Boys Shouldn T Be So Modest

Boys Shouldn T Be So Modest
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“Why is modesty constantly directed towards women?” “What about men being modest too?”
Have you ever asked yourself or others this question? Have you ever read an article or book on modesty and wonder why one wasn’t written for men too? Several women asked me the above questions more than three or four times last week. It’s a great question/topic. I hope that when this article is read that no one will be offended and not finish reading. Just bear with me and I will try to answer not according to my own knowledge (God forbid!), but according to God and His word.
Women tend to get offended easily these days, especially when they are called out, or feel like they are being called out, or when they feel convicted or belittled. Comments on Facebook about feminism or modesty or anything that reminds women of what they were like before “equal rights for women” was around infuriate us.
When this happens, we often fire back with something that points right back to the men. Well, why do men get to do this? Why don’t the men have to do that? Why can’t the men help out at home? And so on until we can come up with retorts to controversial conversations that point back to the men in our sleep! The conversation could be about anything, anything at all, and we can still come up with an excuse or blame shifting response of why the men should or shouldn’t be doing it too.
“But shouldn’t guys be modest too?” This question derives from one such excuse/comeback.
First of all, there is no verse in the Bible that commands men to be modest in their clothing. One reason being, I think, is because women aren’t as easily stumbled as men when it comes to too much skin being revealed. Second of all, repeat the question to yourself again. “Shouldn’t guys be modest too?” The question itself screams from a prideful heart.
When we have pride stuck down in our system we don’t recognize sin that has crept into our hearts. We find it hard to let God change us or mold us because we are scared. We’re scared to say goodbye to what we want. We want our way in our terms in our time. That’s what the 21st century is all about. Me, me, me! If we could just learn to die to self, die to our egos, die to our desires, we would be able to live in the freedom that comes with living like Christ.
We can’t sit around pointing fingers at everyone except ourselves.
We need to stop, reconsider our motives and ask God for His thoughts on the subject. What does He say? What does He say about you? Most of the time after asking God for His opinion it becomes a one on one heart issue between ourselves and God. God never blames others. He shows us what the problem is then if we ask He shows us how we can resolve it.
But it takes a willingness and humility to confess. Humility is the opposite of pride. Humility is recognizing where we are in the wrong and not justifying what we believe is true. Humility is letting go of our controversial retorts and forgetting who or what made us feel wronged in the first place and simply choosing to focus on pleasing God.
The Key to Letting It Go and Zeroing in on YOU.
If we truly want to please God, we would love Him and love others. You can’t do the second without doing the first though. Loving God means to obey Him. Dig into His word; listen for His thoughts about life, about relationships, and modesty too. Then act on your convictions. As soon as we are one with God’s will for our lives, and when we are so in love with Him-nothing else will matter. Standing on our rights or what we think others should be doing will fade into the background and soon disappear.
“By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brothers and sisters.” 1 John 3:16
When we know and recognize God’s love in our lives on a personal level, we are able to pour out that love to others. Through our smiles, through our talk, our character, and through our faith we are a shining example to all who are around us. We are finally free of the bitterness that pride instills in our hearts and the barriers of “self-respect” are replaced with fruitful vines made out of our identity in Christ.
The men have their own convictions and morals. But it’s not up to girls to point their sin out to them. We are not their conscience or their god. That is their battle. We as Christian women are simply called to love God and love others. There is no gray area. If we are totally lost in God’s love and if we are busy loving others, questions like the title of this article won’t matter anymore. Glorifying God through our humbleness and meek and quiet Spirit will take the place of our old prideful habits.
You could read article upon article, book upon book, watch conference upon conference and listen to podcast upon podcast on the topic of modesty. Some women get scared off when the topic of modesty comes up, others get proud and want to push their opinion into every one’s view. But we should choose to view modesty as it is: a heart issue. It’s not about how high or low your neckline should be. Modesty of heart, modesty of character, modesty of appearance and of soul is something that every Christian man and woman should pride themselves in. I hope this has encouraged you and answered the question!
Let’s keep this conversation flowing… Leave your thoughts in the comments!
“But everyone else is wearing it, mom! I don’t want to stand out like a super weirdo,” I said through distressed tears. This was me having a small meltdown. Scratch that. A major meltdown. My mom wasn’t super excited about the shirt I was wearing and was encouraging me to…
Rhymes don’t always chime…err…a rhyme isn’t true all the time…umm…living by rhymes can result in fines? Okay, those are all lame. Allow me to just use blunt prose. Is modest truly “hottest” as the catchy expression goes? Actually, no. Not at all. I’ve always had a couple major issues with…
Dear Reader, Sometimes I feel too prideful about being modest. Sometimes I feel ashamed to be modest, other times I feel like I'm doing the right thing but I'm missing out on some kind of "fun" when I am dressing modestly. Isn't there some way that I could be cool…
Lisa Christine Zech is a 24 year old dreamer, saved and set apart by GRACE. She lives in the heart of the Rockies with her loving, and quite dashing husband, Dylan and her baby boy, Nolan. She loves cats, her puppy Bailey, writing, hiking, coffee, dancing in her pjs, singing, listening to Irish music and film scores, canoeing, rock climbing, cliff jumping and anything to do with the outdoor life as long as she has coffee and her Bible!
