Bondage Trainer

Bondage Trainer

La Domaine Esemar has many different experiences for BDSM fans, including a cage for "slaves."
La Domaine Esemar

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fetishes

sex and relationships

upstate new york

8/24/17

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It’s the crack of dawn in a country home in New York and a number of “submissives” are strapping a man onto a giant “roasting spit” as part of a BDSM ritual.
Welcome to the legendary La Domaine Esemar, the world’s only BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadomasochism) training chateau — an adult wonderland where wild fantasies become a reality.
Over 500 couples and thousands of paying kinksters have jetted in from around the world to visit the chateau’s famous dungeon, run by Mistress Couple and her training submissives.
From the outside, it looks like an inconspicuous house in the Berkshires, but descend into its depths and you’ll discover things like sex swings, a wax table, knives, daggers, gas masks, genital clamps and barbed wire — catering to every fetish imaginable.
Mistress Couple, 31, and her 68-year-old partner, who goes by the name of Master R, lifted the lid on life inside the chateau’s four walls for the Sun Online, and revealed the kink that goes on in its depths.
One of the fantasies the 1,250-square-foot dungeon recently helped realize was a man who came to them with a fetish to be roasted on a spit.
Master R explained: “The fetish is called ‘schwanandreher,’ it is a very deeply ingrained human fetish and he said it is completely historical.”
The process allows willing human “roastees” and those with a carnal fetish to be coated in sauce and tied to a wooden post by “slaves” in the house’s 20-acre grounds.
Master R said: “The man came to us from London and he had tried the fantasy a few years ago and he had ended up getting severely injured and burnt.”
“He went to the hospital and needed skin grafts and was out of work for four months.”
“He didn’t have sex for years after the experience but he wasn’t put off by the fetish, which is very powerful.”
The man called La Domaine Esemar and said he would fly to the United States just so he could safely fulfill the fantasy of being “cooked.”
Master R said: “The man was tied to a giant 6-foot roasting spit and was up there for three hours.”
“A fire was lit in a fire pit and hot coals were moved under him and he is lowered and safely raised throughout the process.”
The BDSM haven has performed several roasting spits since, and this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to services the professional dungeon provides.
The last BDSM chateau, Le Chateau in Portugal, closed in the ’80s. La Domaine Esemar was created in 1993 and moved to its current location shortly after.
From politicians to sports stars, actors, military advisers and businessmen, even truck drivers and single moms, people from all walks of life have flocked to La Domaine Esemar in its 24 years of operation.
Master R said: “We are the only place for them to go, this is the only one around.”
“We all are beasts whether we want to admit it and like every other animal in the animal kingdom, dominance and submission is a crucial part of how we exist and survive.”
“It is embedded in every person regardless of their social standing and employment, it is in all of us.”
“We all come from pharaohs and slaves, every type of person ends up here.”
Interestingly, the most popular clients who come through their door are those from the medical profession and people who “heal” and “touch.”
And for those who haven’t been through medical school, the dungeon comes with its own clinical physician’s room with surgical instruments and fake blood splattered on the floor.
Master R laughed: “Our house physician loves that area. I think he became a doctor because he secretly always wanted to play mad doctor.”
As well as the surgery room, another commonly used area is the cage, where two or three “slaves” can cram into the small space for periods of time or even sleep there overnight.
Others prefer the “Pain Gym” where “slaves” can be literally whipped into shape, or the chair nicknamed “Vlad the Impaler” that has a motorized sex toy coming out of the seat.
One of the popular fetishes at the moment, Mistress Couple reveals, is pony play or animal roleplay, where at least one person plays the part of a non-human beast and is subject to saddles and whips.
