Buttplays
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Buttplays
7 Ground Rules for Anyone Who Wants to Try Butt Play
For anyone who wants to make sure it's a good time.
Chelsea Kyle. Prop styling by Amy Elise Wilson at Sarah Laird.
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Gigi Engle is a feminist writer, certified sex coach, and sex educator. As a sex educator with the Alexander Institute and Pleasure Professional with O.School, she teaches a variety of classes centered around pleasure, sexual health, and confidence. Gigi's work regularly appears in many publications including Brides, Marie Claire, ... Read more
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In case you weren’t already aware, playing with your butt can create the type of pleasure that makes you walk around the entire next day grinning to yourself like, “Wow, that happened.” (If you were already aware of this fact, my biggest congratulations to you and your backside.) See, your anus and its surrounding skin have a bunch of highly sensitive nerves that can take you on a pretty wild ride, depending on how your body works. For some people, it’s even possible to reach the back of the clitoris through the adjoining anal wall. (Yup, your clitoris isn’t just that external nub above your vagina—it has internal components, too. Surprise!)
This doesn’t mean you should dive right into butt play without the proper prep. If you do this, it might not be enjoyable, which could put you off something you might otherwise be into. Plus, it could really hurt. As a sex coach and educator, it brings me great joy to offer up the following tips on how to explore your butt in the safest—and most fun—way possible.
Sometimes it might feel like everyone is obsessed with butt stuff. It gets a starring role in a whole lot of porn; and it’s even become more of media darling recently, with more publications ( hi, including SELF ) talking about why anal can be such a pleasurable activity. But none of that matters if you aren’t remotely drawn to the idea.
In my line of work, I often speak with people (especially cisgender women) who are only having anal sex for their partner. If your interest in anal is solely because you want to please a partner (or worse, because your partner is pressuring you to try it), it’s really unlikely to be fun or pleasurable. Anal play should be something you’re curious about or excited by if you’re going to try it.
So, explore your reasons for wanting to explore your butt. If it sounds sexy to you and you like the idea of giving it a go, that’s a great sign.
If you feel really safe and comfortable experimenting with a bit of anal stimulation in the moment, that’s up to you and your partner. But I really recommend sitting down with your partner beforehand and talking about anal play. Be open and honest about wanting to try something a little new. Anal play can feel great, so there’s nothing wrong or weird about wanting to give it a spin.
It might help to know your stuff before you have this conversation. Read a few articles on butt play . Ask a few experienced friends for tips. You won’t be an anal scholar after basic research (if only), but you’ll be more prepared to start your journey.
Consider coming to your partner with ideas, too. Perhaps there is a butt plug you’d like to try. (I’m a big fan of the b-Vibe Novice Plug and Doc Johnson’s various anal sex trainer kits ). Or maybe there’s a hot clip of anal sex you want to share with them. Whatever the case, talking over exactly what you want to do (and laying ground rules like what you’ll say if you want to stop) can make the whole experience much better.
Anal newbies regularly ask me if they need to do an enema before any butt play. Some people decide to use enemas to flush their rectums with water or saline and basically clean themselves out as much as possible before anal, but you do not need to do an enema if you don’t want to. I promise you this isn’t necessary. (If trying an enema would really make you more comfortable, that’s fine, but you shouldn’t do them more often than once every couple of months, as SELF previously reported .)
Instead, I’d suggest a less intensive route. Try to poop within an hour or two of anal play so there’s less of a chance that a ton of poop is hanging out in your rectum. Then you can get in the shower and wash your butt with water and gentle soap before engaging in anal play.
There might still be traces of poop in your rectum, which probably isn’t ideal for you but is honestly fine . You’re playing with the hole where poop comes out, so...you might come into contact with some poop. This is a fact of life. So is the fact that poop is no match for soap and water, and using a condom makes it especially easy to get rid of any anal-induced fecal matter. (And you should really be using a condom unless you’re in a committed monogamous relationship and have both recently gotten tested for sexually transmitted infections .)
The sooner you accept that shit happens, the sooner you can really enjoy anal without worrying too much about a natural substance your body creates.
Do not, and I repeat, do not jump into anal penetration with something large like a penis or dildo. Your butt is not up for that challenge. The anal sphincter is the muscle ringing the anus that keeps it nice and taught to prevent poop from slipping out at inopportune moments. It does not naturally expand the way the vagina does, so you need to work your way up to big objects.
Instead, when you’re as relaxed and turned on as possible, start your exploration with fingers and smaller anal toys . (Make sure any toy you put in your anus has a flared base so you don’t swallow it right up.) Breathe into the new sensation, which can feel a bit strange to start. It can take anywhere from a few minutes to a few weeks of experimenting to figure out if you like the feeling and get used to it even if you do.
Listen to your body, and only move on to bigger objects when you’re ready. Once you’re feeling up for trying penetration with something like a penis or dildo, I often recommend beginners start by lying on their sides (you can use a pillow to prop up your hips for more lift) or their backs. These positions don’t always allow for the kind of deeper, fuller penetration of being on all fours or on top, which may make your anal intro a little more comfortable.
Also, keep in mind that being penetrated doesn’t mean you can’t set the pace. You can still be in control; ask your partner to keep still and allow you to back up into their penis or the sex toy so you can really get a feel for the whole thing.