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Home Article The boys who lost their manhood
The youngsters have successfully completed their initiation and are now regarded as men. The campsite where the initiates stayed is burnt after the initiation is completed.
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It was day 25 and Xhobiso Pungulwa* (18) slowly pushed himself up in his bed. He asked a nurse for a plastic Ziploc bag, the transparent type used to transport laboratory specimens. He had been in hospital for two “pain-filled” weeks.
Pungulwa’s uncle and brother were to visit him for the first time the next day. He had something to show them – something that required careful storage.
He remembered a nurse trying to comfort him. She whispered: “Try not to think about what has happened to you. Just thank God you are still alive.”
But Pungulwa was “numb”. He no longer knew what to think. “Am I alive?” he recalled asking himself repeatedly, during yet another drug-induced haze. “Am I dreaming?”
The next morning, he handed the plastic bag to his brother and uncle. “When they looked into it and they saw what was inside, they were amazed – and angry. Then I knew, this situation is for real,” said Pungulwa.
The plastic encased a pitch-black, rotten chunk of flesh. “My penis.”
His uncle demanded: “Who did this to you? How is this possible?”
But Pungulwa was not in the mood to provide answers. He silently stared ahead.
The rotting of Xhobiso’s penis
About a month before, a traditional surgeon, or ingcibi, in Pondoland in the former Transkei, circumcised him. Because his parents were dead, his uncle signed the consent forms for the procedure to take place at a legal, state-registered initiation school at Flagstaff.
A 20-year-old traditional male nurse, an ikhankatha, who had only ever attended an initiation school once before – during his own initiation the previous season – nursed Pungulwa’s wound.
“He put the bandage on my penis extremely tight – so tight I could hardly pass urine,” Pungulwa recalled.
“On the fourth day the head of my penis started to turn black and I lost feeling in that area. My knees started to swell and I could hardly walk.”
According to tradition, he was forbidden from telling anyone but the ikhankatha about what was happening to him. He was only permitted to talk to the other boys in his initiation school on day eight, the day of Jisa, when initiates are allowed to leave their tents, or bomas.
The traditional nurse used a blade to make small cuts on the penis. “He said he wanted the ‘dirty blood’ to find a way out, to heal it,” said Pungulwa.
“Black blood” seeped from his penis. The nurse said it should be “squeezed” more to allow even more blood to be expelled … And so he applied a bandage “tighter and tighter”, said Pungulwa.
On day 14, Pungulwa lost consciousness. He was taken to hospital with a “rotten” penis. Of the 12 initiates at the school, five were hospitalised. One died as a result of his injuries.
A small, raw-red bump that resembles a door knob is all that remains of Pungulwa’s penis.
Doctors said urine had “eaten through his flesh” to find a way out of his body – or in medical language, created “fistulas” – before he was brought to hospital. That’s why Pungulwa urinates through two holes.
“I try to close the one hole with my finger when I go to the bathroom, otherwise things are too difficult,” he said.
When he needs to use the toilet he makes sure the door is locked, or he “goes very far away from people, in the bush”, because he’s terrified of others finding out about his condition and seeing him “sitting like a woman and not standing like a man” when relieving himself.
Pungulwa has ended his relationship with his girlfriend.
“She was never told about what happened to me,” he said softly. “I still like her a lot but I can’t let anyone know what happened to me. No one must know.”
He added: “Anyway, she won’t want me anymore. Not now.”
Horrified by what had befallen Pungulwa, his family desperately “tried to make things right”, he told the Mail & Guardian.
“They bought muti from a traditional healer. He said the muti would make my penis grow back.”
But the traditional medicine did not work.
Then Pungulwa’s family made contact with “a Nigerian guy” in Flagstaff who claimed he had the solution.
“He told them he can make my penis grow back but he needs a cow or R9 000 cash,” said Pungulwa.
Undeterred by their previous experience with the traditional healer, his family is trying to raise the money.
“None of us has a job, so it’s really hard,” said Pungulwa.
His eyes hardened and he stated harshly: “If that route through the Nigerian fails, then we will all pray very hard. We are ZCC [Zion Christian Church] followers and the ZCC will give me holy water to drink. We will get my penis back, I know it.”
“Penises don’t grow back”
Dingeman Rijken is a medical doctor at Holy Cross Hospital, near Flagstaff in the Eastern Cape.
