But Youre My New Stepmom

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But Youre My New Stepmom
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February 7, 2017 by Jamie Scrimgeour 1 Comment
Since day one, my relationship with my stepchildren has been pretty harmonious. Some would say, abnormally so.
When my husband introduced me to his kids, when we made the decision to move in together, when we got married, and even when we had a baby of our own, we didn’t experience any of the behaviour you would expect from a “child of divorce”. Until recently there has been a consistent mutual respect.
Four years into this stepmom gig, I am deep in the step-parenting trenches. As we embark on the tween-age years, there has been a bit of a shift. Nonetheless, I naively entered into this new phase expecting our hearts-and-sparkles stepmom-stepchild relationship to continue.
Since my husband has a week-on-week-off access schedule with my three stepchildren, we’re responsible for everything when the kids are with us. As time has gone on, I’ve taken on the “motherly” roles in our home—laundry, pick-up, drop-off. After we nestled into our new family dynamic, I began asking them to clean up their dishes, tidy their room, and do their part. Until this point, there has never been any backlash—from them, or their mom.
When I committed to marrying my husband, I made the conscious decision that I would always treat my stepchildren as if they were my own. To be clear, this is not an attempt to replace their mother. As a mother, myself, I understand it is a sacred, irreplaceable role. But I treat them the same as I treat my own child because, as a child of divorce, I know first hand the impacts of doing otherwise. That and I love them more than I ever thought possible.
So, last week, when my stepson said he didn’t have to listen to me because I am not his mom, it was a HUGE slap in the face. It appears that politely asking him to put a helmet away was now beyond the job description of a stepmom.
My initial reaction to this response was anger. No—that’s an understatement. I was pissed.
After running it through my head a few dozen times, I managed to calm down a little. I reminded myself that my stepchild is now a step-tweenager. Rebellion, attitude, disrespect, and boundary pushing are all common and age appropriate behaviors. Insert the complicated feelings that come from being a child of divorce and, well, what we were experiencing wasn’t anything outside of the ordinary.
But that didn’t make the slap in the face sting any less. In fact, after some processing, a glass (or two) of wine and some long talks with my husband, anger turned into hurt. I never thought it would come to this.
My husband gave him the usual ineffective talk about respect and we got back to life as usual. Except I had this pit in my stomach that I just couldn’t shake. That and my stepson and I were barely speaking.
A couple of days later he came to me with a mustard-stained shirt and asked if I could get it out. The next day he dumped his laundry in front of the washing machine and asked for it to be done by the following day. Next, he asked me to drive him to his buddy’s house—like, NOW.
Normally I would drop what I was doing and take him, but instead, I asked him to chat.
“Last week when you said you don’t have to listen to me because I am not your mom—it hurt my feelings. A lot. I know I’m not your mom, but I am your stepmom. We are family. We’ve always respected each other and worked together. But now, if you don’t have to listen to me because I’m not your “mom”, why should I have to spend an hour scrubbing the mustard out of your shirt?”
“Or why should I have to clean all your dirty laundry. Or drop everything I’m doing to drive you to your friend’s house?”
I’m crying now. The look on his face says he’s getting it.

“Is it fair to me to do these things for you and still get stomped on?”
He shook his head. “No… it’s not,” he responded.
“I know I am not your mom. I have never pretended to me. This can go one of two ways and the choice is entirely up to you,” I added. I explained that if we took the “I’m not your mom” route, he should understand that if he can’t treat me with respect, I will no longer be willing to go above and beyond for him.
“You’re capable of doing your laundry, and scrubbing mustard out of your shirt. And you don’t HAVE to hang out with your friends,” I continued.
“…OR we can go back to the way things were before all this and treat each other like family—with love and respect. But you’re not going to get the best of both worlds,” I concluded.
He picked the second option, and I drove him to his friends.
We’ll see what tomorrow brings! But something tells me this is just the beginning.
This is me right now!!
It’s always been great with my step kids, but my step daughter turned 13 and stuff hit the fan.
