’re flogging somebody and for people who like to be restrained.
I have a pin wheel, with little spikes on that kind of rolls over your body - you can do it softly and people can actually find it very therapeutic.
It’s the same with the spanking and flogging, you can do it in a way that’s hard or very therapeutic - you can build the intensity.
It’s dark in the dungeon, but I like to think it’s a cosy atmosphere. Although if I’m doing spanking or corporal punishment when I’m using canes or paddles I like the lights on because then you can see the marks coming up on the flesh.
If somebody doesn’t want a mark, you have to know when to stop. Some people don’t feel comfortable telling their partners about what’s really going on inside their head, or they feel embarrassed about it, or that their wife will be freaked out, so they obviously can’t have visible marks when they go home.
But it’s not all about pain. It’s not about picking up a whip and beating somebody, there’s a huge psychological side to it. You’ve got to understand the submissive mind to become a mistress.
I read the first book, and I’m going to see the film this weekend.
In our lifestyle we believe in safety and consent and follow SSC which stands for safe, sane and consensual.
The book shows complete manipulation on Christian’s part to gain control and to get what he wants. Anna is a vulnerable girl and is fascinated by him. He knew this and used it to his advantage. To me that is abuse.
The book certainly paints and sugarcoats that in a sexy fun light, which is obviously not a good thing and could potentially be dangerous.
It’s not proper BDSM, it’s psychological abuse. If I remember rightly there was a time where she even used the safe word which he took upon himself to ignore. In the real world of BDSM this is a huge no no!! It takes it to another level.
There are male doms, as we call them, but you tend to find not so much professionally. I don’t really think girls would be willing to pay for a man to do it! I just don’t think there’s a need for it. A male dom would do it quite happily without being paid.
My outfits include a lot of leather and latex but also I can do sessions in just normal clothes as well. If you’re a dom people think you’re in PVC or leather all day, but we’re normal people as well.
Dominatrix Mistress Sarah Jessica talks about her career
You can’t stereotype a dominatrix, the lifestyle is so different to what people think it is. It upsets me if I’m honest, that people frown upon us quite a lot, but whats wrong with people enjoying the things that they like?
I get some unusual requests for certain things, but if I don’t want to do something or I don’t like the sounds of it I’ll direct them to someone else who might be able to help them. For me, this is a job that I enjoy, and I wouldn’t do anything I’d be uncomfortable with.
People think it’s all about pain, but there’s more psychological aspects - like sploshing - which involves food. I’ve had a guy who just wanted custard pouring over him, as if he’s bathing in food. He just likes the texture and feel of it. It’s not sexual, it’s fun.
Personally, I enjoy CBT (a term for a form of male genital torture) - and smoking fetishes, that’s one of the things I enjoy. I like to smoke a cigarette in front of them and blow it in their face. Some people find that quite sexy for a woman to be smoking. Some people like leather gloves.
I get a lot of repeat custom. That’s by getting to know what they’re into, and making them realise that it’s ok, they’re not a freak. It goes on a lot more than people think. Making them realise that I understand them, we build up a connection so they trust me. I like my clients leaving feeling good about themselves and happy that they’ve finally been able to express their desires to someone who completely understands.
Someone who gives a lot of reaction in a session, it’s always good for a mistress to get a reaction from a session because you’re more inclined to know if the sub’s enjoying it, a reaction is a must! It’s obviously important that they enjoy it. And obviously someone with the same interests as me.
I think I’ve been quite lucky, not had any bad experiences. I suppose my less favourite ones would be if the client goes very quiet.
It might be because they’re nervous but if they don’t react, it makes it harder for me to work out their mindsets.
If the sub is in quite a lot of distress, or if he asks for the session to stop, or if I don’t feel like the sub is enjoying it or is in a bad place. But it never comes to that stage because I’m usually good at reading people.
Also if they tried anything sexual, or tried to touch me, I would stop it immediately.
Some guy came in once and obviously didn’t read up on the differences between a prostitute and a mistress. He tried to feel my bum, and that was it for me. He had to leave because clearly he’d got the wrong idea of what’s going to happen.
But that doesn’t happen very often. People who contact me are quite respectful.
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I conduct sessions in a five room luxury Dungeon/play-space, which is fully equipped containing an Isolation/Prison cell with toilet & shower, Medical area, featuring antique Medical tables, Overhead Suspension, Kneeling Cage, Standing Cage, CBT Chair, custom made Stretching Rack, custom made Leather & Metal Dungeon Furniture, with an upscale artistic flair. The space features safe off street well lit parking in the affluent Buckhead area of Atlanta.
One half hour
$150
Two hours - $500
One hour - $250
Three hours - $650
Ninety minutes - $350
Overnight - $1200
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