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In intimate detail, one woman describes the first time she *almost* had sex during her freshman year at NYU.
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and I knew that I wasn't ready to have one-night stand,
but I was also really horny all the time
and honestly, I would've slept with anyone
My sober self knew that I wasn't ready,
I wore a decidedly puritanical outfit
Like, just the like the ugliest bra you could think of.
We go to the party and I get drunk.
There was like, beer pong and people were shotgunning
and mixing all sorts of flavored vodkas.
I sort of loved it and hated it at the same time.
And I see this guy who's wearing a frat shirt,
and I was like, You, you're perfect.
I don't think we exchanged any words.
And at one point, he was like, Wait, pause,
on my friend Shula's dorm room wall.
to go back to his dorm room and hook up.
I do remember sort of panicking on the way there,
knowing that his expectations and mine were different
He took off my shirt, and the first thing he said
At this point I'm sobering up a little bit,
and I think, Am I gonna go through with this?
But I wanted to be polite, I didn't wanna offend him.
So I was just going with the strategy of distracting him.
So I was like, What kind of books do you like?
And he was like, I don't really read,
and kept pulling at my skirt, trying to get it off.
And I was like, Okay, but if you had to pick
just one book that you've read that you really liked.
And he was like, Okay, who's the guy
and certified academic asshole, was aghast.
and he kept kissing my neck and just littering my body
with all these horrible teenage-y hickeys,
And so I just went with the first thing
that popped in my head, I'm on my period,
It was like, Can you at least do anything?
And my closing line was, Not if you like Michael Crichton.
As I'm walking home, I have my shoes in my hand
and don't feel bad about offending a bro at a party
because you don't owe them anything.
Learn how to say no in whatever way you know how.
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I Lost My Virginity to a Straight Boy
There’s a way to burst through the shame gay men are made to feel about homosexuality.
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I was 19 when I first had full-on sex with another man. I was at college, living in dorms, and the experience—aside from the usual horrifying awkwardness and somewhat spontaneity of the occasion—was completely and utterly unremarkable aside from one thing: the guy I slept with identified as straight.
The whole thing went down near the end of my freshman year at a party, at which people from the whole dorm floor were drunk and celebrating, carelessly streaming in and out of each other’s rooms, following the various different pop songs until one room took their fancy. I can remember, although I'd had some drinks, sitting alone in my friend’s room on a single bed, the mattress overly springy and with a coarse plastic coating, attempting to stream a song over our dorm’s spotty Internet connection.
It was late (or early, depending on your outlook on the world) when I was joined by the boy who was living in the room next to mine, way back on the other side of the building. He was clearly intoxicated, but it was a party after all and who was I, quite drunk myself, to judge. The minutiae of exactly how things developed from us being together in that room to us having slightly unsuccessful sex in a bathroom in a different corridor have since escaped me. All I know is that one moment we were talking and the next minute, well... we weren’t. I didn’t tell him that I’d never had sex with someone before; instead, saturated with vodka and inflated by nerves, I was swept up in the motions.
Before that night, I had hardly been a nun. When I was a teenager, I was precocious and restless. As the only out young gay kid at my school, I took the advancement of my sexual experiences into my own hands and I did what we all do: I bought a fake ID and hit the gay clubs. Out on the scene I had thrilling and, now looking back, precarious hook ups with guys, going far but never all the way. I know now as LGBTQ people we can define exactly what constitutes sex for ourselves, but when you’re young and your only sex education comes in the shape of illegally downloaded Sean Cody videos, penetration seems like the end all be all.
Still, as I grew into my late-teens, venues started to crack down harder on underage drinking, and it soon became increasingly difficult to go and hook up with guys much older than myself. I felt, in my increasingly anxious and deflated state, that I was being left behind. My first year at college, apart from being grueling mentally, was hardly a sexual smorgasbord of one-night-stands and hook-ups. Instead, I reverted to my teenage years, pining after straight boys who I knew I had no chance in hell with... until that night.
