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Published: 23:50 BST, 24 March 2016 | Updated: 03:33 BST, 25 March 2016
When it comes to breasts, bigger isn't always better — despite what some men (and women) might tell you.
Just take it from Instagram star and Playboy model Lindsey Pelas , 24, whose bra size is anywhere from a 32DDD to a 30H, depending on who is measuring her (totally real) breasts.
Though the Louisiana -born model is clearly happy with her 'genetically gifted' figure — and gladly posts sexy shots revealing plenty of cleavage, sideboob, underboob, and every other kind of boob on social media — being extremely busty certainly has its downsides, which she offered to list in a video for Cosmopolitan.com .
Busty problems: Instagram star Lindsey Pelas explains in a new video that there are a lot of downsides to having big breasts
All natural: The Louisiana-born model is constantly asked if her breasts are real — they are — or why she would go so big
Hold it in! Bending over to pick things up is a problem, because Lindsey fears she'll spill out of her top
No button-downs! Blouses with buttons are off-limits because they either don't close fully or pucker over breasts
'You might think having big boobs is amazing, but there are actually a few disadvantages that I'm here to share with you,' she says at the beginning of the clip.
For one thing, she says: 'Every time a girl who's super-busy bends over, she has to hold the girls, or they're going to fall out.' She them demonstrates for the camera.
'Also, you always look vulgar in regular clothing. It can be a T-shirt, a floral dress, a wedding dress, a nightgown, whatever. When you're busty, you just kind of look like a porn star [by] accident.'
This is, in fact, and age-old complaint of the big-busted, who can manage to look indecent in a top that a smaller-chested friend might look chaste in. Yet Lindsey herself doesn't seem to totally mind the 'porn star' look at least sometimes, as she shares Instagram pictures of herself in racy corsets, see-through tops, and — sometimes — no top at all.
Modest: Lindsey said that even in a T-shirt, she tends to accidentally look like a porn star
Working up a sweat: When she's at the gym, she is always worrying about bouncing and attracting unwanted attention
Finding a fit: Shopping for bras is a chore, because they rarely fit well and are hardly ever sexy in bigger sizes
'Another big boob problem is trying to button a blouse. You'll nail the third button, and then you'll get the first button, but the second one leaves you wide open and a huge shot at your cleavage,' she goes on. Even if a chesty woman manages to fasten a shirt all the way down, button-downs tend to pucker over big breasts.
Exercising is no picnic, either: 'No matter what you do when you exercise, you're gonna bounce.'
Not only can this be incredibly uncomfortable, but it also results in some unwanted attention when a girl is sweating up a storm.
Plus, she adds: 'Finding a sports bra is absolute misery. There's no way it's gonna be cute and fit and get the job done.'
In fact, all bra shopping is 'the absolute worst,' she admits. Finding a bra with a band size and cups that fit is difficult, and many brands don't even cover sizes above a D or DD. And when they do, the designs are often more 'industrial strength' than 'sex kitten'.
Not cute: Men don't typically realize that bigger breasts means more perspiration
She found at least one: Lindsey says sports bras are particularly hard to shop for
Where's my size? Lots of lingerie brands don't even carry sizes above a D or DD
Accessories are out: Long necklaces (left) and cross-body bags (right) can get lost in cleavage
And here's another less-than-sexy fact that most men — and smaller-breasted women — are likely unaware of: 'Boob sweat is a daily occurrence.'
Lindsey typically uses deodorant in her cleavage to combat the problem, and some women use it under their breasts as well.
So certainly, it's safe to say that Lindsey didn't choose for her breasts to be as big as they are. But though she's naturally top-heavy, people tend to assume she's surgically enhanced.
'People always assume your boobs are fake,' she says, imitating the irritating comments and questions that have come her way: 'Why would you get them done so big?' 'Who in their right mind would get DDDs?'
