Boyfriend Dick

Boyfriend Dick

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Dicks , Relationships
Amanda Mull
March 9, 2017

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A boyfriend dick is a penis you could settle down with — or at least see three times a week. It’s a dick you could metaphorically take home to meet your parents.
When a woman starts sleeping with a new dude, there’s a customary round of questions most of us field from our friends: What does he do? How’d you meet him? Do you actually like him?
There’s only one that’s actually any fun to talk about, though, and that’s what the sex is like.
A few months ago, I had a round of these conversations with the usual suspects in my life. Trying to describe a sexual appendage you’ve only seen a couple times is difficult — you were probably at least a little drunk, the lights were low, and if things went well, the penis in question spent most of its time hidden in various places that prevented it from being visually observed.
A boyfriend dick isn’t a measurement, per se, but a range. Think of it as a dick Overton window: a continuum of acceptability, but in this case, one that varies from person to person. Boyfriend dicks have a measurable component, of course, but not a consistent one. Vaginas vary in depth and sensitivity just like penises vary in length and shape, and where some women may enjoy the mix of pleasure and pain she gets when someone hung repeatedly bashes into her cervix, others want nothing to do with it. For the first group of women, a 10-inch monster looks like a Christmas gift wrapped up in a pair of boxer-briefs. For the second, it’s a bad time that the dick’s owner will nonetheless feel very proud providing, as though he was put on this planet to bless people with his genetic gift.
“Small dicks aren’t a problem for me,” Elisa, 29, told me. “I’m more worried on the larger side of things, and I’ve said that to a couple guys and they’re always like, ‘Well, shouldn’t you be turned on by that?’” But for other women, like Sandra, 34, the top end of the cock-size window is purely theoretical: “I’ve never met one I didn’t like.” (For penises whose size extends beyond a partner’s preferred everyday range, the attendant terminology might be “stunt dick,” or as one Urban Dictionary contributor termed it , “vacation dick.”)
What really makes a boyfriend dick is a holistic evaluation of the situation at hand. There’s a Goldilocks element to it: It needs to be big enough to hit all the right physical spots, but not so big you can’t see yourself dealing with it on a consistent basis for years. It’s reliable in a way that works for you, which maybe means it stays hard while its owner goes down on you, or it matches your preference of mornings instead of evenings .
But as much as American sexual norms have evolved over the past several decades, one stubborn idea remains relatively unchanged: When it comes to dicks, bigger is better. The accepted wisdom states that average penises are fine but big penises are greatly preferable. And small ones — well, women hate them, and gay men hate them even more. This belief presupposes almost no variation in preference or anatomy, which makes it easy to pick out as false by a person of any gender who’s ever had a dick inside them. Size matters, but not in the way men are taught it matters. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, even (and maybe especially) when it comes to genitalia.
When I asked Chris, 34 — a man I’ve slept with a few times and who I can confirm has a Certifiable Boyfriend Dick (for me, that’s somewhere around seven inches, I think) — whether he has ever had size anxiety with a new partner, he said, “Especially at a young age, it’s pretty much the source of your biggest fears.” And that hasn’t changed as much as you’d think as he’s gotten older. “I’m not generally insecure about my penis, but I’m also realistic. No guy would turn down a bigger dick, unless it’s already massive.” My friend Jeremy, 32, said that although he knows he’s statistically above average (between five and six inches in the U.S., depending on your source), “I assume [women] always want bigger.” And to think, these are the men who should be at peace with their appendages, relative to most of the penis-having population!
That’s where boyfriend dicks — and women’s actual desires — come in. Every woman I spoke with agreed with the central thesis: Women have a more nuanced appreciation for their sex partners’ bodies than those partners have for themselves. Part of this is surely because of the narrow confines of traditional masculine ideals, but Elisa acknowledged that women play into it too. “I think part of the reason this [idea] persists is because maybe women like to keep this card in their hand,” she said. “There’s so much men can say to women to make us feel bad, but what are you going to say to a dude? Your dick is bad .”
For men who read this and are still unsatisfied with their anatomy, I’ll let you in on another little secret. All of the women I spoke with, even the ones who self-identified as size queens, seemed at least a little baffled by how so many men prioritize their dicks as a way to satisfy women. At one point in our conversation, Elisa stopped, looked at me and said, “You know, it’s never about their dicks.” And she’s right — sex is an experience that goes way beyond a single body part, or at least it does if it’s good. Sandra put it best: “Being a decent person makes your dick better.”

