CRISPR Gene Editing Used to Create the Perfect Influencer

In a controversial breakthrough, geneticists have used CRISPR technology to create what they're calling "the ideal social media personality." The project, dubbed "InFluencer," edited 137 genes to enhance features like "controversial opinion expression" and "spontaneous twerking ability." Early results show the modified humans produce 300% more viral content, with built-in biological advantages like eyelids that filter blue light for 24/7 streaming. "We've eliminated the need for sleep by repurposing the appendix into a second content creation chamber," said lead researcher Dr. Alicia Zhou. Ethical concerns arose when test subjects began developing physical traits like "perfect lighting cheekbones" and fingers optimized for rapid double-tapping. The most disturbing side effect? A spontaneous ability to detect trending topics through subtle changes in skin conductivity. Meanwhile, existing influencers are demanding gene therapy "to stay competitive," while platforms scramble to update terms of service to prohibit "biologically enhanced virality."