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Savage Love

Jun 13, 2019 at 4:20 pm

She's Been Blowing Her Husband for 25 Years But Something's Suddenly Off...

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I really like giving him head because it's really his favorite and I can get creative and make him practically scream. But this taste thing means he only gets it maybe once a month because it's truly a labor of love. We have tried putting flavoring on (chocolate, etc), and that helps somewhat, but it's not always practical to have that stuff on hand. Is there something he can eat/take that will improve the flavor? Or any tips/tricks for not gagging? It really is the flavor and not how deep in my mouth—I used to go deeper than I do now, exactly for this reason.
Men tend to produce less ejaculate as they age, ANB, and ejaculate isn't produced in the balls. Sperm cells, which are produced in the balls, only account for a tiny percentage of a man's total ejaculate—and sperm isn't a sweetener, ANB, so removing sperm from the mix (by getting a vasectomy) won't impact taste much.
So what's in his jizz then? Take it away, Encyclopedia Britannica ...
In the sexually mature human male, sperm cells are produced by the testes (singular, testis); they constitute only about 2 to 5 percent of the total semen volume. As sperm travel through the male reproductive tract, they are bathed in fluids produced and secreted by the various tubules and glands of the reproductive system. After emerging from the testes, sperm are stored in the epididymis, in which secretions of potassium, sodium, and glycerylphosphorylcholine (an energy source for sperm) are contributed to the sperm cells. Sperm mature in the epididymis. They then pass through a long tube, called the ductus deferens, or vas deferens, to another storage area, the ampulla. The ampulla secretes a yellowish fluid, ergothioneine, a substance that reduces (removes oxygen from) chemical compounds, and the ampulla also secretes fructose, a sugar that nourishes the sperm. During the process of ejaculation, liquids from the prostate gland and seminal vesicles are added, which help dilute the concentration of sperm and provide a suitable environment for them. Fluids contributed by the seminal vesicles are approximately 60 percent of the total semen volume; these fluids contain fructose, amino acids, citric acid, phosphorus, potassium, and hormones known as prostaglandins. The prostate gland contributes about 30 percent of the seminal fluid; the constituents of its secretions are mainly citric acid, acid phosphatase, calcium, sodium, zinc, potassium, protein-splitting enzymes, and fibrolysin (an enzyme that reduces blood and tissue fibres). A small amount of fluid is secreted by the bulbourethral and urethral glands; this is a thick, clear, lubricating protein commonly known as mucus.
Anyway, ANB, the older a man gets, the less of all of that—the less fructose (a sweetener!), amino acids, citric acid, phosphorus, potassium, sodium, glycerylphosphorylcholine, and that "thick, clear, lubricating protein commonly known as mucus," etc.—he produces. Consequently, your husband's ejaculate is more concentrated these days than it was when you first started blowing him 25 years ago, ANB, something that could impact taste and " mouthfeel ," as they say in junk food R&D.
So what can you do? Well, you don't have to keep swallowing. As I've said long said ....
Swallowing is extra credit. It's not a course requirement. I say this as someone who gives and receives blowjobs: If someone sucks your dick until you come, you got your damn blowjob. What a blower does with the blowee's come after the blowjob is over—spit, swallow, spread it on toast—is the blower's call to make.
If given a choice between fewer blowjobs with swallowing or more blowjobs without swallowing, ANB, I imagine your husband would opt for the latter. (Protip: blow him until he's just about to come—when he's just past the point of orgasmic inevitability—then pull out as he starts to come and keep a spitty/wet hand working his shaft and head until he's drained.)
And while it's a myth that eating pineapple or chugging two cans of sweetened condensed milk can improve the flavor of a man's ejaculate, it's a fact that our bodily fluids are impacted by our diets. If your husband has a shitty diet—if he doesn't do fresh fruit or drink much water, if all he eats is junk food and all he drinks is booze and/or coffee—the effect on his ejaculate would become more pronounced over time. Getting him to eat better and drink water—not sweetened condensed milk—won't turn his come into vanilla pudding, ANB, but it could make it easier to swallow.
Impeach the motherfucker already! Get your ITMFA buttons, t-shirts, hats and lapel pins and coffee mugs at www.ITMFA.org !
Tickets to HUMP 2019 are on sale now! Get them here!