She doesn’t like our rules or discipline (clean your room, no phone after 10:30…nothing crazy) and is now refusing to come to our house. I’m worried if we don’t let her rule the house, we’ll lose her.
Her mom is supportive of her not seeing us.
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Posted on Published: May 5, 2021 - Last updated: January 21, 2022
Being a mom is not an easy task, but being a stepmother is even harder.
There are many beautiful stepmom quotes on the Internet that celebrate stepmoms and everything they do for their stepchildren.
They deserve to know they are loved and admired every day, not only a few days in a year, especially those who do their best to be your bonus mom.
The role of a stepmother is to know everything, care about everything and provide additional love to children she did not give birth to.
Sometimes, stepmoms struggle to make everything work, but they do their best, which is why we admire them so much.
Stepmothers are best friends to stepchildren, a shoulder to cry on, and a sanctuary whenever any of the kids feel hurt.
Stepmom support can play a very meaningful role in the life of every child, teenager, or even adult.
Remember, most stepmoms will never compete with biological mothers, they are here to provide additional support, not to take over anyone’s role in your life.
In life, you’ll be surrounded by many people who love you like your friends, extended family, or in-laws, but no one will try to take over anyone’s role or become more important to you.
Stepmothers also go through a lot at the beginning of their new roles, which is why they should be acknowledged with some beautiful quotes about stepmoms.
If you don’t have any idea how to show appreciation to your bonus mom, here are some meaningful inspirational quotes about stepmoms (or stepmums, as our British friends would say) that will melt her heart!
Feel free to write these stepmom quotes in a card for Mother’s Day or even send them through text. I’m sure she’ll love them!
One of the greatest misconceptions about a stepmother is that she wants to take over the role of an ex-wife and biological mother of children.
Unfortunately, there’s a lot of misunderstanding between children and stepmoms, which often turns into confusion and arguments between partners, and in the end, no one actually truly gets the struggle of being a stepmom.
Changes are not easy for anyone, be it for the children, for the ex-spouse, or the new spouse.
It takes a lot of time for a genuine parent-child connection to form in this case but when it does, it’s just as strong as the one between biological parents and their kids!
Here are some of the best stepmom quotes which perfectly describe how the stepmother feels about her new life role and all the challenges that come with it:
1. “The only steps in this house are the stair steps, and the only half in this house is the half-and-half creamer.” – Al Hodson
2. “Not a single drop of my self-worth depends on what the bio mom in my situation thinks of me.” – Unknown
3. “A stepparent is so much more than just a parent: They made the choice to love when they didn’t have to.” – Unknown
4. “Co-parenting is not a competition. It’s a collaboration of two homes working together with the best interest of the child at heart. Work for your kids, not against them.” – Anne Brown
5. “Even on days when you feel like you are doing everything wrong, I promise you your stepkids still think you are the best stepmom.” – Unknown
6. “Intimacy between stepchildren and stepparents is indeed proverbially difficult.” – Murasaki Shikibu
7. “A stepparent is an amazing person. They made a choice to love another’s child as their own.” – Unknown
8. “A healthy stepmother knows that some days she’s a stagehand, somedays she’s the leading lady, and some days she’s the audience…and she plays each role with style and grace.” – Unknown
9. “Stepparents are not around to replace a biological parent, rather augment a child’s life experience.” – Azriel Johnson
10. “A good stepparent can literally turn the life of a child around.” – Unknown
11. “Being a stepmom means they grew inside of my heart instead of my tummy.” – Unknown
12. “Remember why you chose to come together in the first place—the love that you have for your partner. Your partner’s children are an extension of them, and this makes them just as important to your happiness.” – Beth Huber
13. “For better or worse, step-parenting is self-conscious parenting. You’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.” – Unknown
14. “A stepparent doesn’t just marry a spouse; they marry an entire situation. They find a balance between supporting and defending without overstepping visible and invisible boundaries.” – Unknown
15. “When it feels as if you can’t do right by the other parent, do right by your stepchild instead. You’ll never fail with best interest at heart.” – Jessica James
16. “There is no universal approach when it comes to being a stepmom. So, let us all just do our best to encourage and help each other through it.” – Unknown
17. “A stepmother’s role is sometimes difficult but it is always worthwhile.” – Ivana Davies
18. “It is said that with great power comes great responsibility. But stepmothers’ shoulder great responsibilities even when they have limited power over their stepchildren in terms of acceptability and trust.” – Unknown
19. “Being a stepmom is one of the most selfless things you could do in your life.” – Ivana Davies
20. “Being a stepmom is like completing someone else’s incomplete melody. Understanding the already created tune and adding your own personality to seamlessly complete it, is really a work of a true maestro. ” – Unknown
21. “All of a sudden you’re thrown into doing motherly duties. And I call that the stepmom vortex. You just get pulled in. You’re making lunches. You’re making dinners. You’re going to practices. … Nobody tells you.” – Kendall Rose
22. “Being a stepmom is not easy, but a sweet hug and kiss from the kids are all worth it.” – Unknown
A stepmother can have lots of love for her stepchild, just like an adoptive mother can have for her adopted child.
