Brooklyn Not Shy About Masturbating

Brooklyn Not Shy About Masturbating

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Austin, TX
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Chicago, IL
Denver, CO
Houston, TX
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Portland, OR
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San Francisco, CA
Seattle, WA
Washington, DC

Mental Health

Addiction

Anxiety

ADHD

Asperger's

Autism

Bipolar Disorder

Chronic Pain

Depression

Eating Disorders

Personality

Passive Aggression

Personality

Shyness

Personal Growth

Goal Setting

Happiness

Positive Psychology

Stopping Smoking

Relationships

Low Sexual Desire

Relationships

Sex

Family Life

Child Development

Parenting

Talk to Someone

Find a Therapist

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Trending Topics

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Neuroscience

The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.

Posted May 30, 2018

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Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

Masturbation. Even the word itself conjures up discomfort for many women. As stated by Lonnie Barbach : "The guilt , fear , anxiety … that surrounds masturbation is astounding, especially when one realizes … how pervasive it is among human beings."
Indeed, when I polled my most recent class, 89 percent of female students said they’d masturbated—but almost a third felt guilty about it. When Joyce McFadden conducted a similar survey, the results were even higher: Seventy percent of the women in her study felt guilty about masturbating.
So, where does all this guilt come from? For some women, it’s due to a lack of information. The majority of the women in my class say that when they were growing up, no one ever talked to them about self-pleasure . McFadden found that 80 percent of the women who responded to her survey were never talked to about masturbation being a normal aspect of human sexuality . Clearly, for many women, lack of knowledge and silence surrounding self-pleasure contributes to guilt.
However, for many women, their guilt comes from something worse than silence. Many have been told by authority figures that masturbation is bad and to be avoided. Many are told it is unhealthy or sinful.
The idea that masturbation is sinful isn’t surprising, since many religions condemn it. A lot of them point to a Bible story where a guy named Onan is supposed to have intercourse with his brother’s widow to make a baby. He refuses, "spills his seed,” and is struck dead. But, here’s a twist: Modern Bible experts aren’t sure if he’s struck dead for not making a baby with his dead brother’s wife or for masturbating—and some think he didn’t even masturbate at all, but "spilled his seed” when he pulled out so as not to ejaculate inside her.
Modern experts also point out that aside from this one ambiguous story, the Bible says little about masturbation in general and almost nothing about female masturbation. That’s why these experts disagree about whether the Bible is against masturbation or not. It’s also why a lot of respected religious leaders from diverse faiths actually say masturbation is acceptable.
One affirming spiritual masturbation quote from a book that is highly respected among sex educators tell us that “Masturbation is … an inherent gift. The design of the human body gives us free access to our genitals ... it's clear this function was granted for our enjoyment.” Clearly, some new-age spiritual writers give self-pleasure a thumbs up.
But religion isn’t the only source of guilt. Sometimes women feel guilty because they’ve been told that masturbation is harmful. This is a relic of what people were told in the olden days. In the 18th century, people were warned that if they masturbated, their hands would get covered in warts and hair. Yikes! People were also told that masturbation caused blindness, acne, and infertility . Also, doctors observed patients in mental hospitals masturbating and concluded masturbation was the source of the patient’s mental disorders. The truth is that the patients were just doing what most of us do—although with less privacy and at more frequency, since they were cooped up with little else to do. Anyway, the bottom line is that in previous generations, medical experts told people that masturbation was the root of a lot of illnesses.
And, now, we know that just the opposite is true. As Jenny Block, author of OWow , writes: “Have a migraine ? Masturbate. Feeling stuck creatively? Masturbate. Feeling blue? Masturbate. Can’t sleep? Masturbate. Mired in stress ? Low self-esteem ? Sex drive in low gear? Chronic pain ? Masturbation is good for what ails you.”
All of this is true—and indeed, backed up by research . And there’s more. As just two additional examples, pleasuring yourself burns calories and enhances your immune system (so you get sick less often). It also can help relieve menstrual cramps and strengthen the muscle tone in your pelvic region, which in turn will make your orgasms feel more intense. In short, there’s absolutely no doubt that solo sex has enormous psychological and health benefits. But, here’s the important thing. It’s not the masturbation that’s causing all these benefits. It’s the self-induced orgasms!
Let’s talk about self-induced orgasms. First, women are way more likely to orgasm by themselves than with a partner. Many women also say the orgasms they have by themselves are more intense than those they have with a partner. Self-induced orgasms also happen faster (average of about 4 minutes) than the orgasms women have with partners (average of about 20 minutes). This is because during masturbation, the majority of women are able to touch their clitorises exactly the way they like. It’s also because without a partner in the picture, there are fewer pleasure-sucking cognitive distractions. (Do I look okay? Am I taking too long?) As Lonnie Barbach aptly stated: “The reason self-stimulation works so well … is that you are the only one involved.”
This ability to focus completely on oneself is the reason that when therapists work with women who have never had an orgasm, instructing them to engage in self-pleasure is always the first step. It’s also an essential step in all sex therapy aimed at helping women learn to orgasm with partners. Women need to first lean what type of stimulation they like by themselves and then the next step is being able to talk to and teach a partner this.
And, finally, it’s important to know that women who pleasure themselves have more—not less—sex with partners. That’s because the more sex you have, including with yourself, the more sex you want. And the more orgasms you have by any method, including by giving yourself one, the more sexually responsive you will be. Research shows that women who pleasure themselves have more orgasms with partners as well.
In short, masturbation is an important and essential component of female sexuality and sexual pleasure—despite it still being mired in confusion, guilt, and controversy.
Laurie Mintz, Ph.D. is a psychologist, professor at the University of Florida, and the author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex and Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It .

