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LGBTQ
Queer
top
Bottom
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Insider Sex Ed

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If you've scrolled through Grindr, Tinder, or even queer sections of TikTok recently, you'll have seen "top," "bottom," or "verse" in a bio or two.
The popular terms describe sexual preferences in the queer community.
While the terms were originally used to describe the sexual preferences of queer men in the 1970s, more LGBTQ+ people have adopted the terms to talk about what they like in sex.
Top/bottom/verse discourse has grown more visible lately on TikTok, where queer people have been making videos describing the unique struggles of each preference.
It's important to note that each of these categories means something a little different to each person, so no one definition is perfect. Here is a general idea of what it means to be a top, bottom, or verse.
Tops generally prefer to take a more active role in sex by acting as the person who penetrates, gives oral sex, or does other sexual acts. For people with penises, this can mean wanting to be the person penetrating rather than receiving. For people with vaginas , it can mean preferring to give oral sex rather than receive, according to queer publication Autostraddle.
Because queer sex can look many different ways, being a top doesn't necessarily refer to the specifics of how sex is had. Instead, it refers to a power dynamic in which one person is in control and the other person takes the lead.
Within the category of "top," there are subsections that may refer to the specifics of how people like to have sex.
A "stone top" refers to someone who only likes to "give" during sex and not receive. This can mean penetration, oral sex, or other acts and comes from the term "stone butch" which was a common masculine gender expression in lesbian spaces in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s, and is still used today by some people within the community.
"Touch me nots" fall within "stone tops" as they refer to queer people, often transmasculine people or lesbians, who do not like to be touched during sex under any circumstances and instead only like to give.
Bottoms typically like to receive during sex, whether that means oral sex, being penetrated during sex, or other sexual acts. However, like with tops, the specifics of the sex aren't as important as the power dynamic.
Generally, bottoms are people who relinquish control during sex and follow the lead of the person topping them. But that doesn't mean bottoms can't be assertive and active during sex.
"Power bottoms" refer to bottoms who direct their tops exactly how to please them during sex and are very vocal when they are doing it wrong. "Bratty bottoms" are similarly vocal and generally tease the person topping them in a demeaning and playful way.
While some bottoms may be open to topping every so often, there are categories of bottoms who never like to be the person penetrating or giving oral sex. Like stone tops, "stone bottoms" are firm about their boundaries on touching their partners and not like to be the person penetrating or giving oral sex.
Sometimes referred to as "pillow princesses," stone bottoms face the brunt of the jokes in TikTok videos like this one directed at people for specific sexual preferences within the queer community.
People often insinuate stone bottoms are "less gay" or "pretending to be gay" in TikTok videos if they are firm about not wanting to perform sexual acts like oral and penetration on their partners. This kind of harassment in TikTok videos like these is called "bottom shaming."
Verses or switches are what they sound like – people who like to top and bottom interchangeably during sex.
Verse folks are generally less concerned with labeling themselves and their sexual dynamic and more focused on keeping their sexual interactions fluid, though some verses do lean towards the top or bottom side of the spectrum.
According to a 2018 survey by Autostraddle, switches make up over 50% of queer people who answered their call out.
It's crucial to note that while these labels exist, all sexual dynamics between people look different. No two bottoms, switches, or tops are going to look the same and have the same sexual dynamic with their partner.
But all forms of attraction and sexual position preference are equally valid.

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There are things in this world that you can never understand until you’ve had a penis inside of your anus. Lucky for us gay/bi men, there are quite a number of us who know exactly how that feels. Here are 15 things only bottoms understand. (And if you wanna know the struggle tops go through, head over here. )
Let’s start with the best part of anal play: prostate stimulation . The attempt to describe the sensation is utterly useless. The feeling is truly ineffable. It’s heavenly. Euphoric. Unlike any other bodily sensation we’ve ever experienced. Thank the gods for gently tucking that almond-size gland 3 inches inside of our behinds.
Bottoms are a dime a dozen. It seems like every gay guy out there is a bottom, and when you think you’ve met someone who’s definitely a top…nope. He too is a bottom. Just a very masculine bottom.
It’s quite the feeling, being unable to walk straight after being pounded. Your gait is off as you awkwardly limp more to one side.
Not all of us do it, but the ones who do know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s an interesting experience, to say the least.
YASSSS. When the man you love finishes inside you, there is nothing better in this world.
We each have our own method that we swear by: the soapy finger, a douche, Imodium, etc. But no matter how we clean, it’s always a process. And if you’re like me, 25 minutes after you clean, you always have to poop, and it’s a pain in the freakin’ ass. (Not the good kind.)
It’s such a quick transition, the pain to pleasure switch. Where it goes from you being too tight and it hurting, to you being just right and his penis feeling amazing.
It feels amazing when he finishes while he’s inside you, but it’s also incredible when you finish while he’s inside you. Your ejacuations feel stronger and more intense when you finish with someone inside of you.
Yeah, not something that tops really have to worry about. Bottoms, on the other hand, we get them quite often. Here are some tips to help you get rid of those pesky anal fissures if you’re having trouble.
Even after you clean extensively, you know that having a guy poke around down there might stir things up. And if we get too into our heads, we can’t enjoy the sex because we’re too concerned about our own cleanliness.
Your date suggests an Indian restaurant that he claims you will love. NOPE. Definitely not doing that. Thai? Absolutely not. Tops don’t have to worry about what they’re having for dinner on a date. Bottoms on the other hand? Yes, we need to plan accordingly.
The struggle is real. I’m of the belief that you can skip leg day if you really worked your glutes and quads during sex.
I know, I know. It’s not the end of the world. You can also have him go a second time, but sometimes, when you really want to get pounded for awhile and he orgasms very quickly, it can be a bit of a downer.
A switch goes off in your mind, and you turn from an unassuming, suit-wearing businessman, to a sexy AF pornstar. You start riding him like the beast you are.
All of those post-coital hormones flowing in your brain ( i.e. dopamine and oxytocin ). All of the hormones that make you feel SO. DAMN. GOOD.