Another requested skill to learn is the art of flogging, both physically and gaining the skills to emotionally handle the act.
Mistress Couple’s personal favorite is balloon play, which involves being tied up and using the inflatables in play.
Master R said: “Things occasionally go wrong, all you can do is deal with it lovingly and carefully and hope you don’t need an ambulance. So far we’ve never had to call an ambulance.”
Sessions typically cost $300 for an hour-long one-on-one session with the Headteacher herself, which rises to $450 for couples looking to visit the dungeon together for erotic, non-intercourse-related services.
Around 30 clients are usually seen each month, and the chateau is never short of individuals keen to play out their fantasies at hosted parties.
A common reason a couple may book a session is if one partner is looking to experiment with cross-dressing or bondage when perhaps the other is more hesitant.
And many come for a weekend or overnight stay in the home’s private bed chamber.
For $350, you can spend the night at the chateau, with private access to the dungeon and breakfast included, in a package called the “Choose Your Own Adventure.”
And there are also erotic meals that can be booked for $85 per person that seek to stimulate all the senses and provide a sensual experience, hosted by often nude or scantily clad submissives.
For those looking for a more permanent immersion into the BDSM lifestyle, the chateau is a training facility that offers a “Masters and Mistresses” program.
While the dungeon seeks to push the boundaries of exploring complex sexual desires, it has attracted some characters whom Mistress Couple has had to turn away.
Master R said: “We absolutely have turned people away.”
“We have really learned how to conduct an interview with someone before they come through our doors.”
“We haven’t had any disasters recently, but we certainly had disasters for people who have walked in who we are unable to deal with because it affects their psyche differently and deeply, or they just have huge personal issues which they confuse with dominance and submission in an unhealthy way.”
“We like to give as many people as we can a fair shot.”
If the couple encounters someone who they feel is beyond their help and could benefit from professional help, they recommend them to a professional therapist and psychologists.
Mistress C: “We aren’t just releasing these people back into the wild by themselves.”
The “Masters and Mistresses” training program is where the couple sees many people’s “inner monsters” come out.
‘In order to dominate and master someone, you have to master yourself first.’
The program, which can last up to two years, sees dominant individuals or couples who wish to have a submissive relationship in their life role-reverse so they can experience life on the other side.
Mistress Couple currently has around eight to 10 submissives who help around the house doing tasks like cleaning and chores.
Master R explained: “The reason our Masters and Mistresses training program is so difficult is we take these people who are already so dominant and we make them deeply submissive so they know what they are going to do with their own slaves.”
“In that process, their personal monsters really appear.”
“Because sex is a metaphor and BDSM is obviously a metaphor for dominance and submission and that gets into the unhealthy aspects of violence.”
Mistress C added: “In order to dominate and master someone, you have to master yourself first.”
And that is something that Mistress Couple has developed since she graduated as a dance and psychology double major from college.
After her studies, she asked her boyfriend to spank her for her birthday present, but he wasn’t able to because he said he didn’t feel it was right to hit a woman.
She told her friends about her desires and one of her friends revealed she was a mistress-in-training at the chateau and invited her along for a party.
There she was spanked by guests for 25 minutes, which was her first BDSM experience. Since then she has never looked back.
She said: “I started by exploring my submission and masochism and unlearning a lot of the misconceptions that I had about what dominance meant and over the course of my training, I realized I did have the capacity for dominancy and did the Mistress training program and became Headmistress a few years ago.”

