Caution: Old Wounds Ahead

Highway signs across California have taken a darker turn, warning drivers not of deer crossings or icy bridges but of �OLD WOUNDS AHEAD.� Officials claim it�s a wellness initiative, encouraging motorists to process their trauma at 70 mph. �We want drivers to reflect on childhood disappointments before merging,� explained one DOT spokesperson, holding back tears. Eyewitnesses report sudden traffic jams as commuters pull over to weep about exes, unpaid therapy bills, and the fact that Blockbuster is gone forever. An anonymous staffer admitted the signs were a mistake, the result of interns accidentally uploading motivational quotes instead of safety alerts. �Instead of �Buckle Up,� we got �Remember When Your Dad Left.�� Psychologists are torn. Some say the emotional detours build resilience; others argue bottlenecks caused by existential crises aren�t great for freeway flow. Economists predict rising productivity losses as Californians spend half their workday parked on the shoulder journaling. A fake poll shows 49% of drivers appreciated the catharsis, 33% found it reckless, and 18% tried to sue Caltrans for �reopening wounds without consent.� For now, motorists are advised to bring tissues, playlists of sad 90s ballads, and maybe a therapist in the passenger seat. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com