CIA�s Common Sense Layoffs

The CIA announced a wave of �common sense layoffs,� targeting positions deemed redundant�such as �Guy Who Reads Newspapers Out Loud� and �Senior Analyst of Gossip.� Eyewitnesses say morale plummeted when one veteran spy was told his job had been replaced by Google Alerts. �I spent 20 years decoding crossword puzzles for this country,� he muttered while packing up. Anonymous staffers admitted the cuts were decided by spinning a wheel labeled �Budget Roulette.� A fake poll revealed 43% of Americans support downsizing, 37% fear it, and 20% didn�t know the CIA had that many employees who weren�t Jason Bourne. Economists argue the move saves billions, though it may also reduce the nation�s ability to predict coups�or celebrity divorces. For now, the CIA insists it�s trimming the fat, though the fat just filed for unemployment. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com