If you asked me for three non-negotiable tools for anal success, I’d say lube, lube, and, hm...more lube. For anal sex, lube is an absolute must-have. Your anus does a lot of great things, but that does not include lubricating itself. So, in order to avoid a lot of discomfort and possibly even tearing your delicate anal lining, you’ve gotta help out your butt.
I recommend using either a silicone- or oil-based lube for anal play. They have great staying power. My favorites are Boy Butter , The Butters , and Uberlube . Keep in mind that if you’re using condoms, oil-based lubes (like The Butters or Boy Butter) cannot be used with latex. Oil corrodes latex, which can make the condom break. And you shouldn’t use silicone-based lube with silicone toys such as butt plugs, as it can damage your toy’s material. I know it might take some mixing and matching, but I guarantee that finding the right lube for your anal experience can make the whole process way more fun.
There’s a difference between something feeling new and different and something actively hurting or not being right for you. If at any point you’re too uncomfortable or just not into trying out anal stimulation anymore, tell your partner it’s time to stop. (Or call it quits yourself if you’re masturbating .) Maybe you need more lube or to go more slowly, or maybe anal isn’t for you. No matter what, respecting your own limits is key. It’s perfectly fine to take a breather or bring your entire anal journey to an end!
After you’re finished with anal play, it’s time to clean up. When it comes to your body, you can use gentle body wipes (that should be fragrance-free to avoid irritating your delicate skin down there), hop in the shower, or both. You should also thoroughly clean any sex toys you used. The exact way you do this really depends on the specific toy in question, so to help you out, here’s more information about the best way to clean all of your sex toys. Finally, we can’t talk about post-sex cleanup without mentioning stains. Luckily, SELF has a whole guide for getting rid of sex stains , poop or otherwise.
Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, educator, and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @GigiEngle.
All products featured on SELF are independently selected by our editors. If you buy something through our retail links, we may earn an affiliate commission.
SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.
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You’ve got a butt, but (heh) the odds are that you’re probably ignoring it. Your ass has the capacity to experience a jaw-dropping amount of pleasure, so it’s time to put aside any negative reactions you might have about anal explorations. Whether you’re put off by the taboos, nervous about pain, or just don’t understand the appeal, we’re here to convince you why your ass is worth pampering.
This is the first in a multi-part series from After Hours about anal play. You can see the other posts in the series as they come out here .
The main areas you want to be aware of are the anus , which is the gateway to the pleasure zone, the anal canal , and the rectum . You have two anal sphincters: one near your opening, and one further up your cavity, which work together to help push fecal matter out. You have control over your external sphincter, but not the internal one.
Men also have a prostate , which is located close to, but not inside of the rectum. The prostate can be stimulated through the rectum. There are nerve endings throughout the entire rectum, but most people find that the prostate and the anus are the most pleasurable areas.
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Yes, poop comes out of your anus. That squicks a lot of people out, and makes them hesitant about anal play. But your rectum and anus are much cleaner than you might imagine. The most important thing to know is that poop doesn’t just sit right at the entrance of your anus, eagerly awaiting the moment that you sit down on the toilet. Unless you’re already prairie doggin’ it before starting anal play, your fingers are not going to come into contact with a big ol’ turd. The worst-case scenario is that you’ll wind up with a tiny bit of residue (resipoo?) on your fingers, but it’s nothing a little soap and hot water can’t take care of.
It’s also easy to tidy up before anal play. First, take a trip to the bathroom if you feel like you have to go. Then take a shower, and wash your anus with soap. There’s no need to try to clean inside of your rectum. Wash your hands in the shower afterwards. And you’re done. Really, that’s it. This is what you should be doing when you shower anyways, so it’s not a big deal.
If you still don’t feel comfortable with skin-on-skin action, you can wear a latex glove or one of those nifty little finger condoms . If you’re really paranoid, you can always try douching your asshole. It’s not necessary for hygiene’s sake, but if it makes you feel more comfortable, by all means go for it. The Big Gay Review has a great guide to douching safely . You can also conduct your first anal experiments in the shower, where quick cleanup is easy.
Ready for some butthole action? Your own fingers are the best place to start. You have control over them, they’re thinner than most other things you can put up your butt, and they’re free.
First, make sure you have some lube handy. Your asshole does not self-lubricate the way a vagina does, so you absolutely need to use lube . Silicone lubes tend to work best for anal action, since they’re thicker and more durable (they’ll also last much longer if you’re in the shower), but this amazing water-based Jelle lube by Wicked is specially formulated for anal action as well.
Next, wash your hands, and make sure your fingernails are short and filed. (You don’t want jagged nails or sharp hangnails poking around in your butt.) Do whatever you normally do to get yourself in the mood, and start masturbating.
When you feel ready, put a generous amount of lube on your finger. Just like with any other part of your body, it takes time and experimentation to figure out what your asshole likes best. Try out each of the following:
Play around with each of these techniques and try to get a sense of what you like best. Once you’ve found something you like, keep doing it for as long as it feels good.
If the combination of stimulation makes you orgasm, the muscles in your rectum will contract, so you’ll notice a squeezing sensation against your finger. Your muscles may even push your finger out of your butt. Visiting hours are over! Wash your hands with soap as soon as you’re finished, and clean up the lube with toilet paper or a quick shower.
A lot of people get nervous about anal, but it’s really not that difficult to explore safely. Trust us, you’ll be happy once you’ve tried it.
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