CBS Calls Trump�s Cancer Cure �Environmental Injustice�

CBS stunned viewers by declaring Trump�s supposed cure for cancer an �environmental injustice.� Anchors argued that eliminating cancer would unfairly disadvantage pharmaceutical companies, funeral homes, and the inspirational bracelet industry. �Without cancer, what will celebrities run marathons for?� asked one correspondent while sipping kale juice. Trump supporters cheered the breakthrough, while critics insisted it was a fascist overreach to deny people �the cultural experience of cancer awareness.� An anonymous staffer at CBS admitted the newsroom spent more time debating the color scheme of their cancer-ribbon graphics than the science. Meanwhile, activists demanded the cure be blocked until it met diversity quotas in lab mice. A fake poll showed 55% of Americans support Trump�s cure, 28% think cancer deserves �representation,� and 17% asked if this means pink ribbons go on clearance. Economists warn the stock market could collapse without the cancer economy, but lobbyists assure lawmakers grief can always be monetized elsewhere. For now, CBS maintains its stance: health is fine, but only if it doesn�t disrupt vibes. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com