Breastfeeding Bondage
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Breastfeeding Bondage
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Did you know more than a third of men have fantasized about breast milk in some way?
Okay, has anyone ever read Fifty Shades Freed, the third book in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy? No? Well, there's a scene in the epilogue where Anastasia Steele is breastfeeding, and her husband, Christian Grey, says he's looking forward to tasting her breast milk. It’s a small moment, but it got me thinking: Is adult breastfeeding , like, a sex thing?
Indeed it is, says Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, host of the Sex and Psychology Podcast , and member of the Men's Health Advisory Board. And this kink—which falls under the category of erotic lactation—is more common than you might think. When Lehmiller surveyed 4,000 Americans about their sexual fantasies, he specifically asked about fantasies involving body fluids. “I saw that 31% of men said that they fantasized about breast milk in some way before, which suggests that having fantasies about erotic lactation is not uncommon,” he explains.
Breastmilk fantasies take many different forms, Lehmiller adds. "For some men, what really gets them going is the idea of drinking a woman's breast milk, sometimes by drinking directly from a woman's breast," he says. "Other times, however, what turns men on is the idea of watching a woman lactate, or having a woman lactase on them during sexual activity. So, you know, these fantasies can take a lot of different forms.”
And, just in case you’re wondering: There is nothing wrong or abnormal about adult breastfeeding, or any other form of erotic lactation. It's just another kink that couples can engage in if everyone's down to do it. You might find you're more into it than you think, once you learn more about it.
Though adult breastfeeding and erotic lactation are terms often used interchangeably, they are not the same thing, says certified sex therapist Stefani Goerlich. “Erotic lactation is an umbrella term that adult breastfeeding would fall under, but it's not the only thing that would fall under the umbrella of erotic lactation,” she says.
Other acts such as adult baby play—where a partner dresses up or acts like an infant or child, Lehmiller says—can also tap into erotic lactation. Some people like watching a mother lactate, whereas others prefer using breast milk during a sexual act, Goerlich adds. Similar to BDSM , there are different forms of sexual activity within erotic lactation.
As we've seen among bodybuilders who think breast milk will help them build muscle , some folks who don't produce their own milk decide to buy it online—and there are serious health risks involved. The breast milk available through sites like Craigslist isn't regulated, which means you don't know what's in it; it could be carrying bacteria or diseases such as HIV.
“You're receiving bodily fluids from somebody that it hasn't been tested," Goerlich explains. "It hasn't been pasteurized. It hasn't been verified that they are drug or disease-free. And then you're trusting that [it’s] going to be safe for you. That is a calculated risk assessment that everybody needs to make for themselves.”
Lehmiller recommends starting slow: If you've never discussed any sexual fantasies with your partner, the first step is normalizing those kinds of conversations within your relationship. Maybe you start by talking about some of the more vanilla things you want to try, to build trust; over time—when you feel like you and your partner are more comfortable sharing more taboo desires—you can open up about your kinkier fantasies .
Before you decide to bring up your interest in erotic lactation, do some soul-searching to figure out what about it appeals to. (This will help you pitch it to your partner!) Maybe you're drawn to the sensory aspect of playing with breastmilk, or you're craving the intimate connection that comes with being breastfed.
“If you are able to understand yourself and know why this appeals to you, then you can explain it to your partner in a non-threatening [way],” Goerlich says. “Starting from a place of curiosity and knowing what your goal is makes it easier [to] sell any kink or fetish.”
Don’t get offended or angry if your partner is turned off or disgusted, Lehmiller says. Not everyone is going to like your kinks and your partner shouldn’t feel pressured to please you with acts that make them uncomfortable. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t receive sexual satisfaction in your own relationship. You and your partner need to compromise.
“It's important to think about what are some potential alternatives. Suggest other options and things that you could try,” he says. “For example, in the case of erotic lactation fantasies, there are often BDSM themes that go along with it. And so maybe what's really appealing to your partner isn't necessarily the body fluid, but rather, the BDSM elements of it.
"There are other ways that you can incorporate that into your sex life that doesn't necessarily involve breast milk. Our fantasies are customizable, and you and your partner can work together to create this custom scenario that works for everyone. That [is] a good strategy where you and your partner have different types of sexual fantasies.”
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