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Fiona Apple was wrestling with her dog, Mercy, the way a person might thrash, happily, in rough waves. Apple tugged on a purple toy as Mercy, a pit-bull-boxer mix, gripped it in her jaws, spinning Apple in circles. Worn out, they flopped onto two daybeds in the living room, in front of a TV that was always on. These days, the singer-songwriter, who is forty-two, rarely leaves her tranquil house, in Venice Beach, other than to take early-morning walks on the beach with Mercy. Still, a lot can go on without leaving home. Amber, a cabaret singer who records under the name Maude Maggart, had brought along her thirteen-month-old baby, Winifred, who scooched across the floor, playing under the piano. Apple was there when Winifred was born, and, as we talked about the bizarreness of childbirth, Apple told me a joke about a lady who got pregnant with twins. A year went by—still nothing. Apple, who wore a light-blue oxford shirt and loose beige pants, her hair in a low bun, stood by the piano, coaching Amber, who sat down in a wicker rocking chair, pulling Winifred onto her lap. Apple, with her singular smoky contralto, modelled the complex emotions of the line for Amber, warming her up to record. Abruptly, Apple bent her knees, poked her elbows back like wings, and swung her hips, peekabooing toward Winifred. The baby laughed. It was simultaneously a rehearsal and a playdate. Her albums are both profoundly personal—tracing her heartaches, her showdowns with her own fragility, and her fierce, phoenix-like recoveries—and musically audacious, growing wilder and stranger with each round. The new album, she said, was close to being finished, but, as with the twins from the joke, the due date kept getting pushed back. She was at once excited about these songs—composed and recorded at home, with all production decisions under her control—and apprehensive about some of their subject matter, as well as their raw sound drums, chants, bells. She was also wary of facing public scrutiny again. Fame has long been a jarring experience for Apple, who has dealt since childhood with obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, and anxiety. There was a beat-up wooden desk and a computer on which Apple recorded tracks, using GarageBand. There was a mike stand and a Day of the Dead painting of a smiling female skeleton holding a skeleton dog. Every surface, from the shelves to the floor, was covered in a mulch of battered percussion instruments: bells, wooden blocks, drums, metal squares. The sisters recorded the lyric over and over, with Apple at the computer and Amber standing, Winifred on her hip. During one take, Amber pulled the neck of her turquoise leotard down and began nursing her daughter. Maybe it means healthy, or happy. Maybe it means being un happy, but in a way that is still fulfilling, still meaningful. Fiona Apple McAfee-Maggart, the musically precocious, emotionally fragile descendant of a line of entertainers, was a classically trained pianist who began composing at seven. One night, at the age of sixteen, she was in her apartment, staring down at Riverside Park, when she thought she heard a voice telling her to record songs drawn from her notebooks, which were full of heartbreak and sexual trauma. She flew to L. Yet the first tape she shared was enough: a friend passed a copy to the music publicist she babysat for, who gave it to Andrew Slater, a prominent record producer and manager. Slater, then thirty-seven, hired a band, booked a studio in L. The album sold 2. Slater also oversaw a marketing campaign that presented his new artist as a sulky siren, transforming her into a global star and a media target. Mann said that it was unheard of, and inspiring, for a female artist to speak so frankly about sexual violence, without shame or apology. In fact, the turn of the millennium became an electric, unstable period for Apple, who was adored by her fans but also mocked, and leered at, by the male-dominated rock press, who often treated her as a tabloid curiosity—a bruised prodigy to be both ogled and pitied. During this period, Mark Flanny Flanagan, the owner of Largo, a brainy enclave of musicians and comedians within show-biz L. She was increasingly recognized as a singer-songwriter on the level of Joni Mitchell and Bob Dylan. Today, Apple still bridles at old coverage of her. Lurking on Tumblr where messages from her are sometimes posted on the fan page Fiona Apple Rocks , she can see how much the culture has transformed, becoming one shared virtual notebook. Mental illness is less of a taboo, too. But that had never been her