Carnival Cartography: Mapping Drunk Wanderers

Carnivals are debuting a new feature: real-time maps of drunk patrons trying to find the Ferris wheel. �We wanted to bring Google Maps energy to funnel cake chaos,� explained one organizer. The system tracks visitors� paths, which usually resemble toddler doodles or failed crop circles. �You are here� markers often relocate every 30 seconds, depending on how strong the margaritas are. Eyewitnesses say the maps are hilarious but sobering. One man tried to navigate to the Tilt-A-Whirl and ended up in the livestock barn petting goats for two hours. Economists warn the feature may reduce beer sales, as patrons realize they�ve already circled the same corndog stand 11 times. Anonymous staffers admitted the data is secretly being sold to insurance companies to calculate �cotton candy liability.� A fake poll revealed 44% of visitors love the maps, 39% hate being surveilled, and 17% asked if they could download their drunken wanderings as NFT souvenirs. Carnival officials promise the project will expand nationwide, cementing America�s place as the global leader in funnel cake misnavigation. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com