“Many of my patients think their penises are going to grow back, despite me explaining to them that they won’t,” he said.
“I explain that if you chop off the tip of your finger it won’t grow back and it’s the same with a penis. But when they return home and talk to their families and the traditional nurses they get a different message – one that is often easier for them to believe.”
This past June-July initiation season, Rijken treated almost 130 “penis-related” injuries at Holy Cross. Eight of his patients lost either a part of or their entire penis.
“It’s natural to want to believe a ‘positive prognosis’. It’s the same when you tell a patient he or she has got a terminal illness and there is a very small chance of being cured. The patient will mostly believe he’s going to get cured.
“If you have to choose between the opinion of a doctor who says your penis won’t grow back and those of your peers saying ‘don’t worry, it will return’, I can understand why you would choose the more positive one.”
Acceptance of the situation, Rijken said, usually only arrives later, when penises fail to grow back after a significant period of time.
He added: “We rarely remove a ‘dead’ penis surgically. It’s only when an initiate fully understands that his penis is partially dead that he can accept active separation of the organ.
“It is very difficult to get them to understand this, which is why it is easier and safer to wait for auto-amputation [allowing the penis to fall off naturally], which can take anything between one and six weeks.”
Inexperience can be fatal
According to government statistics, 26 of the Eastern Cape’s 39 initiation-related deaths this year happened in Pondoland, a mountainous 50km-wide coastal strip that stretches between the Mthatha and Mtamvuna rivers in the former Transkei. It is the traditional home of the Pondo people, the Amapondo.
Pondo king Faku abolished the ritual in the 1820s during the war with the Zulus, because he believed it weakened his young warriors. But initiation schools began re-emerging when the apartheid overlords formed the Transkei Bantustan in 1976 and homeland authorities began encouraging circumcision to boost masculinity, according to academic research.
Doctors and traditional healers in the region said circumcision was widespread again in the 1990s and is now practised in Pondoland on an “unprecedented” scale – even though current Pondo king Zanozuko Sigcau has never officially reinstated the practice.
“It’s a dilemma,” Rijken said. “What used to be a beautiful and valuable cultural tradition is now accompanied by many unnecessary complications and deaths. That’s because the tradition has been hijacked by the youth – it’s become a ritual for the youth by the youth.
“The bomas are very rarely run or supervised by older, more experienced and responsible men, because few older people have actually undergone the ritual themselves.”
In other parts of the Eastern Cape, said Rijken, there are men who have been operating initiation bomas for years and who have trained other men in “responsible, effective” circumcision methods.
“But in Pondoland I’ve come across many amakhankatha of 20 years of age, who have responsibility for a school of 25 initiates. But they don’t know what they are doing. They do not fully understand the magnitude of their responsibility, let alone the consequences of their actions.”
An analysis by Rijken and Patrick Dakwa, a former traditional nurse and now an amakhankatha trainer in Pondoland, shows that 175 initiates were admitted to public hospitals in the Alfred Nzo and Oliver Tambo health districts in the area this past season; 25 lost a part of or all of their penises.
Ayanda loses his penis
Ayanda Bityi* (24) was rescued from a legally registered initiation school in Bukazi near Lusikisiki 11 days after an ingcibi (traditional surgeon) removed his foreskin with a spear. There were 15 initiates, or abakwetha, and the same unsterilised spear was used on all of them. Eight of the initiates were hospitalised; four lost the heads of their penises and one, Bityi, lost his entire organ.
He recalled: “When I woke up in hospital one morning I felt something beneath my left thigh. When I checked what it was, it was the head and shaft of my penis that had separated from my body the previous night.”
Three days after Bityi was circumcised, the 21-year-old traditional nurse in charge of the school accused him of “being weak and walking too slowly.” As “punishment”, the ikhankatha applied a bandage “extremely tightly” around the base of Bityi’s penis.
“After this I tried to escape but some men captured me along the road and they forced me back to the boma. There I was assaulted by the traditional nurse, who was clearly drunk. I lost consciousness. When I woke up, I was in hospital,” said Bityi.
Dakwa said initiates who experience penile infections are often held responsible for their conditions, “because they’re seen as weak and as cowards; the infections are regarded as a sign of their weakness and not as anything the nurse might have done wrong. Many times they are punished by making a penile bandage extra tight.”
Rijken and Dakwa conducted in-depth interviews with 21 of the 25 “amputees” they visited; nine of them reported tightening of their bandages as punishment for “weakness”.
Rijken explained: “If you make a penile bandage too tight blood vessels are cut off and the penile tissue is not supplied with oxygen. Tissue deprived of oxygen is more vulnerable to infections but can also die if the bandage is tight enough and kept on for long enough.
“Combined with practices such as bandages that are often used on different initiates, and leaves that are rubbed against the sole of a foot before application t
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