Proud of her figure: Lindsey regularly posts racy shots flaunting her breasts on Instagram
Look what I found! Lindsey said one upside is that breasts are like Mother Nature's pocket and can hold things like money and lipstick
Safety first! She also said that buckling a seatbelt over large breasts can be very uncomfortable
A large chest also manages to get in the way of style. Besides the obvious issue — that some dresses and tops don't fit over large breasts — accessories can be problematic too.
'Don't ever try to wear a long necklace if you're busty. No matter what happens, it's gonna go deep into your cleavage and look like a keychain for your nipples,' she says.
Cross-body bags are also tough to wear for the same reason — the strap tends to slide itself between breasts, which is uncomfortable and unflattering.
'Even something as simple as buckling a seat belt can be a real pain when you have large boobs. I don't know who's making those things, but imagine a seat belt so tight on your manhood that it impairs your driving.'
She does, however, admit that there are upsides to being curvy above the waist: Women with big breasts can hide just about anything in their cleavage, from cell phones to money to lipstick. For that reason, she calls it 'Mother Nature's pocket'.
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Published by Associated Newspapers Ltd
Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group
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Read The Lost Valkyrie in order! Some chapters are NSFW!
The days passed slowly, despite there being much to do, and Ulf felt like he was sleepwalking through them. And he pretty much was, to the point where Thyra took on most of the affairs of the Kingdom. And while she was able to distract herself, Ulf was not.
Instead, the King brooded most of the day on his throne. Or else he was at the village’s shrine to the gods, praying to Odin and Friia for them to send his wife back to him. And day after day, there was no word.
By now all the people had heard that their Queen was a Valkyrie, and that the Valkyries had saved Bollurgard from the demon army. The whole Kingdom was buzzing with discussion for days on end.
Meanwhile, word had also reached King Knud of the demon attacks, and he had finally seen the danger they all were in for himself, as a demon had begun to plague his lands. Now, he finally wanted to meet without preconditions to form an alliance with Bollurgard.
But so far, his messages had gone unanswered while Ulf brooded. His third message was brought to Thyra.
“My Lady,” the bird master said, “King Knud’s third message came addressed to you, begging your pardon, and it is on red parchment. I came at once.”
The Princess opened the small message and read it. “Thank you, I shall discuss this with King Ulf,” she replied to the bird master. “Please send this back to Knud as soon as possible,” she said, writing a quick note and sealing it with her Princess seal, giving the note to the bird master.
Thyra went to the throne room, but not finding Ulf there, she went next to the shrine to the gods. Ulf was there, praying to Odin.
“Allfather, please send my wife back to me. Why do you not answer? My cause is just, Allfather,” she heard him saying.
If Thyra didn’t know from experience that the Valkyries were real - that their stories were true - she might think her brother had lost his mind. But Odin was clearly as real as the Valkyries, and he could be reached with words of prayer. She was loath to interrupt her brother in his grief and need, but she felt she had to.
“Brother,” she started. And he turned to look at her.
“King Knud wishes for support destroying the demon plaguing his kingdom. May I send five of our well-trained men to him from Hans’ guards? It would be a good test for them, my King.”
Ulf waved his hand in dismissal and turned back to his prayers. He’d barely heard her, it seemed. She wondered if he’d even remember, later.
“It hurts, sister,” he said suddenly, still looking at the shrine. “It hurts, and I cannot bear it. By the gods, I won’t fulfill the fate they have in mind for me if they deny me my bride. Tell Knud we have no men to spare at the present. Tell the Allfather the same, when you pray. If he will not help me, I will not help him.”
Thyra walked over to the King and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Brother, you cannot go against the gods. Against your fate. You will bring calamity to your people, and to Midgard. You heard the word of the Valkyrie seeress.”
But King Ulf only scoffed, and when he spoke, his voice was hard as iron.
“I will not serve gods so unjust as to send me the most beautiful, amazing woman in all Asgard and Midgard, set the stage for me to fall in love with her, and then take her away after letting us marry in the full view of them. I will not do it. If they are that cruel, they are hardly better than our demon foes. Send my response to Knud, sister.”