gift. Wood and Apple told me that their first encounter, at a recording studio two decades ago, was awkward. Now Wood and her father, John Would, a sound engineer, were collaborating with Apple on building mixes from hundreds of homemade takes. Apple also worked with Dave Way and, later in the process, Tchad Blake. Finally, around , she pulled together the band. She and Steinberg, a joyfully eccentric bassist with a long gray beard, had played live together for years, and had shared intense, sometimes painful experiences, including an arrest, while on tour in , for hashish possession. Back at home, she dug out old lyrics and wrote new ones, and hosted anarchic bonding sessions with her bandmates. Apple and the other musicians would march around her house and chant. She has that husky beautiful timbre, and she would just. It felt more like a sculpture being built than an album being made. There were more stops and starts. Once Apple returned to Venice Beach, she finally began making headway, rerecording and rewriting songs in uneven intervals, often alone, in her former bedroom. She yowled the vocals over and over, stretching her voice into fresh shapes; like a Dogme 95 filmmaker, she rejected any digital smoothing. Passages loop and repeat, and there are out-of-the-blue tempo changes. Apple had been writing songs in the same notebooks for years, scribbling new lyrics alongside older ones. I want to spend more time with them! But it seems impossible to ever go out and have fun. Whenever I asked Apple how she created melodies, she apologized for lacking the language to describe her process often with an anxious detour about not being as good a drummer as Wood. She said that her focus on rhythm had some connections to the O. The new songs were full of spiky, layered wordplay. She found the notion corny. Other songs felt close to hip-hop, with her voice used more for force and flow than for melody, and as a vehicle for braggadocio and insults. Some of the new material was strikingly angry. The title track came to her later; a meditation on feeling ostracized, it jumps between lucidity and fury. They took turns recalling their love affair, which began in , when Apple attended a performance by Ames at the Moth, the storytelling event, in New York. For years, Ames had written candid, funny columns in the New York Press about sex and his psychological fragilities, a history that appealed to Apple. Then, step by step, the conversation hit the skids. The turn came when Ames started offering Apple advice on knee pain that was keeping her from walking Mercy—a result, she believed, of obsessive hiking. The pain, he said, was repressed anger. At first, Apple was open to this idea—or, at least, she was polite about it. But, when Ames kept looping back to the notion, Apple went ominously quiet. She curled up, pulling sofa cushions to her chest, her back arched, glaring. Ames pushed back, alarmed. Her music had pain but also so much joy and redemption, he said. Somehow, the conversation had become a debate about the confessional nature of their work. Was it a good thing for Apple to keep digging up past suffering? Was this labor both therapeutic and generative—a mission that could help others—or was it making her sick? I love you. Then fuck me, I wasted my fucking life and ruined everything. You should probably go to the beach. He went off to put on his bathing suit. By the time he left, things had eased up. She hugged him goodbye, looking tiny. The next day, she sent me a video. Then she glanced at the camera slyly, the corner of her mouth pulled up. I just rested my knees for a while. The record dives into such conflicting impulses: she empathizes with other women, rages at them, grows infatuated with them, and mourns their rejection, sometimes all at once. But as an adult she has hung out mainly with men. The twenty-one-year-old singer Mikaela Straus, a. But Apple has more complicated dynamics with a wider circle of friends, exes, and collaborators. Starting with her first heartbreak, at sixteen, she has repeatedly found herself in love triangles, sometimes as the secret partner, sometimes as the deceived one. Her fascination with women seemed tied, too, to the female bonding of the MeToo era—to the desire to compare old stories, through new eyes. In July, she sent me a video clip of Jimi Hendrix that reminded her of a surreal aspect of the day she was raped: for a moment, when the stranger approached her, she mistook him for Hendrix. During the assault, she willed herself to think that the man was Hendrix. Years later, however, she found herself hanging out with a man who was a Hendrix fan. Sometimes