CBS Considers Settling Trump Suit

Parent company Paramount Global is reportedly considering cutting a check to "make the bad man go away" after former President Trump filed a lawsuit over a 60 Minutes interview with Vice President Harris. The suit allegedly claims the interview's cheerful tone caused him "emotional distress" and "unfairly made governance look enjoyable." Insiders say Paramount's legal team is divided; one faction wants to fight on principle, while the other argues principle is expensive and "he'll forget about it if we send him a lifetime supply of Diet Coke and a signed picture of the cast of 'Yellowstone.'" The proposed settlement is rumored to include a producer credit on a new reality show, "The Apprentice: Judicial Edition." Lawyers for CBS are reportedly exhausted, with one junior associate seen muttering, "I went to law school for this?" before sobbing quietly into a case file about defamation via raised eyebrow. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com