Boomers Outraged As Cashiers Stop Accepting Checks, Forced To Confront 21st Century

Across America, chaos erupted this week as retail chains quietly announced they would no longer be accepting personal checks, leaving boomers clutching pens like relics of a bygone era. The Institute for Outdated Transactions reports that 83% of check users still believe swiping ink across paper is �the safest form of payment,� despite rampant overdrafts. In Florida, one man attempted to write a check for his Starbucks order, sparking a 45-minute standoff that ended only when the barista Venmoed herself. Sociologists note that the transition mirrors the emotional trauma boomers felt when phone books disappeared. Experts warn that if forced onto Apple Pay, some may simply choose death. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com