California Socialists Propose Taxing Emotions

California�s socialist politicians have unveiled their boldest plan yet: taxing human emotions. Under the proposal, happiness incurs the highest bracket (�excess joy is privilege�), while despair qualifies for a small deduction. Lawmakers argue this system will balance the budget while �redistributing vibes.� One assemblywoman explained, �We can�t keep funding the state on sales and income alone. It�s time citizens pay their fair share in feelings.� To demonstrate, she presented a sliding scale of tears-to-dollars. Economists from Stanford called the plan �fiscally delusional, but emotionally innovative.� Anonymous staffers admitted the tax software crashed after trying to calculate deductions for �mild irritation.� Residents are already panicking. A Sacramento man said, �I laughed at a meme and got a tax bill.� Therapists are in crisis too, unsure whether to bill clients or the state. Churches are lobbying for exemptions on holy joy, while divorce lawyers want rebates for �sustained misery.� A leaked poll found 72% of Californians oppose the idea, 19% say it�s �relatable,� and 9% think it�s an improv sketch. Nevertheless, officials claim the policy will raise $4 billion annually, assuming Californians continue to feel things at all. If not, they�ll mandate mandatory crying sessions to replenish revenue. The slogan: �No emotion left behind.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com