The Princess bowed to the King, though he had never turned to face her. “It shall be done, my Lord.” And she left.
Meanwhile, Rune had arrived without incident at Valhalla with her sisters. As they landed, a Valkyrie came with a message.
“The Allfather bids you prepare for a great victory feast; a feast to celebrate our victories over the demons in Bollurgard! It will be held tonight!”
Indeed, all of Valhalla seemed to buzz with the news! The Mightiest Warrior of Valhalla had returned victorious after almost two months of absence. On her way to the barracks, everyone whom she passed offered congratulations!
“I heard you defeated a power demon!”
“Was the demon army as big as they say? With huge demons in it?”
“We want to hear the whole story of your battle tonight!”
“Hail Rune, and hail her Valkyrie sisters!”
It was nice to be welcomed home, and Rune smiled, nodded and waved to all who greeted her, but the young Valkyrie was not happy. In fact, she was heartbroken. She missed her King and husband!
Back in the barracks, there was her old bed, waiting for her just like always. As if she’d never left. But she was changed, and being in this setting felt weird to her, now.
Ase came over. “Are you OK, Rune? It must be strange to be back. It is good to have you back, though.” She smiled and leaned close to whisper, “And I’ve missed our nights together. I understand if you don’t want to do that any more, now that you’re in-love and married. But if you want to snuggle like we used to, just let me know. Maybe it would help.”
And the girl kissed her cheek tenderly.
Rune blushed and nodded noncommittally but with a smile. She’d not even considered what she would do back in Valhalla. Some of the girls like Ase were readily available to her. And it was at least somewhat expected she’d be available at times to the men of Valhalla.
But THAT thought was now revolting to her. Rune was married, and she wanted only ONE man. HER man. As for another girl, she’d often wondered if Thyra wanted to be closer to her while she was in Bollurgard, and now that she had her memory back, she knew why. She’d had that sort of relationship with Ase!
Thyra had never tried anything to make it happen, but now that she was “back to normal,” Ase was interested.
She wasn’t sure. It wasn’t like being with another man - not exactly. The rules of marriage, like many of the rules of life on Midgard, seemed complex. She sighed. More stuff to figure out!
Hildi appeared as Rune was considering these things.
“Rune, the Allfather commands your presence in the throne room.” Hildi was wearing a serious expression, and Rune sighed again.
“This day just keeps getting better and better,” she said as she fell in beside Hildi, who took her hand and squeezed it.
“Try not to worry, sister,” Hildi told her. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
Rune smiled gratefully, but she WAS worried. And the closer they got to the throne room, the more worried she got!
“Remember, little sister. Head held HIGH. You’re still the Mightiest Warrior of Valhalla!”
Rune nodded and did it, but her stomach was still in knots.
Finally, she and Hildi entered through the large double doors to the room where Odin, the Allfather, greatest of all the heavenly powers, rendered judgment from his seat of power. The mood was quiet, as everyone present turned to look at Rune as she entered. She saw many of the gods there. And many of the senior Valkyries were also there. Some did NOT look at her in a friendly way.
In the past, such attention would have immediately intimidated the youngest Valkyrie. But not today. Not any more. Now, she felt their attention as a challenge, and instead of cowing her, Rune actually started to feel better. The lead-up was worse than whatever would happen now. At least she hoped.
Friia was also present, and she smiled at the young woman. By the gods, she loved Friia!
In any event, “The Mightiest Warrior of Valhalla” had now proven herself three times to be worthy of the title. And she decided she was going to wear it for everyone in this room.
“My Lord,” she declared as she neared the throne curtsying formally to the Allfather before standing straight and tall again, Hildi behind her. And Helga joined them, standing with Hildi.
Odin looked down at her from his throne, his glance shrewd and penetrating.
“So, you have return
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