Breaking Down the "Average of Five" Myth

"You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with."

Ever heard that one? It's a pretty catchy saying, right? But is it actually true? Let’s dive into a cool simulation I ran to see if our closest friends really shape us that much or if there's more to the story.

Are You Really Just Like Your Five Closest Friends?

People often say that you become like the five people you spend the most time with. It sounds like a simple idea, but is it really true? To find out, I created a simulation where each person is a dot in a big web—a network—and each dot has its own set of thoughts. These thoughts can change over time, depending on who they're connected to. The goal was to see if people gradually begin to think like their friends the more they interact.

To make the simulation meaningful, I imagined each person as a node with a unique set of thoughts. I represented these thoughts as a short list of numbers—a vector—where each number stood for a different area of interest or belief, such as hobbies, values, or opinions. Everyone began with their own unique combination. Initially, each person was connected to about five others, mimicking real-world close friendships. However, unlike a fixed network, this system was dynamic. People could form new friendships or drift apart from old ones over time, just like in real life. This dynamic nature added a realistic touch, making the simulation feel more authentic.

To dig deeper, I added a few more layers to reflect how social interaction works in the real world. Not every friend has the same level of influence. In the simulation, closer or more like-minded friends had more impact on a person's thoughts. Some people were also more resistant to change, holding onto their initial views even as their surroundings evolved. I also introduced unexpected external events, like a major news story or cultural trend, that could shake up everyone’s thoughts at once. Lastly, I gave each node its own personality traits—some had more influence over others, while some were more stubborn about changing their beliefs.

With the setup in place, I ran the simulation through several cycles to observe what would happen over time. I paid close attention to how similar or different people’s thoughts became, whether an overall average of ideas started to form, and how changes in the network affected the flow of influence.

The results were fascinating. As the simulation progressed, people’s thoughts did become more similar. This supported the idea that we’re influenced by our friends. But the convergence wasn’t perfect. Even after many cycles, there were still notable differences across individuals. Those who were more resistant to change held onto their original views, preventing a complete blend of opinions. This kind of stubbornness made sure the network never lost its variety and mirrored how, in real life, some people remain firm in their beliefs no matter what their peers say.

Another interesting discovery was the role of changing friendships. When people formed or lost connections, the pattern of influence shifted too. Highly connected individuals, similar to real-world influencers, had a stronger effect on the thoughts of others. In contrast, those with fewer connections retained more of their original views. This showed how your position in a social group can affect how much you’re influenced—or how much you influence others.

External events also played a huge role. Random trends or surprises shook things up and kept the network from settling into one uniform way of thinking. These shocks introduced new perspectives, ensuring that there was always something fresh entering the system. It was a reminder that no matter how strong your inner circle is, outside forces can still change your thoughts.

So, what does all this mean? While it’s true that your close friends influence you, the full picture is more complex. Your personality, your willingness to change, your role in the network, and the events happening around you all matter too. Some friends may have more impact on you than others, depending on how connected and similar they are to you. Your openness to change will shape how much you’re affected, and being in a central or isolated part of the network can influence how your ideas evolve.

In the end, the simulation made it clear that you’re not just the average of your five closest friends. They shape you, for sure, but you bring your own traits, your own story, and your own role in the network. Change is possible, and your individuality stays alive through it all. So even though your social circle is important, it doesn’t completely define who you are.

Your friends matter. They affect the way you think and act. But you still have your own personality, and that gives you room to grow in ways they might not. As your friendships change and as you face new experiences, your thoughts will change too. If you stay open to learning and evolving, you can keep growing into the person you want to be—beyond just your closest friends.