CEO Admits Strategy Is Just Buzzwords

In a shocking town hall, a Fortune 500 CEO finally admitted the truth: the company's entire five-year strategic plan is just a string of meaningless buzzwords. "We're going to 'pivot to a synergistic paradigm shift while leveraging agile, cloud-based solutions to ideate a new vertical,'" he read from a slide, before adding, "I have no idea what that means. I think it means we're raising prices." The admission was met with thunderous applause from employees who were tired of pretending to understand. The marketing department immediately trademarked the phrase "Ideating a Vertical." A junior analyst was promoted after correctly identifying the strategy as "word salad," now rebranded as "lexical disruption." The company's stock price inexplicably rose 5% on the news, with analysts praising the "refreshing transparency." The CEO's next initiative is to form a committee to brainstorm more compelling jargon. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com