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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
Posted April 28, 2008
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Reviewed by Devon Frye
Fellow "Experiments in Philosophy " blogger Jesse Prinz posted about UVA psychologist Jon Haidt's work on political differences. I want to continue exploring the philosophical implications of Haidt's work by asking whether it's all right for Julie and her brother Mark to have sex .
Here's a scenario drawn from a study Haidt conducted:
"Julie and Mark are brother and sister. They are traveling together in France on summer vacation from college. One night, they are staying alone in a cabin near the beach. They decide that it would be interesting and fun if they tried making love. At the very least, it would be a new experience for each of them. Julie was already taking birth control pills, but Mark uses a condom, too, just to be safe. They both enjoy making love, but they decide never to do it again. They keep that night as a special secret, which makes them feel even closer to each other. What do you think about that? Was it okay for them to make love?"
If you're like most people, your response is "absolutely not," but you'll find it more difficult than you think to come up with a justification. "Genetic defects from inbreeding." Yes, but they were using two forms of birth control. (And in the vanishingly small chance of pregnancy , Julie can get an abortion.) "It will mess them up emotionally." On the contrary, they enjoyed the act and it brought them closer together. "It's illegal." Not in France. "It's disgusting." For you, maybe, but not for them (obviously). Do you really want to say that private acts are morally wrong just because a lot of people find those acts disgusting? And so on.
The scenario, of course, is designed to ward off the most common moral objections to incest, and in doing so demonstrate that much of moral reasoning is a post-hoc affair—a way of justifying judgments that you've already reached though an emotional gut response to a situation. Although we like to think of ourselves as arriving at our moral judgments after painstaking rational deliberation (or at least some kind of deliberation) Haidt's model—the "social intuititionist model"—sees the process as just the reverse. We judge and then we reason. Reason is the press secretary of the emotions, as Haidt is fond of saying—the ex post facto spin doctor of beliefs we've arrived at through a largely intuitive process.
As Haidt recognizes, his theory can be placed within a grand tradition of moral psychology and philosophy—a return to an emphasis on the emotions which began in full force with the work of Scottish philosophers Adam Smith and David Hume. Although the more rationalist theories of Piaget and Kohlberg were dominant for much of the twentieth century, Haidt-style views have gained more and more adherents over the last 10 years. Which leads to the question: are there any philosophical/ethical implications of this model, should it be the right one? Plenty, in my view, and I'll conclude this post by mentioning just a few of them.
First, although Haidt may disagree (see my interview with him for a discussion about this issue), I believe Haidt's model supports a subjectivist view about the nature of moral beliefs. My thinking is as follows: We arrive at our judgments through our emotionally charged intuitions—intuitions that do not track any kind of objective moral truth, but instead are artifacts of our biological and cultural histories. Haidt's model reveals that there is quite a bit of self-deception bound up in moral beliefs and practice. The strength of these intuitions leads us to believe that the truth of our moral judgments is "self-evident"—think: the Declaration of Independence—in other words, that they correspond to an objective moral reality of some kind. That is why we try so hard to justify them after the fact. But we have little to no reason to believe that this moral reality exists.
(I should add that contrary to the views of newspaper columnists across the country, claiming that a view might lead to moral relativism or subjectivism is not equivalent to saying that the view is false. This is not a reductio ad absurdum . If Haidt's model is vindicated scientifically, and it does indeed entail that moral relativism or subjectivism is true, then we have to accept it. Rejecting a theory just because you feel uncomfortable about its implications is a far more skeptical or nihilistic stance than anything I've discussed in this post.)
Second, and less abstractly, I think it would make sense to subject our own values to far more critical scrutiny than we're accustomed to doing. If Haidt is right, our values may not be on the secure footing that we believe them to be. We could very well find that upon reflection, many of our values do not reflect our considered beliefs about what makes for a good life.
It's important to note that Haidt does not claim that it's impossible for reason to change our moral values or the values of others. He just believes that this kind of process happens far less frequently than we believe—and furthermore, that when values are affected by reason, it is because reason triggers a new emotional response which, in turn, starts a new chain of justification.
Finally, I think we might become a little more tolerant of the moral views of others (within limits, of course—sometimes too much tolerance is tantamount to suicide ). Everyone is morally motivated, as Haidt says: liberals should stop thinking of conservatives as motivated only by greed and racism . And conservatives should stop thinking of liberals as—as Jesse Prinz puts it in his post—"either tree-hugging fools or calculating agents of moral degeneracy."
