Bubble Butt Guy
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Bubble Butt Guy
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Dad bods ( husky guys , as Cosmopolitan.com calls them) have been hot this year — soft, once-fit-but-now-out-of-shape dudes who are " basically a third pillow with a dick ." The main physical draw of a dad bod is his torso (you know, pillow, dick, etc.) but a subset of dad bods share something special: the male bubble butt.
Male bubble butts aren't reserved for dad bods only. Athletic guys — the ones doing all the squats and sprints — are most known for their high, bulbous butts. Chubby guys who lose weight sometimes mercifully get to keep their butts. But no matter who it's on, male bubble butts are grossly underappreciated. You rarely hear a song dedicated to man booty, and straight men aren't typically posting belfies all over the Internet to show off their rear cantaloupes. They really should be. A male bubble butt is what catches your eye as a guy passes you on the street and you can't help but think to yourself, Damn. A male bubble butt is the round and delicious-looking tush that backs up into you in a crowded elevator even though you thought he was four inches farther forward. It's the thing that brings you joy when you're out to dinner with a guy and he gets up to go to the bathroom and you get to watch him walk away in his jeans that are loose everywhere but his butt. MBBs (Male bubble butts, of course) are round, perky, and look good in anything or nothing. No droopy-assed khakis. Not a single pancake-backed jean. And dress pants. Did you know dress pants need something to drape off of? Now you do. Bubble butts are the best butts.
On a recent episode of MTV's True Life: I Hate My Butt , Derec, a 23-year-old college baseball player with an incredible bubble butt, struggled with his — what I consider to be — blessing. Derec talks about how his friends are always making fun of his bubble butt (they're just jealous, Derec) and how he feels self-conscious about it. Gawker 's Rich Juzwiak responded with praise for Derec's well-maintained bubble, writing that, when it comes to attracting a mate, "a big ass must be a big asset," and spurred The Daily Dot to call for a "big booty renaissance" for men like 2014 brought for women. We've got Nicki Minaj and Kim Kardashian. We've got "All About That Bass" and J. Lo's "Booty." What do dudes have? Wherefore art the male bubble butt pride? To all the males with bubble butts: Your booty is just as amazing as Nicki's.
Perky male bubble butts don't have bad days. They're always good for a cuddle. When you're with a bubble butt, you'll actually want to be the big spoon. Pull it in. Hug it close. Snuggle up to that big round butt. Wouldn't you prefer a bouncy cushion to a sinewy arm for grabbing when you're making out or having sex? Thought so.
Another great thing about male bubble butts — and the renaissance Daily Dot is calling for — is that they're wonderfully feminist. Want social equality of the sexes? Give us man butts equal to the impressive female butts we see on the cover of Ass Monthly or whatever those magazines are that show women squatting in G-strings on their covers. MBBs also lead to equality in the bedroom; when you're the big spoon, you're in control. It's the best kind of gender role reversal: the kind that empowers you and comes with a side of juicy flank steak. Male butt play in straight relationships is getting more popular too and, while I am, um, not quite there yet, I'd rather peg a bubble but than a pancake.
So embrace the male bubble butt with open hearts and open hands. Here are some fantastic celebrity bubble butts that will probably evoke some feelings, and possibly make you want to call up Derec from True Life to let him know he doesn't have it so bad.
beefy butt
big thighs
ass parade
rugby butt
naked outside
exposed
rugby butt
beefy butt
rugby butt
exposed
beefy butt
beefy butt
rugby butt
bubble butt
Jockstrap
Jockstrap
sporty butt
beefy
butt
grey marl
beefy butt
hairy legs
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