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Wait, maybe Harry from 'Too Hot to Handle' was onto something...?
Netflix’s new dating show, Too Hot to Handle premiered this past Friday, and let’s just say I already have some thoughts . For one, I think Harry Jowsey is only semi-attractive because he’s 6’5” . (Stand by this). And secondly, I’m personally offended these 10 contestants would drop $3,000 just to kiss each other. Keep in mind they’re locking lips with Instagram wannabees, not the Hemsworth bros .
But! The! Jargon! The show has introduced heaps of British and Australian slang that my American ass can’t wait to use, like: “Oh, he’s fit” (meaning he’s v hot, but doesn’t necessarily have to enjoy picking up weights) and “Shit me dacks” (which is just a funny way to say “poop your pants.”)
My fave, fave, fave , vocabulary that came from the show, though, is when Harry introduced the world to what might be the new Big Dick Energy cultural phenomenon we've all been waiting for: Boyfriend Dick.
He dubbed the term "Boyfriend Dick" when explaining his own peen. “It’s not too big, it’s not too small. Just perfect. Looks pretty.” And boy, oh boy, did he start a revolution (...and apparently also a T-shirt line, which we are in no way affiliated with).
From my calculations and research as a v knowledgeable sex and relationships editor (lol), I can… kind of see where he’s coming from? A boyfriend dick is not a cucumber, it’s not a banana, it’s not a hammer—and it's certainly not Jon Hamm-esque. It’s, like, what I’d imagine to be hiding under Timotheé Chalamet’s jeans, I think? (I say in the most non-pervy way possible).
But having an actual penis is not a pre-requisite to Boyfriend Dick (just like Ariana Grande can have BDE without actually having a peen). The spirit can live in objects that don't even have body parts (let alone a dick!) or a heartbeat.
Boyfriend Dick Vibes do not discriminate based on weight, height, gender, race, or whether it's a remote-control operated object. It’s just maintainable, useful, not too too pleasurable, but gets the job done, y’know? It’s easy. Simple. But still satisfying.
This got me thinking about all the inanimate objects, celebs, and random household objects that maybe, just maybe have Boyfriend Dick Vibes. And yes, even though literally no one asked for this, I decided to craft a list for your viewing pleasure of those things that I believe to possess Boyfriend Dick Vibes, with literally no commentary at all:

My gf told me that i have what's called a "boyfriend dick"
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So me and my gf were laying in bed and talking about sex. She brought up penis size which is something I don't usually like to bring up because I think nothing good can come of it. Well, she asked me what I thought of my size and I said I think its a good size. So I asked her what she thought of it and she said I have a boyfriend dick. I was confused when I heard this and asked what she meant. She said that it's the perfect size for a long term relationship but for a one night stand or a casual fwb it would be a bit lacking. I was taken back by this comment and left the room. When I came back I told her the comment bothered me and she assured me that she was satisfied and that my penis is fine. She said bigger dicks need time to recover from and require too much prep. This didn't help at all. It's been a week since the comment but I can't seem to shake it.
Edit: some people are confused with the recover time and prep thing. What she means is that a huge penis can leave her sore so she needs to recover from it. Prep time is basically lube and foreplay because its bigger so its harder to fit. She said it's a good feeling for just a night or two but not consistently.
Conversations about dicks hardly ever come out good.
yeah that's a good point. I always envision people on reddit as full grown adults but this could very well be a 17 year old and that makes a hell of a lot more sense
Definitely one of those things you don’t say out loud but I see what she was trying to get across. It’s just not something worth getting across. She could have left it at, I will be happy with your dick forever.
From, an extremely petite person casually dating someone with a huge dick. I hate it lol.
Anals a terrifying thought with him. Rough sex (my preference) is painful. And I can’t have sex quite as often as I’d like.
She meant well but very stupid of her to say it like that.
Edit: to be clear, I’ve had my cervix bruised a few times by a “boyfriend dick” and no it’s not something I’m eager to relive.
I don’t have a dick and that hurt my feelings
I’m not the OP and reading this made me insecure.
I am a dick, and it hurt my feelings too.
Same here, I'm a woman and that stung...
Which bit? The part where you were emasculated or the bit where she tells you how experienced she is with prepping large dicks?

