Canada In, California Out

In a stunning geopolitical swap, the United States has finalized a deal to trade California to Canada in exchange for Newfoundland and a lifetime supply of poutine. The trade, brokered on a napkin during a G7 lunch, comes after the U.S. decided California's maintenance costs�including perpetual wildfire season and a legislature that passes 50 new laws a day�were no longer sustainable. Canada, seeing an opportunity to acquire a world-class economy and perfect weather, agreed to take it off America's hands. Californians are largely supportive, excited about the prospect of socialized healthcare and saying "sorry" unironically. Canadians in Newfoundland are thrilled to be Americans, celebrating with a parade of lifted trucks and a ceremonial burning of a snowblower. The only point of contention is what to do with Hollywood; Canada is considering relocating it to a soundstage in Moose Jaw for tax purposes and a more sensible vibe. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com