I’d love to say that I felt empowered by fucking my first guy, but the whole experience left a lot to be desired. While I knew it wouldn’t be like a gay college erotica I’d read on Nifty.org (gay canon, really), I rather naively wasn’t expecting the fall out. The boy told his then-girlfriend (who I knew about), saying I had come on to him but that nothing had really happened. Although one thing I can vividly remember was that it was quite literally the other way around, the visceral shock of being somewhat shoved back in the closet and denied the celebratory expungement of my virginity was palpable.
For the next year, we’d hook-up on and off, usually at 3 a.m. after we’d been out partying. We’d meet surreptitiously in dark and make out in the cold British weather on a park bench before venturing back to his place to have sex. And while at the beginning I felt like I had the upper hand in the situation—I was the one who was out and comfortable in my sexuality, right?—after each time we met became more secretive and more dirty, I began to feel secretive, dirty, and most of all shameful . I’m not sure whether I really fell for the guy or not, but I do know that at the end of it he was just using me to get off.
I never learned whether the boy I lost my virginity to was struggling with his sexuality. I think, when I look back now and occasionally find myself tumbling through his Facebook page, that he wasn’t. I believe it was just sex, or at least that’s what I have tell myself now to avoid slipping into a memory induced k-hole. I realize I fell into that old gay adage of placing my feelings on a person who, for whatever reason, was never going to invest them back in me. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memories of those first times marred how I would approach sex for years.
It was listening to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify,” and seeing the band’s out gay singer Olly Alexander talk about how the song was inspired his sexual trysts with straight men, that I realized that these feelings are way more common than people let on. Sure, I know all about gay guys having sex with straight guys, but it felt reassuring to see him describe the “saint and sinner role” he embodied during those experiences, and to hear the uncertainty and melancholy weaved into the song.
More than anything though, was the repeated lyrical mantra of “I won’t be ashamed.” Because as queer people, we’re buried in lifetime’s worth of shame so vivid and searing that oftentimes it’s crippling. Bursting through that shame is our badge of honor, our beautifully united experience. And maybe, like the song says, that does sanctify our sex lives and makes us just a little bit holy.
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HIT series Sex Education is back with a bang – and a lot more besides – in what is already Netflix’s most X-rated show.
And in a warning to young fans excitedly awaiting series two — cheekily billed “the second coming” — its star Gillian Anderson says: “Don’t watch it with your parents.”
The first episode of the new season, shown at the world premiere in London on Wednesday, features FIFTEEN scenes of solo sex acts in the opening three minutes.
Mother-of-three Gillian, 51 , said: “I have a 25-year-old daughter and I have never watched it with her, although she has watched it herself.
“We talk about the sex bits. But that’s a lot different than sitting next to your child and watching it together.
“I am not sure any parents would want to watch this with their teenagers in the same room.
“People say they sit and watch it at the same time but in separate rooms.”
The first series was a global hit, having been watched by 40million people in the first four weeks.
It saw former X-Files star Gillian as sex therapist Dr Jean Milburn, mother to main character Otis, played by rising British star Asa Butterfield, 22 .
Otis uses his mum’s expertise to start his own lucrative sex clinic at school, helping a band of hapless teens going through puberty.
Filmed across Wales in Newport, Cardiff and the Wye Valley, the series mixes English and US culture, which helps explain its wide appeal.
Money is in sterling and the actors have British accents, but they play American football and attend an American-type school.
Gillian said of the decision: “The rules are shifting all the time in terms of how an audience receives shows, what they’re willing to accept and what worlds they’re willing to step into.
“I think Netflix feels quite strongly that they’ve hit on something with this amalgamation.”
Although mainly focused on the trials of teen sex, Gillian strips off for a racy scene of her own in the second series opener, romping with on-screen lover Jakob.
BRIT star Asa’s sexually frustrated character Otis pleasures himself 15 times in the first 180 seconds of the season opener – despite being in a number of public places.