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Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment.

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There’s something undeniably arousing about being tied up or tying a partner up in the bedroom. Not only does it change the power structure, facilitating elements of domination and submission, but it also evokes powerful emotions. There’s an immense amount of vulnerability and trust required when sexually bound. These reasons (among others) help to explain why so many people fantasize about BDSM (remember, the B stands for “bondage”). In fact, a 93% of men and 96% of women have fantasized about some aspect of BDSM before.
So what are the best ways to use bondage during sex? If you’re someone who’s curious about bondage sex positions, you might have come across Shibari , a contemporary form of rope bondage that originated in Japan. (Sometimes, it’s also called Kinbaku or Japanese bondage.)
“Shibari is not inherently sexual,” explains Sydona , a Shibari artist and instructor; some people use it as a form of meditation or as a tool to feel intimate with a partner. However, Shibari can be sexual if you so choose. You can tie your partner up, and the two of you can go at it for hours in various positions. This piece is focused on all the fun, kinky sex you can have when either you or your partner is bound.
But before we continue, safety first! If you’ve never attempted Shibari, consider taking a course or one-on-one class with a professional , because tying someone up can be incredibly dangerous both physically and emotionally. And there are certain things you should never do—like use rope across the neck. This can lead to asphyxiation.
“The number one rule for tying safely is to ALWAYS have safety shears within reaching distance,” Sydona says. “The second is to be able to communicate to your partner well, both as both a top [person doing the tying] and bottom [person being tied]. Being able to communicate explicitly and coherently before, during, and after a session is what keeps it as safe and enjoyable as possible.”
With that said, here are 13 bondage sex positions you can try out with your partner. (You’ll notice the first two “positions” are actually two different types of standard Shibari ties that will allow you to complete every other position on the list.) In addition to speaking with Sydona, we also talked to world-renown, Shibari expert Midori . She's a sexologist, educator, and author of Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage . (Midori offers Shibari classes , if you want to learn more advanced knots than the ones offered on this list.)
All you really need to be able to bring bondage to the bedroom is a simple handcuff-style tie, Syonda says. "This is called a 'double column' tie—two loops around two 'columns' (usually two limbs) that doesn’t collapse or self tighten."
"In any tie, but particularly with ties involving the wrists, it’s important to make sure you have plenty of wiggle room between the skin and the rope, and that the tie can’t tighten down on itself," she says. "A tie that does this is both uncomfortable and unsafe and can potentially cause loss of circulation or nerve damage."
To actually complete the double column tie, place your "wrists a couple of inches apart, and then wrap around both wrists," Midori says. "Cross at the middle and wrap around the space between the wrists and then tie two overhand knots." (I know this can be a little confusing without a depiction, so check out this 2-minute tutorial on how to to do a double column tie.) Once you've mastered the double-column wrist tie, you can get creative with it!
"This is a Shibari classic with vast variations," Midori says. "For a super simple way to start, use one or two long ropes, perhaps 25 to 30 feet. Then tie their wrists together behind their back. Use the remaining rope and wrap that around the arms and body. First below the breasts or pecs, then over it. If you connect the check ropes between the arm and torso, you’ll be able to snug it down tightly."
You can play in numerous positions with this one. "It's great for full frontal access to nipples and genitals," Midori says. "It's super hot for face-down anal, too."
"Position your partner on their knees with their behind in the air and chest flat on the bed, floor, couch, etc.," Sydona says. "Pull their arms back and tie their wrists together behind their thighs to their ankles. If this is too tough on their neck, put a pillow under their chest."
While the image here is depicting oral stimulation, you can also do anal and vaginal penetration in this position.
"Bend their legs and tie the thigh and ankle together with an easy release two column tie; then repeat for the other leg," Midori says. It's optional to tie the wrists to the thighs, Midori adds. (That's what's depicted in the image.)
This position allows for "sexy vulnerability" and "access to all the bits" making it great for both giving and receiving oral pleasure. It's also really smooth to transition into bound doggy from this position.
In this position, the bottom's ankles are tied to a pole—make sure to use something that won't give anyone splinters—a PVC pipe could work here or even a long Swiffer handle. The bottom's wrists are tied together.
Midori notes that you feel "delightfully exposed" in this position, and it's "fantastic for bound penetration from behind."
Have your partner lie on their stomach for the hogtie. "Tie their ankles together and their wrists behind their back, then tie those to each other," Sydona says.
"While this isn’t a great position for penetration, it’s great for oral and sets the mood for a BDSM-type session. Don’t forget that this position can be very strenuous on your partner’s back and shoulders, so make sure you have a quick exit plan and check in often."
Lay on one side, and "Tie wrists together with a basic wrist tie. Tie the left ankle to the right thigh, using the same tie as the wrists. Then tie the left thigh to the left upper arm bicep. Make sure it’s not too tight," Midori says. "The body looks amazing in this position and it's hot for spooning sex from behind."
Have your partner sit in a chair and tie their ankles to each chair leg and their wrists behind their back. "This position is great for oral, using toys, or for a good ol’ fashioned interrogation role play," Sydona says. "Pro tip: make sure the back of the chair is against a wall or something stable, so you don’t accidentally push your partner over backward in the heat of the moment."
"Have your partner straddle a chair so their booty is just barely off the edge of the seat and rest their chest on the seat's back," Sydona says. "Tie their ankles to the legs of the chair and their wrists behind their back. This position is great for anal play."
(Note: For this position to work, you need to use a chair without arms. You also want to lean the chair against a wall or bed; you don't want the chair toppling over!)
"Have your partner lie flat on their back on a bed and tie their wrists and ankles to each corner," Sydona says. "For extra spice add a blindfold, and go to town. If you or your partner are new to bedroom bondage this is a great starting position. It's simple to tie, not particularly strenuous, and you can even buy user-friendly under-the-bed restraints if rope isn’t your style."
"Again have your partner lie flat on their back on the bed. Tie each ankle to each corner at the top of the bed, lifting their leg as high as is comfortable for them," Sydona says. "If this is too difficult, tie their thighs instead of their ankles, so they can bend their knees. This position is great for, well, everything."
"With your lover on their back, place a pole under their ankle, just above their heels," Midori says. "Tie each wrist and ankles to the pole, and [make sure to] tie loose enough for wriggle room and to prevent loss of circulation."
This position grants full access penetration to all the orifices, Midori adds.
The Group Project is a rope bondage position for when three people are involved . "Have your partners stand face-to-face with their arms around each other. Tie both partners’ wrists in a classic handcuff tie behind the back of the other," Sydona says.
"From here, you can take a voyeuristic role and watch an inevitable steamy makeout session, or alternate teasing each partner while the other watches at a very close range."

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