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Tips on increasing your sexual health and pleasure.
While this is advice for those who identify as “bottoms,” anyone who has anal sex should have an understanding of the process involved in successful bottoming. It will help you be a better “top” and positively affect overall sexual experiences.
The act of bottoming is a true art, and whether it’s your first attempt or you’ve been experimenting with it for quite some time, analyzing your readiness and the proper techniques not only allow you to reach heightened sexual pleasure, but also enable safe and enduring practices.
If you’ve never tried bottoming, but you’re curious, let’s just address straight away that it won’t always just happen right then and there. Successful and pleasurable bottoming takes time and practice through dilation exercises, training of your self-awareness, and control of the pelvic floor.
The good news? Bottoming shouldn’t hurt. Of course, it may be uncomfortable at first and you might initially question how there could ever be pleasure in it — something that happens with vaginal sex the first time as well — but like anything it takes practice, patience, and following a few simple guidelines to enhance this sexual practice. I often tell patients that great bottoms have been doing it for quite some time, with many first experiencing it in their youth. Unfortunately, no one showed us the right way to bottom in our high school sexual education class. Still, it’s never too late to learn, and we all enjoy new and positive sexual experiences. Here’s my 101 guide to bottoming:
Begin with dilation: Get yourself an anal trainer kit and start training for dilation two to three times a week (for as little as five minutes each time). Use a water-based lubricant and start with the smallest plug. Insert just to the point of pressure. Hold it there for a few seconds, then try to engage the muscles. Allow yourself to relax before removing the plug, then re-lubricate and re-insert to the point of pressure. Repeating this process will prove successful over time, so don’t get discouraged if the first time you only get a small portion of the tip in. Repeat the process three to five times. The key is to remember there are three sets of muscles that need to relax for a successful entry. Think of it as a tunnel, and the entire tunnel needs to be a well-lubed cylinder. We don’t advise inserting the entire length of the plug and leaving it in on the first try, because removal may be difficult, which could cause tearing. If after four to five sessions you can insert that size without any issues, you’re ready to graduate to the next size. Don’t forget to enjoy it. If you become stimulated during the process, go for it! Not only is it a pleasurable side effect to your dilation training, but you can start to channel your orgasm anally and begin to gain control over time.
Ready for the real thing: When you’ve successfully mastered a medium-size plug, you’re ready to graduate to the real thing. Congratulations! It’s always best to start off with you in total control and a partner you trust to be patient in letting you decide the level you’re comfortable with. Some people use dilators first, either with or without a sexual partner, to “warm up” and remind themselves of the practiced techniques. Once the engines have been started, the bottom needs to sit on the tip of the penis, allowing control of entry. Use plenty of lubricant and remember the different sets of muscles that need to be released to allow access. Start off using the same technique of inserting until you feel pressure, hold it there, pull out, re-lubricate and repeat. The three-to-five-time rule applies here as well. Being on top of the penis really allows for you to determine your level of comfort. If pain occurs, you can stop, call it a day, and try again another time. It’s not worth causing pain or a potential injury.
Graduating to new positions: Once you have fully received the penis, the last hurdle is to add new positions into the mix, like doggy-style. Now, be sure to take this easy to begin with — it’s an intense position and tops can get a little eager. Make sure you have mastered receiving to minimize any injury and maximize pleasure. Start with you receiving on top and gaining control of your muscles before moving around to new positons.
Injury happens to the best of us: Proper techniques are obviously a must, but even brand-new cars can break down. The most common issues related to anal sex trauma are tears, also known as anal fissures. If this happens, take a break but don’t get discouraged. Most anal fissures will heal themselves with proper care, but fissures that become chronic will require surgical intervention. If an injury happens, it’s best to analyze why it did so you can plan to avoid reoccurrence in the future.
Be honest with your body: Small, petite frames and pelvises just may not be able to accept those of the more well-endowed variety. Be realistic with your goals, and realize that you may need work up to this over several months.
Use it or lose it: The key to continued ease of bottoming is to be consistent in using the above dilation methods, even throughout sexual dry spells. We all have them, so don’t fret, but just remember if you don’t use it, you lose it. Keep at it so the next experience is a pleasurable one.
Engage a specialist: The process to becoming a pro at bottoming can be daunting, but it is totally achievable if you follow the above process. If all else fails, see a specialist in gay sexual health and wellness, who can provide both medical — such as personalized dilation and Botox — and surgical options (including anal restoration) to help improve results and assist in relaxation of the muscles.
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