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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.

By Hannah Orenstein Published: Dec 4, 2017
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"I can't be the only one who does it, right?"
Masturbation — there , we said it. Touching yourself might feel taboo and you might be embarrassed to talk about it, but exploring your sexuality is totally normal. It's a healthy way to learn about yourself and your body, so you feel more comfortable when you're ready to have a sexual partner. (And hey, it's fun and feels good, too.) If you think you're the only one of your friends who has done it, you're probably not. Here, 18 girls open up about how they do it, how often they do it, and all the complicated feelings (pleasure, empowerment, happiness, embarrassment) that go along with it.
1. "I was 13 or 14 when I masturbated for the first time. I was watching TV with my grandma — I think it was Modern Family — and they brought up masturbation. I had no idea at that time what it even meant, but handy ol' Google quickly filled me in. I masturbated for the first time shortly after that. It was awkward at first. I tried the whole shower head thing to see what all the hype was about, but it didn't work for me. I probably masturbate twice a week now. I come from a very religious family, so I thought it was something to be ashamed of. Now, it's completely different. A girl's got needs." — Spencer, 17
2. "I was 15 years old when it first happened. Up until a few months ago, I was COMPLETELY embarrassed about masturbation. Each time I did it, I was ashamed that it happened and wished that it didn't. I knew this feeling would occur afterwards, but I always did it anyways. However, now that I'm entering college and defining who I am, I am realizing that it isn't something I should be ashamed of. I can't be the only one who does it, right? The feminist in me has given me the ability to feel empowered and in control of myself and what I want each time it happens." — Malia, 18
3. "I use my hand, read sexy stories, and fantasize about past experiences. I masturbate quite frequently actually — at least four times a week. I'm an open book when it comes to literally anything else, but when it comes to masturbation, I'd never admit to doing it. Honestly, typing, or even saying the words 'I masturbate,' feels so foreign and taboo. I'm not ashamed of doing it, I'm just super secretive about it." — Noelle, 17
4. "I started experimenting with masturbation last year. I was a little nervous about it, but when I attempted it, I felt a little pleasure and wasn't so turned off by the idea anymore. I usually do it before I go to bed so I fall asleep better. At first, I used a pillow to masturbate and just recently switched to doing it myself. There's so many good things that come from having an orgasm so why wouldn't you? You've got to learn what you like and figure yourself out before someone else can. " — Annaka, 17
5. "I started when I was 17. I had my first orgasm, and after that, it became something I had to do every night. I just tend to use clitoral stimulation because it's foolproof for me and it's what I am most comfortable with at the moment. " — Jackie, 19
6. "I was 19 years old and had just gotten out of a pretty bad relationship. One day when I was sad, my best friend/roommate said I need to lock myself in my room, explore my body and love myself. Ever since, I've been very open to masturbating and truthfully regret not pleasuring myself sooner. Since then, I would say I regularly masturbate maybe three times a week, whenever I have free time in my bed really. I use my hand and read stories from time to time. It's empowered me to take control of my body and dictate when and how I experience pleasure. In a society that prioritizes men's sexual pleasure over women's, I take pride in knowing that I love myself and deserve all the pleasure I want and enjoy." — Avery, 22
7. "My mom told me once that she saw me playing with myself when I was a toddler, but the first time I can remember masturbating was in my early teens, maybe 13 or 14. I think it was to a fan fiction. It was pretty clumsy, and I recall being more embarrassed and worried that someone would walk in on me than focused on pleasure. Now, it makes me feel happy and satisfied. It's nice to be able to take pleasure into your own hands... literally. " — Megan, 19
8. "I usually masturbate once a day. I have to have visuals, so I watch porn. It's hard for me to just imagine stuff. I'm not embarrassed that I masturbate; if we're close enough and you ask me, I won't deny it at all. Or sometimes when I'm texting my friends in the group chat I'll be like, "brb gonna go mb." It's completely normal. I used to be really ashamed about it, though." — Fran, 22
9. "I masturbate roughly one to three times a week. When I first started masturbating, I'd use either my fingers or my shower head. Now that I'm 18, I bought myself a vibrator. " — Jill, 18
10. "I was about 11 the first time I masturbated. It was kind of an accident. I had a pillow between my legs to keep them from sticking to each other, and next thing I knew, I was humping the pillow. I usually start off reading sexy stories on Tumblr or porn websites, hump my pillow, and then start to use my hand. I've never talked to anyone about masturbating because I feel like I'd get judged for doing it. But the older I get and the more I hear about women masturbating, the better I feel about it. I don't think of masturbating as a bad thing anymore." — Ada, 18
11. "I was probably like 15 my first time. It was a really awkward and clumsy experience, and I felt guilty for doing it. I just use my hand, and usually if I'm in the mood to do it, I really don't need to think about anything else to help. It makes me feel proud that I'm secure enough with myself and my body to do it. I'm not ashamed at all because theres nothing wrong with doing it. It's a great way to relieve stress." — Michaela, 17
12. "I was 18 when I first tried. It was a super uncomfortable feeling. I think because I felt like it was a 'dirty' thi
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