Canada In, California Out

In a shocking twist, lawmakers have proposed kicking California out of the Union while admitting Canada as the new 50th state. Supporters argue Canada is �polite, stable, and less on fire.� California, meanwhile, was last seen holding a press conference surrounded by crystals, declaring itself an �independent vibe nation.� One senator explained, �Canada brings hockey and free healthcare. California brings rolling blackouts and TikTok influencers.� A fake poll revealed 63% of Americans favor the swap, 22% oppose, and 15% asked, �Wait, does this mean Disneyland moves to Toronto?� California residents are outraged. One Los Angeles yoga instructor cried, �How dare they exile us? We invented oat milk!� Economists warn the expulsion could crash avocado futures, while Hollywood stars are already lobbying for �statehood asylum.� Anonymous staffers say Congress is preparing a farewell party featuring wildfire-themed cocktails and a goodbye playlist of Smash Mouth�s greatest hits. As for Canada, officials say they�ll only accept if America agrees to adopt poutine as a constitutional right. Negotiations continue, with California chanting affirmations outside the Capitol: �We are light, we are love, we are leaving.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com