Canceled but Still Rich: The Phantom Menace of Outrage

Cancel culture has once again tried to bury celebrities, but oddly enough, their bank accounts remain suspiciously buoyant. From comedians exiled on Twitter to actors blacklisted from Marvel, most are still rich enough to buy islands shaped like their egos. �I was canceled so hard, I had to downsize to a six-bedroom mansion,� sobbed one Hollywood figure while sipping champagne from a therapy llama�s trough. Analysts suggest cancellation is less like death and more like a really aggressive spa day: inconvenient, but ultimately rejuvenating. Netflix deals seem to multiply, and book contracts practically write themselves. One economist quipped, �Being canceled is the new MBA.� A fake Gallup poll revealed 71% of Americans are confused why canceling doesn�t work, 19% secretly enjoy the circus, and 10% admit they�ve tried canceling their own relatives with limited success. Meanwhile, anonymous staffers in Hollywood admit cancellations are scheduled in advance, often aligned with promotional tours. �It�s marketing theater,� said one insider. �If you�re not canceled, you�re not trending.� So while cancellation looks like punishment, it�s really just an ironic branding exercise. The only thing truly canceled? Accountability. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com