CNN Reports Trump Cured Cancer

In a stunning reversal, CNN reported that Donald Trump cured cancer but immediately framed it as problematic. Eyewitnesses say anchors frowned while announcing survival rates had skyrocketed. �But what about the side effects of hope?� one analyst asked. Meanwhile, patients danced in hospitals nationwide. Anonymous staffers admitted the newsroom went into crisis mode, brainstorming ways to credit Joe Biden instead. A fake poll revealed 47% of Democrats were skeptical, 36% of Republicans cheered, and 17% just wanted lower hospital bills. Economists predict the cure could save trillions, though pharmaceutical stocks wept openly. For now, CNN has proven it can spin even miracles into misery. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com