More importantly, if Haidt is correct, we must recognize even the people we consider to be the epitome of pure evil—the Islamic fundamentalists who engineered 9/11, for example—are motivated by moral goals , however distorted we find them to be. As Haidt told me in our interview:
"One of the most psychologically stupid things anyone ever said is that the 9/11 terrorists did this because they hate our freedom. That's just idiotic. Nobody says: 'They're free over there. I hate that. I want to kill them.' They did this because they hate us; they're angry at us for many reasons, and terrorism and violence are 'moral' actions—by which I don't mean morally right, I mean morally motivated."
It seems plausible that in order to shape our policies properly, we need to have an accurate understanding of the moral motivations of the people with whom we're at war.
Haidt, J . (2001). The emotional dog and its rational tail: A social intuitionist approach to moral judgment. Psychological Review. 108, 814-834
August 2005 interview with Jon Haidt in The Believer.
Tamler Sommers is a professor of philosophy at the University of Houston.
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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
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Published October 12, 2012 12:00AM (EDT)
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Child Abuse
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Since You Asked
When I was 18, I found out that my brother (I'll call him "T") had been sexually abused for years by a family friend. This friend had been one of our dad's drinking buddies. He would come over and they would get so sloshed together that this friend would end up spending the night. When it started, "T" was about 8.
It was found out by my mother (divorced from my father) who walked in on two of my other brothers engaged in fellatio. This was when I was 18, the other two brothers were 10 and 12 at the time. My mother called my father ... she had somehow connected all the dots already. The police came. "T," then 16, was questioned. "T" told everyone about how this family friend had been "raping" him for years. The family friend was indicted by a grand jury, and then a few days later shot himself before standing trial. My brother, a minor himself, went into counseling.
My sister, age 8, then came forward and said that "T" had also been molesting her ever since she could remember. Then, my cousin said that he used to come over to her house when her dad wasn't home and asked if he could be her first kiss. Then, my other brother, age 6, said that he didn't want to talk about it ... and on and on. Minimal, if any therapy, was received by my other siblings. Each of those siblings went on to start drinking and using drugs. My youngest brother started getting high at age 12, and I've never seen him sober since. He's now 25. It seemed that everyone I knew, every young family member, had been affected. My dad drank, but then again that had started way before any of this. Mind you, I once found naked photos of my father with his sister.
Fast-forward to 10 or 12 years later ... "T" married a woman he had dated for several years -- a woman I don't like ... a woman who seems fine on the outside, but almost as if there's something stirring underneath ... a woman I don't trust. I was still wrestling with my anger with "T," my own feelings of worthlessness for not having protected my siblings, and my anger with my dad for just having another cocktail with all of the craziness. On the outside, everyone looks so put together. Everyone laughs, sings, parties together ... yet under the surface ... well, there's so much that nobody was saying.
So, I asked "T" if he'd told his wife. He said that was none of my business. I asked if he was considering having children. Again, none of my business. He said that he was actively working on his issues with a therapist, and that he'd never have children if he thought he himself was a threat. That was four or five years ago.
They've had two children in the past three years. I still wonder. I still worry. The family continues to go on partying together. Nobody is in therapy, not even "T." I've asked my other siblings about it to the point that I've been told to back off. They're all in their mid- to late 20s now. "T"'s wife is still passive-aggressive, still has no girlfriends, still makes these horribly mean jabs just under her breath. I take over hand-me-down clothes for her kids that my children have outgrown. I take over housewarming gifts ... .all met with the same response. She's got this insincere kindness upfront, but then I get wind of the gossip ... the things I speak in love that get distorted, twisted, turned and then gossiped about. I feel that my brother might be damaged, and I know that a healthy woman doesn't marry a damaged man ... but I just cannot seem to put my finger on it.
I often feel as if my brother is incapable of empathy. Once, when someone called him a narcissist, I looked up the definition of NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), and felt that maybe he might meet that description -- always the victim regardless of the situation, incapable of seeing someone else's point of view, catastrophically damaged at a very young age to the point of fracture. Any relationship I ever try to create with him is completely one-sided. I'm not asked to meet on common ground -- it's his way, period. If I say, "I can't come to the party," it's met with, "Why not ... what do you have going on." They complain about their children never having playmates -- how my children should come over so they can play, but yet they've chosen to home-school. If I am so important, if they want me around, then why am I not treated with more respect? Plus, I cannot, not even for a minute, take my eyes off my children when we're around them. I feel like I can't relax -- like my children are in a room full of knives. My husband always comes and he knows the entire story, but still ... it gets old. I'd like to say I've gotten through my anger, but I'm not so sure. I definitely don't trust. Maybe who I'm really mad at i
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