it recurs through painful flashbacks, sometimes as echoes to be turned into art. But I think that, at that time, I was struggling with my sexuality, and trying to force it into what I thought it should be, and everything felt dirty. Going out with boys, getting high, getting scared, and going home feeling like a dirty wimp was my thing. Apple came of age in a culture that viewed young men as potential auteurs and young women as commodities to be used, then discarded. She was twenty; he was twenty-seven. The singer and the director became an It Couple, their work rippling with mutual influences. But, as Apple remembers it, the romance was painful and chaotic. They snorted cocaine and gobbled Ecstasy. Apple drank, heavily. Mostly, she told me, he was coldly critical, contemptuous in a way that left her fearful and numb. Anderson had a temper. After attending the Academy Awards, he threw a chair across a room. In , when she was getting treatment for O. Apple was buoyant as Anderson drove her to an orientation at U. He screeched up to the sidewalk, undid her seat belt, and shoved her out of his car; she fell to the ground, spilling her purse in front of some nurses she was going to be working with. Anderson, through his agent, declined to comment. He praised her as an artist. Yet the relationship had warped her early years, she said, in ways she still reckoned with. Apple was also briefly involved with the comedian Louis C. When a hacky standup set of his was leaked online, she sent him a warm note, urging him to dig deeper. One of the women C. Apple began working with the group, and, once she got to know Corry, she started to see C. In a text, she told me that, if C. He is so WEAK. At times, Apple questioned her ability to be in any romantic relationship. Last fall, she went through another breakup, with a man she had dated for about a year. I was feeling safer with her here. Hallman, an affable, silver-haired lesbian, grew up poor in Appalachia; after studying engineering at Stanford, she worked in the California energy industry. In the mid-aughts, she moved to L. In addition, Hallman sat in on our interviews and at recording sessions; she often took videos, posting them online. They slept on the daybeds in the living room. After my July visit, Apple began to text me. Occasionally, she sent a screenshot of a text from someone else, seeking my interpretation a tendency that convinced me she likely did the same with my texts. In another video—broken into three parts—she appeared in closeup, in a white tank top, free-associating. I forgot about that. She chalked this up to a fear of outside influences, but she had a tetchiness about younger songwriters, too. But she also had something that resembled a repetition compulsion—she wanted to take all the risks of her early years, but this time have them work out right. When I returned to Venice Beach, in September, the mood was different. Anxiety suffused the house. In July, Apple had been worried about returning to public view, but she was also often playful and energized, tweaking mixes. You can talk to me. That episode was about the death of Alison, one of the main characters. Played by Ruth Wilson, Alison is a waitress living in Montauk, an intense beauty who is grieving the drowning death of her son and suffers from depression and P. She falls into an affair with a novelist, and both of their marriages dissolve. As we watched, Apple took notes, sitting cross-legged on the daybed. In one sequence, Alison, devastated after a breakup, gets drunk on a flight to California, as her seat partner flirts aggressively, feeding her cocktails. He assaults Alison as she drifts in and out of consciousness. She fights back, complaining to the flight attendant, but the man turns it all around, making her seem like the crazy one; she winds up handcuffed, as other passengers stare at her. Apple found the sequence horrifying—it reminded her of how she came across in her worst press. Her head lowered and her arms crossed, she began to perseverate on her fears of touring. I have lots of rage inside. I have lots of sadness inside of me. Later, we tried to listen to the album. Apple has tried all kinds of cures. She was sent to a family therapist at the age of eleven, when, mad at her sister, she glibly remarked, on a school trip, that she planned to kill herself and take Amber with her. After she was raped, she spent hours at a Model Mugging class, practicing self-defense by punching a man in a padded suit. In , she attended eight weeks of silent Buddhist retreats, meditating from 5 a. She had a wild breakthrough one day, in which the world lit up, showing