The frenzy, which was filmed over six days, is sparked by him finally learning how to become aroused.
But a side effect means he is now turned on by almost anything, including a slice of Brie and wearing corduroy trousers.
Asa, who played the lead role of little boy Bruno in 2008 film The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas, says: “The w***ing montage will follow me around for the rest of my career.
“When I first read it and when they first pitched it to me they said it was going to be a lot of fun. And it was.”
The actor also reveals the cast had to watch animals having sex as part of their homework for the second series.
The idea came from the show’s “intimacy co-ordinator” Ita O’Brien, who believed it would help make sex a less taboo subject.
Asa explains: “We were given a document the night before which was just animals having sex. We all had to read it. It was like homework.
“Then before filming we had a workshop where we wore loose trousers and watched snails having sex for eight hours.”
The role has rocketed child star Asa to grown-up stardom. And while he admits the part was initially a risk, it has certainly paid off.
He says: “When I first signed up, I knew it would be risky, that the scripts were treading new ground.
“I guess I hoped the show would be talked about a bit. But I didn’t expect it to connect so overwhelmingly. It hit at the right time.”
Despite finding it “hellish”, she says she was keen to be a part of the series as it makes her feel young again.
She added: “The show is actually gentle and compassionate. There are a lot of very emotional topics, a lot of difficult topics that are addressed, aside from the sex.
“Abortion, STIs , it looks at the responsibility of the choices youngsters make when they start having sex.
“I would say what draws people in is that everyone is accepted.
“Whoever you are, whatever you look like, whatever your beliefs are, you are not by yourself.
“There is an energy about this show that makes people watching it feel they are OK, however they are.
“That is miraculous. It almost feels like we are carving out another realm of it entirely because the show has taken things into such a different world.
“It feels like it is almost making its own path for that generation.
“I feel a bit more part of the young generation. Plus this role has racked up the most laughs for me.
"When I first read the script I found it really funny.
“And I haven’t had the chance to do much comedy in my career so far.”
The first series finale saw a sexually frustrated Otis finally manage to achieve his goal of pleasuring himself — in front of a crowd of school friends.
EMMA MACKEY, who plays Maeve, says the show has made her more confident talking about sex – and thinks it helps other youngsters do the same.

She says: “Just because we’ve done a show about sex doesn’t suddenly make us sex experts.
But I love it when mums come up to me in the street and say, ‘Thank you for helping me talk about sex to my kids’. I wish this show existed when I was at school. This is why it works so well.”
In the series, Maeve navigates a difficult relationship with her addict mum, played by Anne-Marie Duff, 49.
She says: “Anne-Marie is an actual living legend. All I do is react off her, that’s all I had to do. I soaked it all up.”
But with his new girlfriend Ola unaware of his unrequited love for bad girl Maeve, played by Emma Mackey, 24 , fans were left desperate to find out what happens next.
Series two kicks off where the first ended, with Otis seen constantly enjoying solo sex.
Then as an outbreak of chlamydia sweeps the school, his mum is called in to help educate the kids.
As embarrassing as that is for Otis, his new love interest turns out to be the daughter of his mother’s lover, leading to more awkward questions around the dinner table.
The second series becomes available next Friday and writer Laurie Nunn is already bursting with ideas for a longer run.
She reveals: “There are so many things we could try. I maybe won’t take the characters to university.
“I feel like that’s when it gets really wrong because you end with up 40-year-old actors in this role. But we still have loads more to cover.”

SHOW creator Laurie Nunn, who was born in London but raised in Australia, decided on an ambiguous setting in terms of location as she wanted people to focus more on the characters and less on their surroundings.

She explains: “My writing and the hook of the show have got a heightened element to them and they needed an elevated world to match that premise.
“I like to think about it as teenagers in their own utopia.” American actress Gillian adds: “The aim and the hope is that Americans will not notice.
“For instance, the Brits may notice they are throwing American footballs, whereas the Americans won’t notice that that might be strange for people speaking with British accents.”
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