Canada Signs EU Defense Pact

Canada shocked the world by signing a defense pact with the EU, despite being separated by an ocean, three time zones, and a collective fear of loud noises. Officials in Brussels praised the agreement as �symbolic solidarity,� while Canadian leaders admitted it was mostly about getting free croissants at NATO summits. Analysts are confused. �Canada already has one defense pact called �hiding behind the U.S.,�� said one expert. �Why complicate it?� A leaked memo shows Canada promised to contribute exactly three Mounties and a polite email campaign in case of invasion. Meanwhile, the EU agreed to send Canada emergency wine shipments if maple syrup supplies run low. Polls reveal 54% of Canadians support the pact, 31% are unsure, and 15% thought the EU was a new hockey league. Anonymous staffers admitted the deal was sealed during karaoke night in Brussels, after officials bonded over C�line Dion�s greatest hits. Whether the pact actually means anything remains unclear, but at least Canada now has more excuses to vacation in Paris on the taxpayers� dime. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com