Just because she didn’t give birth to the child doesn’t mean she isn’t capable of loving them.
Most stepmoms will never even try to take over the role of the bio mom in their stepkid’s life, but she will do her best to be accepted as an equal part of the family.
It’s not a crime to love your stepmom.
There are a lot of youngsters who have amazing relationships with their stepmoms.
A child might even connect more with their stepmom than with their biological parents.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that the parents don’t love their child, but sometimes stepmothers show more love and affection which helps the child to open themselves up more to their stepmother.
These stepmom quotes below celebrate this special relationship.
They show mutual love and appreciation which is the basis of every happy family – not blended, not half, just family.
1. “Yes, I didn’t give life to you, but you really gave me mine.” – Unknown
2. “Little souls find their way to you, whether they’re from your womb or someone else’s.” – Sheryl Crow
3. “To the stepmom who feels like you are failing. Don’t doubt yourself. Right now, it feels hard, but each day you still show up, even through the exhaustion. You pour your love into your children, even though your cup feels empty. You do the best you can, even when you think you can’t. And that dear mama is not failing. You are amazing.” – Unknown
4. “Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn’t grow under my heart but in it.” – Fleur Conkling Heyliger
5. “I might not be the mother who gave you the gift of life, but I’m glad life gave me you as a gift. You are my stepdaughter and I will truly love you no matter what.” – Unknown
6. “I love my stepmom. She may not have given birth to me, but she has always raised me as her own.” – Unknown
7. “Biological, step, foster, adoptive. It’s not the word before ‘mom’ that defines you, but rather the love and dedication in your heart.” – Unknown
8. “The older I get, the more I realize that my stepmom is the best friend I could ever have.” – Unknown
9. “It takes someone really brave to be a stepmom. Someone strong to raise a child not her own, but love them with all her heart anyway.” – Unknown
10. “Being a stepmother has worked out very well for me. I love my stepchildren very much.” – Philippa Gregory
11. “No matter what happens, I want my stepchildren to know that they are forever loved.” – Unknown
12. “Although my stepson and I may not share the same blood, we will always share the same love.” – Unknown
13. “Being a parent wasn’t just about bearing a child. It was about bearing witness to its life.” – Jodi Picoult
14. “I love my stepmom and everything she does for me. I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it.” – Unknown
15. “You came not to replace my mother, but to add to the love that I am receiving.” – Unknown
16. “I asked God for a best friend, so he sent me a stepmom!” – Unknown
17. “She never gets tired of making me feel what it’s like to have a family not solely based by blood or name, but by heart and soul.” – Unknown
18. “My stepmom is an angel who gave me an additional love and I am so grateful.” – Unknown
19. “However motherhood comes to you, it’s a miracle.” – Valeria Harper
20. “A caring stepmother doesn’t have to replace the child’s own mom. She will secure her own special place in the heart of the child by her love and care.” – Unknown
21. “Half and full should be used in Maths, not in relationships. There are no half-mothers, only complete families.” – Unknown
22. “I might not have carried them in my belly for nine months, but I promise to carry them in my heart forever.” – Unknown
23. “Behind many great children is a stepparent who stepped in, took responsibility and cared.” – Unknown
24. “Only one whose heart is full of love can choose to love someone else’s child as their own.” – Unknown
25. “Proud Stepmothers. We are not attempting to be some other person. We are quite amazing just being ourselves.” – Unknown
26. “Not every child in this world is fortunate enough to have two beautiful moms in a single lifetime.” – Unknown
27. “Stepmothers in books usually behave very spitefully towards the children entrusted to them. But he was now learning by his own experience that in real life this does not always happen.” – Murasaki Shikibu
28. “From the moment I became a stepmother, my purpose has been to love and protect these children with everything I have.” – Unknown
Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for stepmoms to feel quite lonely during Mother’s Day.
