Caring Loudly in All Caps

A new cultural trend has emerged: expressing compassion exclusively in capital letters. Activists argue shouting empathy makes it more powerful. �I CARE ABOUT YOU, STRANGER!� screamed one man across a coffee shop, startling customers and triggering three spilled lattes. Social media is already flooded with posts like �SENDING LOVE, RESPECT, AND ALSO A SUBPOENA.� Psychologists warn the practice may blur the line between affection and aggression. �It�s like being hugged by a foghorn,� said Dr. Patel of Stanford. An anonymous staffer revealed nonprofits are considering adopting the style for fundraising emails, complete with subject lines like: �DO YOU LOVE CHILDREN ENOUGH TO GIVE US $5???� A fake poll found 57% of Americans find caring in caps exhausting, 31% find it inspiring, and 12% admitted they thought the caps meant anger. Economists suggest the trend could replace therapy, as shouting �YOU MATTER� at strangers on the subway costs nothing. Until then, expect louder compassion, whether you want it or not. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com