Boss Bitch Elen Dominates
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A new FromSoftware game means fresh new memes. Prepare for new, old, and downright silly.
Elden Ring launched on February 25 to rave reviews, and we all know what a new FromSoftware game means: fresh memes. One of the best things about the Soulsborne series has always been its community of loving fans. They pour over lore, piece together cryptic narratives, and shitpost like there's no tomorrow.
You can expect silly messages like "try finger but hole," the downright trolling ones that say "have faith, try jumping," right on a cliff edge that will send you falling to your death, and all the great memes of twisted and bizarre characters and bosses. We've collated the best Elden Ring memes here for you.
Dying is a huge part of the FromSoftware formula, and while it can be quite punishing, the devs like to give you one more chance to grab the lost currency you drop upon death. When you're fighting a boss, this involves rolling around until you can quickly pick them up whilst trying to attack and not get killed again, lest you lose them forever. Tricky stuff, but worth it for those shiny, shiny runes.
Soulsborne games have always, for some inexplicable reason, contained platforming sections. The movement system has never been designed for it, until Sekiro and now Elden Ring, but that never stopped those cruel devs forcing us to walk tight beams and narrow ledges. Elden Ring is all about exploring, but good luck to you if you want to know if a fall will kill you or not.
Posted by Reddit user Denny_204 , this meme contains the very soul of messaging in FromSoftware games. So often the notes left by players are just jokes or trolls, that when a genuinely helpful one pops up, you've got to appraise it.
This also heals the poster while they play, meaning your appraisal could save their life in a tough boss battle.
As if mimics weren't enough, now we've got to worry about chests transporting us to areas that are a way higher level than we are. The first place people are likely to get sent to is a crystal cave in Caelid, on the east side of the map. You'll have to run through the mine, only to be greeted by a blood-red sky. Nope. No thank you. Nuh uh.
If you've not seen all the messages that say "dog," in front of tortoises, donkeys, bears, dragons, basically anything that isn't a dog, then you must be playing Elden Ring in offline mode. But, did you know this joke actually started in Dark Souls 2 when players left the message "horse" in front of creatures that were not horses? It's great to see how humour evolves over the years.
Whoever invented false walls is an evil person. Every single Soulsborne game features them, and every single Soulsborne game also has a message in front of every single wall saying either "secret path ahead," or "liar ahead." Almost every single one of them is trolling you.
But, like a good little gamer, you still hit every single wall just to feel that rush of serotonin when one finally vanishes before your eyes. Then the dread sets in as you wonder how many you've missed because you thought the messages were lies.
Elden Ring's open world means it's never been easier to just nope out of a fight you're not ready for. If a boss is giving you grief, just walk away, do some other cool stuff and come back 15 levels later to wallop it. All the enemies batter you when you first start, so it's good to give them a taste of their own medicine once you're stronger.
Sekiro had jumping, but no player invading, so this is the first multiplayer Soulsborne game where you can just jump easily, at the press of a button. It's completely changed exploration and combat, meaning old tricks don't work as well as they used to. If you stay on the ground when you invade or get invaded, prepare to be put in it.
Soulsborne games are known for being dark. Particularly Bloodborne, with its eldritch, Victorian aesthetic. So, you can imagine returning players' surprise when they were met with the sight of the Erdtree - a vast, impossibly bright mystical tree that dominates the skyline of Limgrave. Even nighttime in Elden Ring is illuminated by its mystical leaves.
Soulsborne bosses are great fun, and while the initial journey to them is full of interesting routes, enemies, and surprises, that all loses its charm on the 17th run. Getting to bosses after dying was always a pain, and added way more time than was necessary to each encounter. Mercifully, the new stakes of Marika circumvent that issue entirely. These spawn points are often placed just outside boss rooms, meaning you can go up against them over and over without getting too frustrated. Praise the sun!
Issy is an avid film lover, writer, and game-player based in the UK. He combines his love of film and games in his writing, trying to find as many connections between the two mediums as possible. When he's not writing, playing, or watching, Issy loves to DJ and look after his growing collection of houseplants, as they make him feel more adult.
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By Fay Schlesinger Updated: 00:48 BST, 26 June 2010
A British motor racing chief died after a sadomasochistic sex session with a woman claiming to be 'Europe's most perverted dominatrix', police have said.
Robin Mortimer, 58, was found dead at the villa of the self-styled torturer Mistress Lucrezia in a hamlet in Belgium on Tuesday.
The married father of one had paid £600 to be 'punished' by two leather-clad women in a medieval-style 'dungeon', it was claimed.
The racing boss and the dominatrix: Left, Robin Mortimer, who died after a 'torture session' with Mistress Lucrezia, right
He may have choked on a rubber ball or died after taking an anaesthetic designed to prolong sadistic sex sessions, investigators said.
According to police sources, he was found in a shower cubicle, trussed up and wearing a leather 'gimp' mask with a ball on a chain around his neck. But he is understood to have died in another part of the club.
An ambulance had been called after attempts to resuscitate him failed.
He is believed to have visited the venue on more than one occasion, but it is understood his wife of 30 years knew nothing of his penchant for S&M.
Neighbours of their £500,000 gated home in Rugby, Warwickshire, said Bridget Mortimer, 50, has multiple sclerosis. She was too ill to comment, but in a statement the family said Mr Mortimer died of natural causes in his sleep at a hotel in Belgium.