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This is an email from MEL Magazine .
When a woman starts sleeping with a new dude, there’s a customary round of questions most of us field from our friends: What does he do? How’d you meet him? Do you actually like him?
There’s only one that’s actually any fun to talk about, though, and that’s what the sex is like.
A few months ago, I had a round of these conversations with the usual suspects in my life. Trying to describe a sexual appendage you’ve only seen a couple times is difficult — you were probably at least a little drunk, the lights were low, and if things went well, the penis in question spent most of its time hidden in various places that prevented it from being visually observed.
While struggling to explain the details to a friend — “Big, but I’m not sure exactly how big; not huge, but I was happy when I saw it…” — I finally arrived on a phrase that felt right. This guy had a “boyfriend dick.” Though neither of us had heard the term before, my friend immediately knew what I meant: “Mmm. That’s the best,” she replied. For those who don’t immediately identify, a boyfriend dick is, more or less, a penis you could settle down with, or at least see three times a week; It’s a dick you could metaphorically take home to meet your parents. Basically (and fortunately), every dick can be a boyfriend dick to someone.
A boyfriend dick isn’t a measurement, per se, but a range. Think of it as a dick Overton window: a continuum of acceptability, but in this case, one that varies from person to person. Boyfriend dicks have a measurable component, of course, but not a consistent one. Vaginas vary in depth and sensitivity just like penises vary in length and shape, and where some women may enjoy the mix of pleasure and pain she gets when someone hung repeatedly bashes into her cervix, others want nothing to do with it. For the first group of women, a 10-inch monster looks like a Christmas gift wrapped up in a pair of boxer-briefs. For the second, it’s a bad time that the dick’s owner will nonetheless feel very proud providing, as though he was put on this planet to bless people with his genetic gift.
“Small dicks aren’t a problem for me,” Elisa, 29, told me. “I’m more worried on the larger side of things, and I’ve said that to a couple guys and they’re always like, ‘Well, shouldn’t you be turned on by that?’” But for other women, like Sandra, 34, the top end of the cock-size window is purely theoretical: “I’ve never met one I didn’t like.” (For penises whose size extends beyond a partner’s preferred everyday range, the attendant terminology might be “stunt dick,” or as one Urban Dictionary contributor termed it , “vacation dick.”)
What really makes a boyfriend dick is a holistic evaluation of the situation at hand. There’s a Goldilocks element to it: It needs to be big enough to hit all the right physical spots, but not so big you can’t see yourself dealing with it on a consistent basis for years. It’s reliable in a way that works for you, which maybe means it stays hard while its owner goes down on you, or it matches your preference of mornings instead of evenings .
But as much as American sexual norms have evolved over the past several decades, one stubborn idea remains relatively unchanged: When it comes to dicks, bigger is better. The accepted wisdom states that average penises are fine but big penises are greatly preferable. And small ones — well, women hate them, and gay men hate them even more. This belief presupposes almost no variation in preference or anatomy, which makes it easy to pick out as false by a person of any gender who’s ever had a dick inside them. Size matters, but not in the way men are taught it matters. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, even (and maybe especially) when it comes to genitalia.
When I asked Chris, 34 — a man I’ve slept with a few times and who I can confirm has a Certifiable Boyfriend Dick (for me, that’s somewhere around seven inches, I think) — whether he has ever had size anxiety with a new partner, he said, “Especially at a young age, it’s pretty much the source of your biggest fears.” And that hasn’t changed as much as you’d think as he’s gotten older. “I’m not generally insecure about my penis, but I’m also realistic. No guy would turn down a bigger dick, unless it’s already massive.” My friend Jeremy, 32, said that although he knows he’s statistically above average (between five and six inches in the U.S., depending on your source), “I assume [women] always want bigger.” And to think, these are the men who should be at peace with their appendages, relative to most of the penis-having population!
That’s where boyfriend dicks — and women’s actual desires — come in. Every woman I spoke with agreed with the central thesis: Women have a more nuanced appreciation for their sex partners’ bodies than those partners have for themselves. Part of this is surely because of the narrow confines of traditional masculine ideals, but Elisa acknowledged that women play into it too. “I think part of the reason this [idea] persists is because maybe women like to keep this card in their hand,” she said. “There’s so much men can say to women to make us feel bad, but what are you going to say to a dude? Your dick is bad .”
For men who read this and are still unsatisfied with their anatomy, I’ll let you in on another little secret. All of the women I spoke with, even the ones who self-identified as size queens, seemed at least a little baffled by how so many men prioritize their dicks as a way to satisfy women. At one point in our conversation, Elisa stopped, looked at me and said, “You know, it’s never about their dicks.” And she’s right — sex is an experience that goes way beyond a single body part, or at least it does if it’s good. Sandra put it best: “Being a decent person makes your dick better.”
Amanda Mull writes about fashion, sports, sex and whatever else she can get paid for. She lives in Brooklyn, just like most of the people who do that.
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