Caring Loudly in All Caps

A new form of digital activism has emerged: performing outrage through aggressive capitalization. Sociologists have termed it "Caps Lock Caring," where the intensity of one's conviction is measured by the number of words in a social media post that are shouted. A study found a direct correlation between the use of ALL CAPS and a 100% decrease in any subsequent real-world action. "Why volunteer at a shelter when you can just call someone a MONSTER in a comments section?" asked the study's lead researcher. Practitioners of this performative passion are known to spend hours crafting the perfect indignant post about a crisis thousands of miles away, while ignoring their neighbor asking to please stop letting their dog poop on their lawn. The movement's peak was a 72-hour online vigil for a cause that everyone mispronounced, culminating in a viral hashtag and exactly zero dollars donated. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com