However, the public prosecutor in Antwerp said an initial investigation suggested he did not die of natural causes.
Mistress Lucrezia - in reality, 44-year-old Ira van Damm - and her 'assistant' Mistress Juno, 36, have been arrested on suspicion of assault and battery leading to Mr Mortimer's death, without intent to kill.
Mr Mortimer was a talented motorcycle racer before switching to sports car racing in 1989 and creating the RPM Motorsport team.
'No softie': On her website, Mistress Lucrezia says: 'In my nature, I'm a sadist of the worst kind'
His son Alex, 25, a champion racer, still plans to compete in the International GT Open in Belgium this weekend in memory of his father.
It was while travelling to the venue that Robin Mortimer took a detour to the village of Sint-Job-in-'t-Goor near Antwerp, investigators believe.
He visited the villa named ' Torment Towers', where dominatrixes charge £250 an hour - or £4,000 for three days - to inflict 'extreme pain', 'humiliation' and 'torture' on clients using ropes, leather and rubber.
Police who searched the property said they found some of the most extreme S&M equipment they had ever seen, including a vacuum machine for wrapping men's bodies in air-tight cling film.
Mistress Lucrezia, who has been running S&M sessions at the 'dungeon' for five years, says on her website: 'I am very good with CP (corporal punishment) and bondage with ropes, leather, rubber and cling film . . . and I have lots of tools to help me be creative to make each session one you will never forget.
'Beware, I am not a softie. I'm sadistic, intelligent and perverse. In my nature, I'm a sadist of the worst kind.'
She is a regular visitor to Britain, performing at clubs in London and Warwickshire.
The Antwerp prosecutor said Mr Mortimer could have died after being given nitrous oxide, used as an anaesthetic to make sex sessions last longer. The results of a post-mortem examination are expected within days.
Mr Mortimer's death comes after F1 boss Max Mosley was filmed taking part in an S&M session with prostitutes in which they acted out prison fantasies. He was last year awarded £60,000 in damages against the News of the World over what a court decided were false claims that it was a 'sick Nazi orgy'.
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Published: 15:53 BST, 22 March 2020 | Updated: 07:41 BST, 23 March 2020
Former employees and fans of Ellen DeGeneres have taken to Twitter to blast the renowned talk show host for her alleged 'mean' behavior.
Comedian Kevin T. Porter kicked the entire social media movement off on Friday, when he sent out a tweet urging people to message him 'the most insane stories [they've] heard' about DeGeneres in an effort to raise money for the Los Angeles Food Bank.
Shortly after posting, Porter was flooded with written accounts by various Twitter users who claimed to have had less than savory interactions with Ellen - who he labeled as 'notoriously one of the meanest people alive' - over the years.
Yikes: Former employees and fans of Ellen DeGeneres took to Twitter Friday to blast the renowned talk show host for her alleged 'mean' behavior
On a roll: Comedian Kevin T. Porter kicked the entire social media movement off, when he sent out a tweet urging people to message him 'the most insane stories [they've] heard' about DeGeneres in an effort to raise money for the Los Angeles Food Bank
'Right now we all need a little kindness. You know, like Ellen Degeneres always talks about!,' wrote Porter. '[And] I'll match every [story] w/ $2 to @LAFoodBank.'
Before scanning his Twitter thread for the best responses, Porter reminded his audience that the stories they submit 'have to be real! Cause we need some REAL kindness right now.'
According to one user, former head writer for The Ellen DeGeneres show Karen Kilgariff was 'fired' because she 'wouldn't cross the picket line' during a writer's strike.
'When Karen wouldn't cross the picket line she was fired and Ellen never spoke to her again,' they wrote.
Alleged hostility and mistreatment of writers proved to be a reigning theme in the thread, with one user claiming that her 'friend' who had written for Ellen 'for two years' was never acknowledged by her.
Loyalty tested: According to one user, former head writer for The Ellen DeGeneres show Karen Kilgariff was 'fired' because she 'wouldn't cross the picket line' during a writer's strike
Talk to the hand: Alleged hostility and mistreatment of writers proved to be a reigning theme in the thread, with one user claiming that her 'friend' who had written for Ellen 'for two years' was never acknowledged by her
Served: Another user, who had waited on the 62-year-old comedian at the Los Angeles vegan eatery Real Food Daily, claimed that Ellen 'wrote a letter to the owner & complained about [the waitress'] chipped nail polish
'[She] told me Ellen didn't greet her once. In fact, upon employment, staff were told they weren't allowed to talk to her'
TV writer Benjamin Siemon decided to provide the thread with some stories of his own, that included DeGeneres having an irrationally 'sensitive nose' and often picking 'someone different to really hate' each day on set.
'Everyone must chew gum from a bowl outside her office before talking to her and if she thinks you smell that day you have to go home and shower,' he alleged.
'A new staff member was told 'every day she picks someone different to really hate. It's not your fault, just suck it up for the day and she'll be mean to someone else the next day. They didn't believe it but it ended up being entirely true.'
Another user, who had waited on the 62-year-old comedian at the Los Angeles vegan eatery Real Food Daily, claimed that Ellen 'wrote a letter to the owner & complained about [the waitress'] chipped nail polish (not that it was on her plate but just that it was on my hand).'
She continued: 'I had worked till closing the night before & this was next morning, almost got me fired.'
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