Of course, bio moms do deserve the attention on this day, but stepmoms would be delighted to receive at least one card with a cute stepmom quote inside.
Partners and stepchildren sometimes don’t see stepmothers as real mamas, even though they often do just as much as a biological mother (sometimes more) – a stepmom also cooks, cleans, washes clothes, gives the kids baths, tells stories, cuddles them, etc.
She literally does all the same things and might not even receive a simple ecard.
To make things right, or continue the tradition if you’ve already celebrated this day with your stepmom, you can use any of these beautiful son and daughter quotes as a part of the Mother’s Day present :
1. “Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.” – Oprah Winfrey
2. “To my stepmom, thank you for being brave enough to face uncertainties when all things were new. You never made us feel like a stranger’s child. You always loved us as your own. And I will always love you for that.” – Unknown
3. “I will never understand the difference between a stepmother and a biological mother because you’ve never shown me the difference between the two.” – Unknown
4. “We aren’t stepfamily, we aren’t half family, we’re just family.” – Unknown
5. “Happy Mothers’ Day to a woman who has always tried to fill the empty space in my heart, not my mother’s shoes.” – Unknown
6. “Dear Stepmom, thank you for being patient with me…every single day.” – Unknown
7. “You never treated me as a spare child, but as an extra blessing.” – Unknown
A happy family is the greatest dream for all children whose parents have been through a divorce or who lost a parent in a tragic way.
All that child needs is a happy home and someone to take care of them and be their support through difficult times.
Of course, it’s not easy to accept a new person into your life, but time usually tells if this person was the right choice or not.
Family isn’t connected by blood, family is connected by heart, love, and care, just like these inspirational quotes say.
These blended family and stepmom quotes will melt her heart and strengthen the parent-child connection:
1. “Blended families are woven together by choice. Strengthened together by love. Tested by everything. And each is uniquely ours.” – Unknown
2. “Home isn’t where you’re from, it’s where you find light when all grows dark.” – Pierce Brown
3. “A child cannot have too many people who love them and want to help them succeed.” – Unknown
4. “Bright families are just like bright colors: When you blend two, you get something beautiful!” – Unknown
5. “Family isn’t something that’s supposed to be static or set. People marry in, divorce out. They’re born, they die. It’s always evolving, turning into something else.” – Sarah Dessen
6. “Families don’t have to match. You don’t have to look like someone else to love them.” – Leigh Anne Tuohy
7. “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” – Desmond Tutu
8. “Family isn’t defined only by last names or by blood; it’s defined by commitment and by love.” – Dave Willis
9. “To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there.” – Barbara Bush
10. “Marriage brought us together, being a family is just what’s in your hearts.” – Unknown
11. “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” – Richard Bach
12. “A home isn’t always the house we live in. It’s also the people we choose to surround ourselves with.” – T.J. Klune
13. “Happiness [is] only real when shared.” – Jon Krakauer
14. “Step-parenting and being a step-sibling presents a lot of exciting opportunities. When families break up and re-form, there may be less order, less certainty, and a bit more trauma involved, but kids can end up having half-a-dozen parent figures.” – Morris Gleitzman
15. “Family isn’t defined only by last names or by blood; it’s defined by commitment and by love.” – Dave Willis
16. “Stepparenting is working at a late-night convenience store…all the responsibility and n
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