by Korin Miller Published: Mar 27, 2015
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
Korin Miller is a freelance writer specializing in general wellness, sexual health and relationships, and lifestyle trends, with work appearing in Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Self, Glamour, and more. She has a master’s degree from American University, lives by the beach, and hopes to own a teacup pig and taco truck one day.
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At least now you know you're not the only one who checks his e-mail when he's not around.
I have a confession to make: When my husband Chris is out of town, I tend to act a little...differently.
I'll wait hours to shower after going for a run, lounge around the house in my grody workout gear, and eat ice cream straight from the tub. I also always go to bed in my comfiest and most unsexy pajamas (a onesie with a butt flap, thank you very much).
I spend so much time bringing my A-game when he's around that it feels a- freaking -mazing to do the complete opposite when I'm left to my own devices.
Of course, one time he came home early and caught me in the act. I was standing in the kitchen, eating ice cream with a fork, while working my holey, '80s-cut running underwear, a sports bra, and greasy hair. It was heaven...until he walked in.
While I was mortified, it still hasn't stopped me from doing the same thing every time he's out of town. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has little habits that I keep from my other half. Just to be positive (because I really, really don’t want to give up my onesie), I took a survey of my married girlfriends. Here's what I discovered (the names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent):
"My husband never logs out of his e-mail when he's done and sometimes even leaves it up on our computer. So of course I'm going to look at it. I've never found anything even remotely off, but that doesn't stop me from looking around his inbox and sent folder every once in a while." — Sarah
"Sometimes, I'll check out my husband on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter and spend time looking at what he posted. It's kind of weird, but I guess I'm just curious to see what he's talking about and who he's talking with when he's not with me." — Katie
"I've never farted in front of my husband—at least that I'll admit—but sometimes I have a gas problem, especially when I order this one dish I love from a Mexican takeout place near my house that's loaded with onions. I only order it when my husband isn't going to be around for 24 hours so I can fart in peace." — Laney
"Every once in a while, I'll look at my husband's texts. I'm paranoid he has one of those apps that tell you when someone's been on your phone—but apparently not paranoid enough." — Amy
"My husband is big on recapping his workday in detail when he gets home. It's so boring, so I usually tune him out. I discovered that I can say the right things at the right time by reading his facial expressions. If he looks upset, I'll just say something like, 'I'm sorry,' when he stops talking. He thinks I was listening the whole time." — Erin
Here are a few other things many married women do but would never own up to:
Throw out your husband’s ratty Homer Simpson boxers when he’s not around and then pretend to help look for them when he starts panicking about not being able to find them.
Watch the next episode of The Walking Dead without your man, but pretend to be shocked at the twists and turns when you watch again with him.
“Forget” to unload the dishwasher, take out the trash, or make the bed, so he has to do it.
Polish off the leftovers from the night before and then play dumb about their whereabouts.
Talk for ages about how “stressed” and “overwhelmed” you are, so he volunteers to take on your regular chores.
Speed through sex because you really, really want to be done in time for the new episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians .
So, okay, keeping some habits on the DL in your marriage is apparently normal, although I bet women aren't the only ones who do this. Just to be sure, I asked a married guy friend.
His response: "Sometimes I unplug the Wi-Fi router if I lose an argument."
Korin Miller is a writer, SEO nerd, wife, and mom to a little two-year-old dude named Miles. Korin has worked for The Washington PostNew York Daily NewsCosmopolitan
, , and , where she learned more than anyone ever should about sex. She has an unhealthy addiction to gifs.
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