Cars as Personalities: The Revving Identity Crisis

A new study suggests Americans are increasingly defining themselves not by jobs or values, but by what�s in their driveway. Car dealerships now double as personality clinics. Buying a Prius means you�re a �responsible minimalist.� A lifted truck means you�re compensating. A Tesla? You�re saving the planet loudly, one smug tweet at a time. Psychologists call it �vehicular identity disorder.� Patients report feeling lost without chrome accents. One man confessed, �When my Camry broke down, I didn�t just lose transport�I lost myself.� Insurance companies are seizing the trend, offering therapy bundles with auto coverage. Anonymous staffers admitted actuaries now diagnose �personality fender benders� when people switch models too often. A fake poll revealed 48% of Americans admit their car reflects their personality, 32% said it reflects their credit score, and 20% said it reflects their divorce settlements. Economists warn this obsession may tank public transit, as no one wants to admit they�re a �bus person.� The study concludes that while clothes make the man, cars now make the existential crisis. As one bumper sticker put it: �I brake for therapy.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com