her a pulsing space between the people at the retreat—a suggestion of something larger. She tried a method for treating P. The first day we met, Apple spread printouts of brain scans on the floor of her studio, pointing to blue and pink shapes. She was seeking patterns, just as she often did on Tumblr, reposting images, doing rabbit-hole searches that she knew were a form of magical thinking. She loved getting loose on wine, but not the regret that followed. Her father has been sober for decades, but when Apple was a little kid he was a turbulent alcoholic. He hit bottom when he had a violent confrontation with a Manhattan cabdriver; Apple was only four, but she remembers his bloody face, the nurse at the hospital. Apple, at two, had wandered around an adult party, drinking the dregs. For decades, Apple has taken prescription psychopharmaceuticals. In December, she began having mood swings, with symptoms bad enough that she was told to get an MRI, to rule out a pituitary tumor. In the end, Apple said, she had to wean herself off an antipsychotic that she had been prescribed for her night terrors; the dosage, she said, had been way too high. Earlier that fall, she had given an interview to the Web site Vulture, in which she was brassy and perceptive. But the positive response also threw her, she realized. By January, the situation was better. Apple was no longer having nightmares, although she was still worried, at times, by her moods. One layer of self-protection had been removed when she stopped using alcohol, she said; another was lost with the reduction in medication. And, although she was enthusiastic about some new mixes, she felt apprehensive. She could listen to the tracks, but only through headphones. So we talked about the subject that made her feel best: the dog rescues she was funding. She paid her brother Bran to pick up the dogs across the country, then drive them to L. She and Hallman followed along through videos that Bran sent them. The dogs had been through terrible experiences: one was raped by humans; another was beaten with a shovel. Apple felt that she should not flinch from these details. The next afternoon, her face was glowing again. She had wondered if the meeting would be awkward—if the band might disagree on what edits to make. Instead, she and Amy Aileen Wood kept glancing at each other, ecstatic, as they had all the same responses. At last, Apple could listen to the album on speakers. Afterward, I texted Wood. Apple knew what she wanted, he said. It reminded me of a story that Bran had told me, about working in construction. Suddenly, he was frozen, terrified of falling. Yet all he had to do was touch something—any object at all—to break the spell. Seeing her band again had grounded Apple. She felt a renewed bravado. In the next few weeks, she sent updates: she was considering potential video directors; she was brainstorming ideas for album art, like a sketch of Harvey Weinstein with his walker. On the day that Jonathan Ames came over, Apple had pondered the exact nature of her work. Maybe, she suggested, she was like any other artist whose body is an instrument—a ballerina who wears her feet out or a sculptor who strains his back. Maybe she, too, wore herself out. She left it in. Save this story Save this story. Cartoon by Roz Chast. Copy link to cartoon Copy link to cartoon. Link copied. Apple, in The press treated her as a bruised prodigy to be ogled and pitied. Cartoon by Liana Finck. Cartoon by Zachary Kanin. Emily Nussbaum , a staff writer, won the Pulitzer Prize for criticism in Pop Music. By Amanda Petrusich. By Michael Schulman. A Critic at Large. Invitation Only. By Holden Seidlitz. The Art World. The artist captures the ephemeral and transformative power of light. By Hilton Als. Although the movie has been reappraised as a masterpiece, it wants to remain kind of lost, as adrift from film canonization as its protagonist is from her own desires. By Doreen St. On Television. In his work with the Daily Wire and in a new movie, the conservative podcaster and activist tries to expose the hypocrisies of the left. By Vinson Cunningham. Sophie Is Gone. Her Music Lives On. By Jia Tolentino. The Lede. On the trail, Emhoff has made loving music, and his wife, look like a campaign in itself. By Sarah Larson. Photo Booth. In the eighties, the Puerto Rican photographer Ricky Flores captured the parties and the people that shaped his teen-age years. By Geraldo Cadava. Musical Events. An Idyllic Music Series in the Hebrides. Mendelssohn on Mull celebrates chamber music away from urban pressures. By Alex Ross.

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